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“Did you think at all when you decided to take a trip with her?” he demands.
“What I thought before taking a trip with her is that I’m fucking sick of thinking about how me doing something that would make me happy will affect other people. Is that a good enough answer?”
Pat chokes in surprise. “Look, I’m sorry all this shit is happening to you, but I don’t understand why you couldn’t wait for the heat around you to die down first?”
I take one hand off the wheel to run it through my hair. “How bad is it?”
“It’s really not great, Sebastian.”
Fuck. I should have predicted that something like this would happen. I don’t have the same luxury to live my life as freely as other people. I just wanted to…not think. It sounded so nice.
“You need to consider doing a press conference,” he says, and I nearly swerve into the other lane.
“Absolutely fucking not. I play football. I’m not discussing my personal life with the media. You know where I stand on this.” I’ve been adamant about this since I signed my contract with the Panthers. I’ll show up to whatever is required of me for the team and sponsorships, but I don’t talk about the personal details of my life.
Pat sighs, clearly as frustrated with all of this as I am—except he might be more frustrated with me. “You play professional football, not just football. I know where you stand, but you’re a public figure whether you like it or not, and people are demanding answers. You just ended a three-year-long relationship two weeks before your wedding, and then you were stupid enough to be pictured with another woman a week and a half later frolicking on the beach. I know you don’t want to talk, but Kiera’s friend or whoever the fuck she is, is talking. If you don’t figure out a way to get over yourself, you might get your wish and no one will give a shit about your personal life because you’ll be out of a job.”
“I’m not doing a press conference. Find any other way to handle it.” I hang up, cursing under my breath as I resist the urge to hit my steering wheel.
“I’m sorry,” Thalia apologizes, and I turn my head quickly to look at her, causing her to gasp. “Keep your eyes on the road!”
Fuck this.I flick my turn signal on, taking the exit to pull off on the side of the road. “Why the hell are you apologizing?” I demand, turning to look at her again. This time she can’t protest cause we’re not driving, and she can’t turn away to hide what she’s thinking from me.
The guilt written all over her face causes my stomach to sink. “Because I asked you to come. We could have left after dinner, or hell, even before it. It would have avoided the whole mess about staying at the hotel for you.”
“I don’t care if it was a whole mess. I was withyou. I’m not going to stop spending time with you because it’s bad optics for me. That fucker should never have said what he did to you. I’m so sorry, Lia.”
She purses her lips, shaking her head. “Maybe we should go back to giving each other space. I think it’s the best thing we can do until things in your life calm down. I don’t want to complicate it any more than I have by planning this stupid trip.”
“Thalia, you are the least complicated thing in my life right now. If you want space, then I’ll give you space, but last night you told me you wanted every part of me. You have me. You’ve always had me, but this is one of the ugly moments that come with me.”
Her eyes fill with tears. “Bash, I do want you. I think if we want a shot at a future, we can’t do things the way we have before. Everything with us has always been full steam ahead.” Thalia wipes at her cheeks, laughing quietly. “I used to refer to being with you as jumping feet first into the deep end of a pool. I know how I feel about you, but knowing that, I shouldn’t have suggested yesterday.”
I hear what she’s saying because that’s how things always have been between us. Neither of us are very patient people, especially when it comes to the other. “What happened with the photographers is not your fault, and honestly, yesterday was the best day I’ve had in a long time.”
“It was for me too,” Thalia says.
“Please hear me when I say that you’re someone I want in my life. I just went the last four years without having you in it, and I see now that I was a shell of the person I am with you. I have been in love with you for as long as I can remember. It might make me an asshole or the worst person ever, but I never stopped. I don’t know how to,” I say, reaching over to gently intertwine our fingers together.
“I never stopped either,” she admits, dropping her head forward as she clutches my hand tightly. “I’m scared, Sebastian. I want to be in your life, but we…we can’t be stuck in this limbo right now. It’s not good for either of us, and I don’t think I’m capable of just being your friend.” Thalia’s blonde hair is hanging down to hide her face, and as much as this isn’t what I want her to say, she’s right. We’re not capable of being only friends anymore.
I lean forward to brush her curtain of hair back, pressing my lips gently against her forehead. “Je t’aime.”
“I love you too.”
I swallow the lump in my throat, wishing for the thousandth time I could go back and redo that night. “I promise I’ll get my shit figured out. Trust me when I say that I don’t particularly want to keep you waiting very long.”
“I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to make things harder for you.” Thalia lifts her head revealing her red eyes. “You should listen to your agent—do the press conference. You’ve done nothing wrong, and fuck everyone who thinks you did.”
God, she’s fucking perfect for me. “Unless being in love with another woman when I was supposed to be getting married to a different one is normal, I did do something wrong. I might not have cheated, but I’m not innocent either. You didn’t make things harder so please don’t say that.”
“Bash, it’s going to come out eventually. Don’t let her carry your name through the mud in the process. Your career and the truth matter.”
I don’t let go of her hand the entire drive home as I ignore every single call from Owen, Kiera, and whoever else has decided that what I do in my free time is their business. The only person’s opinion I care about is sitting next to me.
The only regret I have is how long I stayed with Kiera when I could have been with Thalia all along. We both had some growing up to do, but we found our way back.
That’s what counts.