Page 29 of Almost
When I get back to the house, I recognize Chris’s rental car is in the driveway. I flip the visor down to try to clean up,but my eyes are clearly red and swollen. At least I chose to forgo the mascara; it’s almost like I knew something was going to go wrong today. I practice a smile to see if my attempt at pulling myself together is working because this is no way for Henry to see me. I’m fun Auntie Lia who travels the world and brings him cool gifts; not this version of myself where I break up my ex’s engagement because I’d bet money based on her reaction, there won’t be a wedding to photograph.
I’m going to have one hell of a headache later. I deserve it, though. I was cruel today.
Walking inside, I listen for the sounds of Henry’s little feet running around, but the only greeting I receive is silence.Could I really be that lucky no one is home?I can shower to try to get rid of all the shitty feelings I have—actually, that sounds like a perfect plan. I’m stopped in the doorway by the sound of someone clearing their throat.
“Hey, I didn’t think you were going to be back for a few more hours? Henry went to the park with Penelope,” Chris says, rubbing his eyes on the couch.
Fuck, I don’t think I can keep it together, but it was a good attempt. My vision blurs at the edges from tears, but I try my best to force a smile as I turn to face my friend.
“We finished early.” It might have been believable if my voice didn’t crack on the last word. Chris immediately stands up to move toward me, concern warping his features.
“Lia, what happened?”
I throw myself at Chris, who absorbs the impact without flinching. “I did a really horrible thing, Chris.”
He wraps his arms around me tightly as I tremble against him. “It couldn’t have been that bad,” he tries to say, but he’s wrong. It was that bad.
“No, it was. I made a really big mistake I can’t take back.” I try to take a deep breath, but it gets caught in my throat instead as I cling to Chris. “I told Kiera about the house, and how he proposed. I told her everything.”
He leads me to the couch, and I pull my knees up to my chest, hugging them as Chris takes a moment to think. “She was bound to find out what happened between you at some point, Thalia. The person who made a mistake here is Sebastian. This is not your fault.”
“I don’t need you to be nice to me right now. I was a bitch to her. I could have said it so much nicer than I did,” I protest quickly. I know I was awful, and Chris being nice doesn’t help. It’s actually a little strange. I think I’d prefer another repeat of him yelling at me over the sympathy.
He leans back on the couch cushions with a sigh. “Whether you were mean or not, it was going to be hard to hear.”
“She’s been so nice to me, though. I mean, the girl is literally a freaking saint, and he still…” I trail off because I shouldn’t say it out loud. It won’t help anyone, especially after this afternoon.
“He what?” Chris prods calmly, and I look at him skeptically. I have a hard time believing he actually wants to hear this. If I’m sick of dealing with all of this, I’m sure they’re all sick of hearing about it.
“Last night you told me that you thought I should break up his engagement, which coincidentally is what I probably did today,” I mumble, wiping at my cheeks. “He told me at Mimi’s funeral that I was the worst thing that almost ever happened to him. I only approached Sebastian because I wanted to apologize to him and see—I don’t know what I thought I’d see. He broke my heart, and then Bash did itagain, asking me to photograph their wedding. He promised to leave me alone if I did. That’s why I agreed to do it,” I say, feeling more tears slip down my cheeks as I finally tell someone what happened at Mimi’s funeral. There was a lot more said besides that, but that sentence is what’s stuck with me.
Chris’s jaw tightens. “Goddamn, Bash is a fucking idiot, especially when it comes to you. Lia, there’s no way he actually meant that. He was hurting and probably didn’t know how to deal with everything he was feeling. Just remember that men are stupid because we can’t process our feelings at the same level women can.”
“I think that might be the smartest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
“Well, if that’s the case, was it smart enough to earn me the reason why you punched Bash?”
If I’ve told him everything else, what exactly is this going to hurt? “Sebastian said that there was a part of him that would always love me. He brought up the proposal and how I said no, except I didn’t say no. Being back in that house really got to me, and it’s hard for me to see how easily he’s replaced me with Kiera. They’re living in that house, she’s wearing the ring he proposed to me with, and I have to photograph their wedding when he’s telling me that he doesn’t know how to stop loving me? He was standing so close to me, and I was so angry that I just punched him.” I look down at my lap, feeling more tears threaten to fall. “Chris, I loved him so much. Maybe I still do. It doesn’t matter, though. He’s engaged, and I’m maybe with Eric?” I whisper because it feels awful to think, let alone say out loud.
“Everyone has a breaking point. It’s okay if you’ve hit yours,” he says quietly.
“We’ve been broken up for years. It shouldn’t be getting to me like this.”
“You’re not a robot. I wish I could say I was surprised that he admitted to still loving you, but I’m not. If we’re being realistic, I don’t think you and Eric stand a chance. The same goes for Sebastian with Kiera even if they do stay together after what she learned today. The way the two of you look at each other, even when it’s with hate, is with a passion that most people go their entire lives hoping to find.” Chris chuckles softly, and I know he’s right. Only, I’ll probably have to go the rest of my life knowing I had that, and I let it slip through my fingers without fighting for it.
I wipe my cheeks again, looking up at Chris in wonder. “How do you do that? Just simplify everything so quickly?”
“Oh, trust me, if I were able to apply it to my own life, Allie and I wouldn’t be in couple’s counseling. I don’t think you did the wrong thing telling Kiera today. If all this has been going on—it reminds me of the way you two fought before getting together five years ago—she deserved to know,” Chris says sympathetically. “I meant what I said last night when I told you it was a mistake not to tell him how you feel. The way Sebastian loved you is the kind of love that never disappears.”
I shake my head stubbornly. “He is engaged and living with another woman. It’s too late.”
“It’s never too late if you still love him too.”
~
I really need to apologize to Kiera.
I knock on the front door again because I know she’s home; there are lights on inside and a car is in the driveway. All I want to do is tell her that I’m sorry, and I have another photographer who I called after my talk with Chris who is willing to take over for me. I can’t photograph this wedding even if Kiera still wants me to after what happened today.If it’s still happening that is, my brain stupidly reminds me, trying to rationalize the guilt I feel.