Page 37 of Be My Sacrifice
Nausea races through me, the acidic bile rising up my throat, at the image of the abuse he’s painting against an innocent girl I have never met, but who had the misfortune to be born female under the Brotherhood’s rule. They will tear her limb from limb, and she will wish for death. A death they won’t grant until they have used her and nothing is left of her.
How can I let that happen? If my submission to my father keeps us all alive, shouldn’t I do that? Some part of me knows that marrying this girl is betraying Dinah all over again, breaking my bonds with her, even if they too, had been forced.You murdered her, so those bonds are severed, asshole. You can’t change what you have done, but maybe, just maybe you can help this girl.
I don’t want to die, not without seeing Abe one last time, and knowing that he’s safe with the rebels. I also need Sammy. I need him to keep breathing, or at least not to be left alive at my father’s mercy after I’m gone, something I doubt he was ever capable of. No, the devil has nothing on Noah Rothesay, who should be the one leading hell.
“Eze… kiel. Don’t. Not… for… me,” Sammy’s voice whispers from within the dark space, as if he can read my thoughts.
The soft caress is replaced by a brutal hold on my hair, yanking on the strands and threatening to rip them from my scalp. My eyes water, and tears slide down the sides of my face, causing me further shame because I can’t prevent them. I am weak, broken, and utterly at this guard’s mercy, at my father’s mercy.What have I done? I failed again, and we are worse off than we were before.
“I wouldn’t pay your boyfriend much heed. He won’t live long enough even to see you die, little prince. Take your father’s offer, and at least you can keep breathing,” he snarls into my ear.
I know what I’m about to do is wrong, and it will condemn me further. There will never be any salvation of my soul. The lengths that I’m willing to go to to stay alive, to keep us alive, are endless. I need to see my Abe once more before I take my final breath on this earth. I need to make sure that Sammy gets his freedom, after all the harm that I have caused him, and I can’t do that if I am dead. Once again, my father has managed to tie my hands with an impossible choice.
“I… accept.” The two words leave my lips with a bitter taste—the taste of defeat, of the death of who I once was. Ezekiel Rothesay is no more. This coward and puppet lying naked, battered, and bruised on the ground has replaced him.
“Very good, little prince. I will let your father know, and you’ll be married by dinner tonight, and then we will all enjoy dessert.” A chortle leaves his lips as he straightens and leaves me with my decision. The door slamming causes my heart to feel like it will cease beating in my chest. I have signed my fate, this girl’s, and Sammy’s, with just two words.
“You… should have… let… us… die.” Sammy’s words find me in the oppressive darkness that feels like it is squeezing me tightly in its menacing grasp.
“I couldn’t.” The silence that fills the chasm between us is frightening, devastating, and all-consuming. There was never going to be a right choice, a lesser of two evils. Every choice presented was a death sentence to someone. I did what I thought was right, what would save us.I did, didn’t I?
Chapter twenty-four
The Sinner
Dinah
Wemakeourwayamongst the shadows, creeping close and low to the ground, near the shrubbed and tree-lined area surrounding the vast Dartmouth estate. It’s so quiet here, and the night sky is littered with stars we don’t get to see in the city. It’s beautiful in a melancholy way.
It reminds me of when Sammy and I went on recon missions to gather intelligence on the Brotherhood, and on the large man I can feel close behind me. The one trailing me through the darkness, as his fear and worry slither down my back, attempting to call me back from my current purpose. Life seemed simpler then, all our desires within reach somehow, even in the world that we reside in. The goals I had, to wipe the Brotherhood from the face of the planet, and punish all those who made me and the females of this world prisoners, attainable. A snort leaves my lips at that very altruistic thought.What a fool I was, a goddamn fool.
The truth is, I was naive, young, and inexperienced with warfare. I didn’t truly understand the cost of taking down an organization like the Brotherhood—the machine it is, with all its moving parts. The devastating cost that I would have to endure. All that would be taken from me at the edge of a blade, leaving parts of me forever severed and hollow.
It’s almost unforgivably beautiful and peaceful here, especially given the sins I am about to commit, and the bloodshed that will soak every inch of the ground, before I am done. Misery has its own beauty, which I have become intimately acquainted with. It’s forever tainted everything I touch, even the very air I breathe at this moment. Before I am done, it will taint the whole world that thought I should cower at its feet.
The men behind me are restless and yet cautious, dressed in their dark rebel garb with masks covering their features. Over forty rebel guards have joined me on this expedition, directed by the secret rebel leader placed close to the Holy Father. His reasoning for issuing me such a large force is unknown, but suspicion niggles at the back of my mind about his motives, and his refusal to make himself known to me.
No one does anything out of the goodness of their heart, Dinah. All these men crave power, and would seek to use you to obtain it. Be wary of the fly, yes, but also be worried about the spider, and being caught in its web.
Does this man seek to use me to bring down the Order, only to position himself and his rebels in their place? Am I trying to bring down one oppressor, only for another one to rise and replace them? So many questions surround me, with yet no clear answers. All I know is that I won’t allow myself to go blindly into my fate. To be used, then made a martyr. If the rebels think I will shed blood in their name, and fight under their banner, for a cause that I can’t see benefiting all once again and only giving power to a few, they are in for a wicked surprise.
TheUnholy Ghostdoesn’t care about power, and will not be part of the power vacuum. She only cares about freedom and pain. They are two sides to the same coin; one cannot live without the other. All sides will regret trying to use her, and she will paint the world in their blood.
“We are ready up ahead, Ms. Camrose. The charges have been laid, and the detonators are here with us, awaiting your command.”
“How many do we estimate are inside the walls?” I pull my gun from its holder and check the chamber like Sammy taught me. My breath catches at the thought of him. Will we finally be reunited in a few short, gruesome hours? What will he think of the lengths I have gone to, just to get him back? Does he even realize that I am still alive? Still trying to get back to his side?I’m coming, Sammy.
What of the other one? The one who betrayed and chose to forsake me to save himself, and the man that I now think of as mine behind me? Abraham, my faithful shadow, ready and waiting to wage war against those who would have set him up as an entitled prince, had he just followed their rules. Will I be able to turn my cheek like our Lord once commanded, or will I let my blade travel along Ezekiel’s throat, ending his life like he tried to end mine?
“Our intelligence says at least thirty are within the walls, and heavily armed. It will not be easy to bring them down, but we will, I’m certain of it.” I turn my head and stare at the dark eyes of the young rebel before me. His sincerity bleeds from his pores; he believes his words, and is ready to die for his cause. For his sake, I hope he’s correct, or tonight might be his last night on this earth, that the God he still believes in has abandoned to the monsters that inhabit it.
Monsters like me, Abraham Mercier, Ezekiel Rothesay, and his father—all of us are frightening in our own ways. All of us with blood-soaked claws that are willing to rip out someone’s throat, and sleep like babies in the next moment. Not that I sleep much anymore with the dreams that haunt me.
“Issue the command. No one is to be spared, and no one kills Noah Rothesay but me. Find Samuel Wendover and Ezekiel Rothesay, and ensure their safe return to me.”
He scurries off to ensure my orders are spread amongst our forces, and I have no doubt that they will be obeyed. After all, most of them have seen what I am capable of. The destruction and bloodlust that inhabits me.Do they fear me?They would be remiss if they didn’t. I am dangerous now; a monster let loose of her cage, and I won’t willingly return to it.
Dinah Camrose died on that bedroom floor, at the hands of her childhood friend and deceiving lover, and what I am now was born out of that darkness. I was reborn of rage and fury, of blood and bone, of lies and false promises. I crawled from the fiery pits of the bowels of hell by my fingernails to finally join the light. I am forever changed.