Page 12 of Blade
Shame flooded me at the memories of the things those messages referenced. It took everything in me to clutch every coping skill I could and not fall into the abyss of panic. Though my heart raced, my stomach cramped, and my breaths grew shallow.
What happened to me wasn’t my fault.
What happened to me doesn’t define me.
What happened to me is in the past.
What happened to me doesn’t make me less than.
Though I could’ve sworn I was holding it together well, I found myself blinking rapidly when I realized Sage was kneeling in front of me and holding both of my hands in hers. My water was set aside, and I didn’t even remember her taking it from me.
“I’m sorry,” I breathlessly apologized. I hated the familiar burn in my eyes, and I prayed for the tears not to fall.
“No. Don’t you dare apologize,” she insisted as she gently cupped my cheek. When her thumb softly ran under my eyes, I knew I’d been unsuccessful in keeping my tears at bay. The tears made me feel weak and I wasn’t that weak woman any longer. “You know you need to tell them what those messages said. Right? They can’t adequately protect you if they don’t have a clue what they’re up against.”
I knew she was right, but the thought of reliving the details of what I’d endured for a month or more made me sick. While Iwas there, I lost track of time. Though I knew I was lucky as most women were never rescued, my time there almost seemed like it lasted a lifetime.
“Just think about it. I won’t say anything unless you want me too.”
I nodded. “I’ll think about it. Just give me a week to pull myself together and build up some courage.”
“Now you can tell me to fuck off if you want, but about Blade… should I be helping you lure him in? Or did that ship sail? I’m not going to push things if you’re over him.”
Still pressed into the cushy couch back, I rolled my head to face her. Trying to figure out how to answer that, I tightly closed my eyes, then popped them open.
“He’s the biggest reason I agreed to come here.” Nervously, I chewed on my lip. “It seemed a lot easier when I first made the decision back in Iowa. Now that I’m here, I’m so tempted to ignore him and let him go about his merry way. It’s been three years. I’m sure he’s forgotten about me.”
Sage snickered. “Not a chance. I’ve known him almost all my life. Trust me when I tell you, he never forgot and he’s struggling now that you’re here.”
“How do you know that? I just got here. You saw him near me for all of like two minutes.”
“The look on his face told me all I needed to know. That boy is still driven up a wall by your presence.”
“What do I do?”
“Have patience and a lot of it. He’s probably going to push you away and you need to be prepared for that. Before I left to come here, I saw it. Hell, we all saw it.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“That man was always intensely aware of you anytime you were around him. He watched your every move with a hunger in his gaze I’d never seen before. He’s been through a lot in his lifeand if I know him only half as well as I think I do, he’s convinced himself he’s not good enough for you.” She sighed. “If you want him, don’t give up. He’s worth the fight. I promise. Just don’t hurt him. He’s had enough of that.”
“ScarsThatI’mHiding”—AshesToNew(feat.AndersFridénofInFlames)
Fifteen Years Old….
There was a man who had tried to run off with Luis’s product and his money. Luis sent me with Fernando, his most trusted lieutenant. Not that I’d had a choice. It was either me or him. Luis’s right-hand man held a gun to my head. “You wanted the opportunity to make more money, right?”
I swallowed hard and nodded. The cold steel brushed my temple as I did.
“Well, here’s your chance. Luis will give you a bonus for this. Two K.”
“What do I gotta do?”
“That’s easy.” He grinned maniacally. “You kill this guy, or you’ll be dead first, then I kill him. Either way, he ends up dead. One or two makes no difference to me.” He shrugged like it was nothing more than swatting a fly.
“H-H-How? I don’t have a gun.”
“Oh, I got that covered.” He pulled a pistol from his coat pocket with a handkerchief and held it out to me.