Page 44 of Unforgettable
The whole time, Matthew kneels beside me, holding my hair, whispering soft platitudes that are meant to soothe. I sit back on my heels once it has passed. Without a word, he wets a washcloth and wipes my face. He helps me to my feet, but when my knees give way, he lifts me in his arms and sits me on the counter.
I feel apart from myself. Almost like when I would find that dark safe place inside my head and disappear but different. Numbness permeates my body and mind.
“Open,” Matthew commands.
I blink at him slowly and then realize he’s holding a toothbrush to my mouth. I mechanically follow his instructions and open my mouth for him. He never looks away from my eyes as he brushes my teeth. He looks worried… scared even. I want to erase that look from his face. My Matthew isn’t afraid of anything. He’s strong and powerful. He’s my hero.
“Spit.”
Again, I do as I’m told. He puts a cup to my lips and tells me to rinse my mouth. After I’ve done that, he fills the cup again and makes me drink. I take a few sips, but don’t dare to take any more in case my stomach decides to revolt again.
“Good girl,” Matthew praises. He kisses my forehead, then lifts me into his arms. I hide my face in the crook of his neck when he walks us through the main room. I’m so ashamed of my behavior. I can’t stand to see what I’ve done.
When we get to our bedroom, he sits on the bed, cradling me in his lap. “Rosie, love, can you tell me what happened?”
I fist my hands in his shirt and keep my face buried against him. I want to crawl inside him and hide. He strokes my hair and back until bit by bit, the tension leaks out of me.
“I— He—” My mind can’t seem to pull together a coherent thought. My breath shudders out of me as the numbness starts to wane, and the anxiety starts to build.
Matthew turns my face so I have no choice but to look directly at him. His eyes are black pools of burning lava as they bore into me. “Slow down, sweetheart. Just breathe.” He’s using that dominant voice of his again, and my body responds. My breath evens out, and my mind slows enough to make sense of my rushing thoughts. “Good girl.”
“Mr. Perfect… h-he called me. I froze.” I try to look away, not wanting to see Matthew’s judgment of my weakness, but he doesn’t let me hide away from him. He holds me with gentle, yet firm hands so that I have nowhere to look other than at him. “He said he’s coming for me. I wanted to yell at him… I-I just froze, Matty. Why did I freeze?” I don’t give him time to respond before continuing. “I got so mad…” My voice breaks on a sob. “I’m so s-sorry.”
“Shh. It’s okay, love. You’re safe.” Matthew repeats the pretty lies over and over as I cry a lifetime’s worth of tears. He’s wrong. I’m not safe, and it’s not okay. I’ll never be okay again.
I lose myself to the sadness. At some point, Matthew shifts us so that we are laying down with me stretched across his chest. Eventually, I cry myself to sleep. I welcome the sweet oblivion.