Page 84 of Naughty November
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Jools.”
He shivers. “You’ve practised that commanding tone, haven’t you?”
“Sorry.” I shouldn’t have used it on him.
His lashes shutter his eyes as he lowers his gaze. “Don’t apologise, it was sexy. I was just thinking that people must really trust you.” He looks up, piercing me with his stare. “I always trusted you.”
The air whooshes out of my lungs. Did he fall into bed with me so easily three years ago because of the trust I’d earned when we were teens?
He looks towards the far corner of the room. “You must be able to do a lot of kinky things.”
“Yes. When I decided I wanted to be a pro-Dom, I found a couple to train me in pretty much everything. I want to be able to offer my clients as much variety as I can. There are things I don’t enjoy. Things I won’t do. Things that don’t fall under my—brand. Subs will choose me if they want to be praised and uplifted. They won’t come to me if they want to be humiliated and degraded. There are other Doms at The Library who can give them that.” Like Stefan. “What are you into?”
“Gentle stuff. Playing with feathers and things. A bit of role-play. Messing about with toys. That’s all. I’ve only explored it with one boyfriend, and we weren’t together for long.”
He rubs his arm with the heel of his hand. He used to do it as a kid when something was bothering him or he felt unsure. Red marks appear on his skin. My thoughts drift back to the kink list Stefan gave me last night, but I shove the thought away. Something is bothering Jools. I shouldn’t be thinking about the things I’d like to do with him if he wanted me to.
I put my hand over his to stop him from further agitating his skin. “What’s wrong?”
He makes his smile more solid and brighter. “I suppose I feel inadequate beside you.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Inadequate? Why?”
“Because you have so much experience, and I have practically none.”
“Being inexperienced doesn’t make you inadequate.”
“I guess not. When do you have to go to work?”
I frown and check my watch. “I’ve got a little while yet. Do you feel uncomfortable talking about this stuff? Because I’ll happily change the subject to something you’ll enjoy.”
“It’s not that.”
“Then—what?”
“Meeting you again. This discussion. It’s alot, Devin. I came here looking for a flat and found you. And this conversation—it’s not uncomfortable, but it is heavy. Does that make sense? I keep looking at you, remembering who you were, and realising you’re a different person now. You’re older?—”
I brush my knuckle over his cheek. “We both are.”
He wrinkles his nose.
“Sorry. I interrupted. Go on.”
“You’ve got so much experience and I—I feel like, while you’ve been figuring out who you are, I’ve been treading water for the last nine years.”
“Says the guy who learnt two languages, and spent six months living in Japan. How is that treading water?”
Jools’s eyes become liquid, and his lip wobbles. “I feel like you’ve outgrown me.” He rubs his cheeks and sucks in a breath. “Ignore me. Noisy hotel rooms aren’t conducive to good sleep. I’m overwhelmed at running into you again. That’s all. It was easier in Amsterdam.”
“You’re saying sex is easier than talking?”
“I—guess I am.” He shakes his head. “No. That’s not it. It was easier because it was only one night. We knew that. Our time together was finite, so we didn’t have time to think, only feel. But now we have time, and I wasn’t expecting it, and my thoughts and emotions are a total jumbled mess.” He presses his hands over his face. “Ignore me.”
I gently move his hands away and then cup his cheek. “For the record, I have no intention of ignoring you. I haven’t outgrown you. We explored different interests. You learned languages, I?—”
“Got kinky?”