Page 54 of Pucking Only
CHAPTER NINETEEN: MAKE HER FEEL GOOD
CARSON
As I makemy way down the hall to Skyler’s apartment, I catch myself whistling. Whistling! What kind of a Mickey Mouse motherfucker am I becoming?
Yet, I can’t help it. I’m excited to see Skyler and spend more time with her… preferably naked. Now that we’ve established our friends with benefits arrangement, I don’t feel like I need to be ready for battle when thinking about seeing her. Instead, I’m excited and eager, imagining all sorts of things we can do together.
When I reach her door, I stop and run my hands down the front of my t-shirt, suddenly anxious about my appearance. Am I too casual in my Night Hawks shirt and basketball shorts? Should I try to look a little more presentable when we hang out? Or would that come off as trying too hard?
Shaking my head, I push the thoughts away. I’m overthinking. There’s no need to try too hard. This is supposed to be fun and casual. My clothes don’t matter. With that, I raise my fist and knock on the door.
When she opens the door, I anticipate a sassy remark with a teasing grin. The last thing I expect is to find her with red-rimmed eyes, a pale complexion, and her usual confident posture slumped over.
“Skyler?” I ask, stepping inside without waiting for an invitation. “What’s wrong?”
She shakes her head, like she’s trying to brush it off, but there’s something in her eyes that tells me she’s barely holding it together. “Nothing. I’m fine.”
I close the door behind me and turn to face her, crossing my arms. “You’re not fine. What happened?”
She hesitates, biting her lip as she avoids my gaze. It’s like she’s trying to keep herself from unraveling in front of me. I’ve seen Skyler in all kinds of moods — angry, determined, focused — but this… this is different. It’s like she’s carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, and she’s too damn stubborn to admit it.
“Come on, talk to me,” I urge, taking a step closer and wrapping my arms around her. I can’t help myself. There’s this need to comfort her that I can’t resist. “You’re upset, and I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s going on.”
She finally looks up at me. The look in her eyes nearly breaks my heart.
“It’s stupid,” she mutters, but I can hear the crack in her voice. “It’s just… work stuff. And I had a fight with Grace.”
“Skyler,” I say gently, reaching out to touch her arm. “Talk to me. Please.”
She lets out a shaky breath. I can tell she’s on the verge of breaking down. “My boss called earlier. He had some feedback on the game. Most of it was fine, but then he made this one critique that was so ridiculous, so infuriating, I nearly lost it.”
I raise an eyebrow, trying to keep my tone light. “What did he say?”
“It…it doesn’t matter,” she says, the frustration clear in her voice. “Like, I said, it was stupid. It just made me feel like shit. Like no matter what I do, they’re always going to find a reason to tear me down.
I feel a flash of anger at her words. “That’s bullshit, Skyler. You’re one of the most talented people I know. If he can’t see that, it’s his loss.”
She nods, but I can tell my words aren’t enough to soothe the sting.
“And then I argued with Grace,” she continues, her voice growing quieter. “She thinks I’m wasting my time at this company, that I should go out on my own or find somewhere else that’ll appreciate me… and maybe she’s right, but I’ve worked so hard to get here. I can’t just give up.”
I don’t know what to say, so I stay quiet, and let her keep going. She needs to get this off her chest, and I’m just smart enough to realize that the best way to help her right now is to be a sympathetic ear.
“It’s just… I’m so tired, Carson,” she admits, and I can see the exhaustion in her eyes. “I’m tired of always having to be tough, to prove that I belong. I can’t show any sign of weakness or vulnerability because if I do, they’ll think I’m not cut out for this. They’ll ridicule me, say I’m too emotional, too feminine… and then I’ll never be taken seriously.”
She swallows hard, and I can tell she’s fighting back tears. “I’m always putting on this strong front, pretending like nothing bothers me, but it does. It wears me down. And sometimes I don’t know how much longer I can keep it up.”
Hearing her say this, seeing her like this — it’s like a punch to the gut. I’ve always seen Skyler as this force of nature. This unstoppable, determined woman who can handle anything. Even in high school, she was always true to herself. Her confidence has always been something I’ve admired about her — the unrelenting way she never letsanyone steer her from her goals. Truth be told, her ability to hold herself together and never show her hurt is a little intimidating. But here she is, admitting that the weight of it all is crushing her, and it makes me want to find every person who’s ever made her feel this way and kick their asses.
I know that’s not reasonable of me. I know that Skyler would hate it if I did anything like that on her behalf, but still, the urge is there beneath the surface, hot and insistent.
“Skyler,” I say, my voice low and serious, “you don’t have to do this alone. You don’t have to be strong all the time. It’s okay to be vulnerable, to let someone in. You’ve got people who care about you — Grace, and me. You don’t have to carry this weight by yourself.”
She looks up at me, her eyes searching mine like she’s trying to decide if she can trust me with this part of herself.
“I just don’t want to be seen as weak,” she whispers.
I shake my head, stepping closer until there’s barely any space between us. “You’re not weak, Skyler. You’re one of the strongest people I know. You’re intelligent and brilliant, sexy as fuck and beautiful. If people can’t see how amazing you are, that’s on them, not you.”