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Ryan took Alex’s hand in his own undamaged hand and gripped it tightly until Alex looked at him. “I feel the same way,” he said in a soft, raw voice. “And Evelyn, too.” This last admission made him shudder more than the first.

Alex smiled, a wry look in his eye. “Is that right?”

“Yes,” Ryan whispered. He felt the back of his eyes burn and swallowed hard, more blood slipping down his throat. “I shouldn’t have– we shouldn’t have–” He swallowed. “I wanted to do the right thing for Tommy. And– And Ithought she was different. Colder. Harder. Different than she was before. I thought I could go through with it, but I can’t.” He blinked hard, but a tear still slipped down the side of his face. He hoped Alex wouldn’t notice, but the handkerchief that chased it down to his ear said otherwise. Alex watched his face intently. “I still love her. I didn’t mean to. But I do.”

“Well,” Alex said softly. “Then we’ll do whatever we have to protect her. She belongs to us now.”

Ryan gripped his hand harder. “Why me?” he whispered.

Alex was silent for a long time. Then he said, just as quietly, “It’s always been you.”

They stared at each other for a long time, Alex’s hand holding his handkerchief resting against Ryan’s chest. Their hands still clasped together. Then Ryan let out a breath he suddenly realized he was holding. Closed his eyes.

“Do you miss him?” They’d never talked about Tommy, not outside of the source of their common goal to avenge him.

Silence for a long stretch. Long enough that Ryan thought he wouldn’t answer. Then Alex said, “Yes. Of course I do.”

“I can’t help but think it was my fault.” Ryan’s body tensed, steeling him against the pain of remembering. “I miss him so much sometimes I– I’m afraid of what I’ll do.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Alex said, impatiently. “It’s Stanley’s.”

“If I could go back–” Ryan started to say, but Alex cut him off sharply.

“But you can’t,” he said, with a cold finality that Ryan needed. “Tommy is dead. It’s just the two of us now.”

“But you’re not my brother.” Ryan swallowed hard.

“And thank god for that,” Alex said with a glimmer of prurience in his eye.

Ryan said, “Shut up.” Then, he closed his eyes again. Exhaustion was overcoming him. Suffering was making him emotional. Tired. Unlike himself. Embarrassment hovered close by but it wasn’t strong enough to overtake him yet.

“I’ll keep you safe,” Alex said above him, voice quiet and clear. “I promise.”

Ryan nodded slightly. He took deep, even breaths and tried not to think about what might happen when the Lieutenant returned for him again.

Chapter thirty-seven

Evie

When Roberts walked into the room, Evie almost lost her nerve. There was something extraordinarily normal about seeing him. He had always been there in the background, hovering at her elbow at any social engagement where she ended up. He was one of her father’s favorites, lord knew why. One of his favorite people to have in his pocket so he could always have his ear to the ground.

She suspected that her father had used his influence to advance Roberts’ career quickly, though she could never have proved it.

As always, his physical presence did little to affect her. He wasn’t a bad looking man. He was handsome enough in an ordinary sort of way. But something about him had always turned her completely off of the idea of being with him romantically or sexually, no matter how many times he tried to maneuver her into a dark corner and begin to touch her in places he shouldn’t.

“Evelyn,” Roberts said, rushing toward her. He captured both of her arms above the elbows and gripped her tightly.

“What in the hell are you doing here?” he said. “Where in the hell have you been? I’ve been ripping apart this entire fucking town looking for you!”

“I just had to leave town for a while,” she said, doing her best to sound earnest. “I just had to clear my head for a while.”

“And you cut your fucking hair,” he said, staring at her incredulously.

“Don’t you like it?” she raised her hand instinctively. Normally, she wouldn’t give a damn what he thought of her, but she realized that he was the first person from her old life who was seeing her with the haircut and it suddenly made her feel vulnerable and self-conscious. The pain and the humiliation she felt while Alex hacked it from her head came over her in a brief, vivid wave.

“I mean– You look– You always look beautiful,” he said, impatiently. “But that’s not the point. Walter Stanley has been–”

Evie put her fingertips on his lips. “Shh,” she said, stepping in closer. “Aren’t you sweet, Lieutenant Roberts.” She lowered her voice to a coquettish whisper.