Page 36 of Under Their Watch

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because he was supposed to protect me, not fuck me,” I say bluntly. “You know I was sixteen when I realized that not all dads fucked their little girls? Dad started the touching and having me touch him when I was very young, and I thought all little girls pleased their daddies like that. He always told me that Mom wouldn’t understand, and she would be jealous of how close he and I were. I wanted to make him happy, so when he said it was our little secret, I vowed to never upset him by telling our secret.”

“Tell me about the touching,” he says. “What did that consist of.”

“Bluntly?” I ask.

“Whatever is easiest for you,” he says.

“The time I didn’t know what exactly he was having me do, but he was having me jerk him off, basically. He eventually moved on to having me put him in my mouth. That gradually morphed into full on oral sex,” I explain. “It got to the point that I felt obligated to do it, so I was seeking it out in a way. It was the only time I got attention from him, so I did it every chance I could. It felt so good to have him praise me afterward. I feel out of my mind for wanting that praise from him.”

“Is it the praise you get from him or just to be praised in general?” Theo asks.

“I think it’s just praise,” I say. “I remember the first time he had me swallow. He told me he loved me for the first time in probably years. Every time after that where I’d swallow, he’d tell me he loved me.”

“How did things change when you were twelve?” he asks.

“I started my period for the first time, and he told me everything I needed to know. He told me everything about anatomy, the process in general, and explained what sex was. I knew, but he told me I was a woman now, and I was ready to understand,” I explain. “He asked if I wanted to be his good girl and help him feel good. I obviously said yes, so he showed me how to put acondom on him. He explained that if I got pregnant, my mom would be jealous because she couldn’t have any more babies. He said she would take me away from him and the baby, so I promised I wouldn’t tell her. It’s odd to look back on and think about because I don’t remember it hurting. I wasn’t on my period anymore, but he explained that I would bleed a little, but he would take care of me. He used lube and started slow. Every time after that, he would go a bit harder. Eventually, it was the time as what anyone would do. Maybe harder. It was so normal that again, I was seeking it out. I wanted his attention, so I would have sex with him to get it.”

“So, when he texted you that, was it the obligation you felt toward him, or were you wanting to feel his praise again?” Theo asks. I drop my head again. Theo gently lifts my chin and swipes away the fallen tears. “It is nothing to be ashamed of, Rhea.”

“It’s not that I want him,” I sniff. “I just…”

“What?” he asks.

“It sounds dumb after explaining all of that,” I admit.

“Try me,” he smiles.

“There is just something special about being brutalized but then praised while you’re on your knees with tears running down your face,” I say. “To be told that you took it like a good little whore is… nice.”

“I’m thinking what I did wasn’t much of a punishment then,” he chuckles.

“No,” I say. “Anika, Emma, and Mia… They are the same way. You brutally fucking us is not a punishment. Knowing that we’ve disappointed you is the punishment. None of us like to make any of you all disappointed. When they intentionally piss you off, they are just wanting your attention the same way I wanted my dad’s attention.”

“You know what that is, right?” he asks.

“What?”

“That’s what it means to be a brat,” he says. “Sex was never the punishment, Rhea. I know full and well that all of you enjoy that. If you didn’t, I wouldn’t do it. I know that sometimes what a brat needs is to have that little attitude of theirs fucked out of them. I know that the intensity of it brings clarity. When the others realize this, I have no doubt that they will use this tactic as well.”

“I don’t know if I’d survive Quinn and Jace fucking me that hard,” I laugh. “I’m sorry I was a bitch to you.”

“It’s okay,” he smiles. “How do you feel?”

“Like Quinn was smart with preparing an ice pack,” I say and Theo laughs. “Did your piercings hurt?”

“Did getting a needle shoved through my dick hurt?” he asks, and I giggle. “Yes, it hurt. Not as badly as I expected though.”

“Now I want to talk the others into it,” I say.

“I don’t know if I can go that long without sex,” Jace says as he and Quinn step off the stairs and walk over to sit with us.

“It’s not too bad,” Theo says. “Worth it for the reaction you’ll get.”

“Tempting,” Quinn says, kissing my temple.