Page 14 of Venomous King

Chapter ten

Issy

“I’ve lost love. I’ve tried to reclaim a lost love and didn’t know how to do it.”

Sam Worthington

Breathe in, breathe out. Again.Yup, that’s not helping.Fuck. I stare down at my trembling hands, which feel ice cold, just like the ball of dread which is currently sitting in the pit of my stomach right now. It’s all going to be perfect. Nothing terrible will happen. We are overreacting, and giving ourselves anxiety for no fucking reason. Grandmother will make sure of it. I try to reassure myself with the mantra I have been repeating inside of my mind for days, but right now, it’s a feeble attempt, in the face of my frantic nerves and increasing heart rate.

My eyes meet my reflection in the mirror as the hairdresser leaves the room, and my sister enters, looking beautiful in her one-shoulder, hunter’s green, maid of honor dress. My face is pale, despite the professionally done makeup, and I can feel a trickle of sweat making its way down my back, regardless of the cool temperature of the room. I stare at my reflection; the blonde woman who stares back at me looks like a stranger, yet is reminiscent of the woman I used to be; the one who still lives deep inside of me, despite my best attempts to kill her off. The woman who was always afraid of her own shadow.Weak, useless, desperate to belong.

We are not her anymore, she’s gone. She died with Issy Stratford in that jungle. We are safe, we are loved. We are so much more now. My large, frightened eyes stare back at me, calling me a liar.

“Issy, my goodness, you look stunning!” Mia stands behind me, her toned arms wrapping around my shoulders from behind, as she meets my gaze in the mirror. “Kai will lose his mind when he sees you walking down the aisle.” Her praise, while charming, does nothing to alleviate the turmoil racing inside of me. The image of a clock ticking away in a countdown appears in my mind, causing a cold chill to trickle down my back, like the feeling of death crossing a threshold.The monster is coming, Issy, and you’re still too weak to fight him.

“Is everyone already out there?” I question, as I pull from her embrace and stand, the long, off-white silk, and hand-sewn French lace, of my mermaid-style wedding dress cascading to the floor, and around my legs, in a swash of fabric. It’s such a beautiful dress, one that we could have never afforded on our own. As a dead woman, there is no way to access my trust fund or inheritance, just one of the many things that I have had to come to terms with, in this new life of mine. Isabella Stratford is dead, and Annabell Delburne doesn’t have two pennies to rub together of her own.

Kai has refused to take anything from Stella, besides her assistance with covering Julia’s healthcare needs, and even that was a fight between the two of them. He’s prideful, and wanted to cover all the costs for our wedding, despite my grandmother’s very loud and insistent protests. That didn’t stop my grandmother; this gorgeous dress appeared weeks ago, as a gift from my departed father; a gift from above, according to the card. That tugged at my heartstrings, that she would help my father still be a part of my special day, even from beyond the grave. People believe that Stella is ice cold, but I know the truth. Inside that steel facade is a woman who loves her family more than she loves herself. She has given up everything to ensure the survival of her line, and the empire that she built with my grandfather, Jaxon.

She’s also filled with snark, and absolute power, and doesn’t like to be denied any of her whims, which Kai seems to take perverse pleasure in doing. Because of that, she also sent a matching princess-style dress for her little princess, Julia, with a card that basically dared Kai to refuse the dress, once Julia had laid eyes on it. Of course, she also ensured that her little princess saw it, so her very frustrated and outmatched father could not deny her. Sneaky queen.

“You mean, is Stella out there threatening everyone with decapitation, and does Kai look ready to lose his mind? Let’s not forget my heathen children are tempting Rachel to pledge them to the dark gods, and Theo is sending everyone who looks at me murdering looks.Yeah,it’s all perfect and ready.We are just waiting for my beautiful sister to make her appearance as the blushing bride.”

She leans her face closer to mine, and a frown instantly mars her face. “No offense, sister, right now you don’t look like you’re blushing, more like you’re pale as fuck.” She moves before me, blocking my view of the frightened woman trapped in the mirror. Her ocean-blue eyes meet mine with concern, and her hands rise to grace my face. “It will all be alright, Issy. You are about to marry the love of your life.”

Her words cause my throat to tighten.Is she right? Is Kai the love of my life?An image of a scarred face, and intense olive green eyes, enters my mind immediately. I can’t seem to deny or forget those fierce eyes, no matter how much I try, especially since I see the same eyes every day on my precious daughter’s face.

Kai is the love of your life, but he’s not the only one. He shares that space with Diego Cabano. We will never stop wanting him.My false heart betrays me, with the knowledge that Diego will always have a part of me. He burrowed himself deep into my soul, and claimed a part of me, and no amount of time or distance will ever change that. Loving Kai hasn’t meant I stopped loving Diego, despite my fervent desire to. That venomous serpent king calls to my heart, and begs me to return to him, even though I know he is a danger to me, and a bigger danger to my daughter.

“I know, Mia. I can’t seem to rid myself of the intense feeling of dread. It’s like a heavy brick is in the pit of my stomach.” I bite down on my bottom lip until the rich taste of iron invadesmy mouth. Ice-cold dread is snaking its way up my body, and squeezing me like a python does to its prey. I’m slowly suffocating, the tightness in my chest overwhelming me and making my head spin. I want to claw at my chest, rip out the organ that still beats for a man who hurt me, and made me love him, and discard it in a fire, so it can never hurt me again. I can’t breathe, every inhale feels like it’s laced with vicious and malignant poison, and will be my last.

“Are you having second thoughts about marrying Kai?” Her worried gaze meets mine. I see no judgment in her glance, just concern, and for that, I love her even more. I know that if I told her I didn’t want to go through with the wedding, she would have me out of here immediately, and fight anyone who tried to stop me. My fierce queen of a sister, always ready to protect me. I have to stand on my own now, fight my own battles, and be the woman I was always meant to be. For myself and also for my daughter, I can no longer cower in the shadows, and allow others to save me.

“No. No... I just...” I pull from her embrace and shake out my trembling hands. What the fuck am I doing right now? I have a man who loves me, waiting before all our friends and family. The amazing father to my daughter, ready and willing to marry me. A man who gave up his whole world to be with me, and I am standing here filled with self-doubt. No, not self-doubt,longing. My heart is here, ready and waiting for Kai, but also missing a piece of itself. It’s calling out to the monster that it has never ceased loving.

“Jesus, Issy. You’re thinking abouthimright now? You know that he leads to ruin and death. Kai loves you unconditionally, he will protect you and Julia with his very life.“ Mia releases a frustrated sigh, and swipes her hair from her face in agitation.

She’s right, of course. Kai loves Julia and me, and would do everything possible to protect us, but would he set the world onfire for us? Would he tear someone apart, with his bare hands, in a rage to protect us? Would Kai be willing to do the most horrific, unhinged, and morally reprehensible things possible to keep us safe? Diego would, without the slightest hesitation, regardless of the cost. He was always so intense, demanding, and possessive. He wouldn’t hesitate to take on the devil himself, if it was to keep me for himself. A part of me misses that intensity and insanity. Misses his overwhelming need to own and possess me, body and soul.

“You’re mine, Princesa. You will always belong to me,”his raspy voice skates through my mind, and causes a shiver to race down my spine. Fuck, even the ghost of him has my knees trembling, and my core tightening with emptiness.

“I know, Mia. I can’t help it. It’s not like I don’t want to forget the asshole that kept me a prisoner in a fucking jungle. I... I just can’t. A part of me still longs for him, still wants him. Even now, when I am about to marry Kai, the man I love, and my child’s father.”

“Issy, listen to me carefully, please. For your own sanity, and for your daughter, forget that psycho; only heartache and pain reside with him. Move forward, and create a beautiful life with Kai and Julia. Have more babies, leave our toxic world behind, and be happy.” A tear slides down her golden cheek, and I brush it away with my fingers. “You deserve to be happy, Issy.”

She’s absolutely right. I need to leave the past firmly in the past, where it belongs, and move forward with my life. I’m a grown woman now with responsibilities. I have to do what’s best for all of us, and that isn’t Diego Cabano. “I just need a moment alone, and I will be right out,” I beg her with my eyes. I need to get control of myself before I face everyone.

She nods and leaves the room, and I’m once again left alone with all my thoughts and conflicting emotions. I close my eyes, resolve filling me. No more thinking about Diego Cabano; he’sgone, and will never be in our lives again. I need to make peace with the ghost of him, and our relationship. We were toxic and destructive, and I don’t want, nor do I need, that anymore. Kai is the one that I love, that I have always loved. He is my peace, my calm before any storm. He will keep me safe, and love me until the end of my days. He is my white knight.

I square my shoulders and raise my head high, and with that thought, I walk out the door, ready to officially become Mrs. Kai Joliette. I’m prepared to move forward into the life I have always dreamed about, and leave the ghost of my past behind. Issy Stratford no longer exists, and her love for Diego Cabano disappeared with her.

The music starts, and a small grin slides across my face at the small, shocked gasp that leaves the fierce woman beside me. I feel my grandmother stiffen next to me on my left, and I hear Mia snort on my right. Okay, so it’s not the traditional wedding march someone would walk down the aisle to, but Stella has nothing to comment on; if my grandfather Jaxon’s stories were to be believed, she walked down the aisle to the Funeral March when she was forced to marry him, all those years ago.

“Really, darling. It’s not enough that we had to have this wedding in this backward cornfield of a town. Did you have to choose this song to walk to?” Stella hisses from the side of her mouth, while providing a grinning Kai with a murderous glare.

“Oh, I don’t know, Grandmother, I think‘Songbird’by Fleetwood Mac is a wonderful song to walk to. I might even have to pick something equally fantastic when it’s my turn, or better yet, I’ll let Carter or Mateo pick the song; I am sureJayZ or Eminemhave a romantic song I can walk to.“ Mia chuckles.

The glare Stella directs at Mia almost makes me choke on my laughter. “I’ll have them all disposed of, Mia, all four of those heathens, don’t test me. You will do no such thing to embarrass the family,” Stella hisses, her aged porcelain skin flushing with crimson at just the thought of my sister allowing that to happen, before the whole world, at an elegant Stratford wedding.