Page 46 of Under Their Watch

“What is wrong with all of you?” Theo asks.

“So much,” Anika says. “If you’re going to defile her dead body, you have to do the same to me.”

“Deal,” Max laughs.

“Y’all are gross,” I mumble.

“Damn. Here I thought I could fuck you limp,” Max says before kissing my temple.

“You did fuck me limp, freak,” I say and he laughs again. Rowan helps sit me up and I sigh.

“What’s wrong?” Quinn asks.

“Just sucks to be back in my brain is all,” I say. “I need… something. I don’t know. I need a brain break.”

“What about a scene?” Jace asks. “Maybe something that doesn’t end with you calling a safe word, though.”

“Can we?” I ask.

“Not us, Theo,” Quinn says. “I think letting him show you the whip would be a nice little break.”

“Wait, really?” I ask.

“Yes, but we need to talk first,” he says.

“Theo,” I complain.

“Sorry, babe. Feelings first, freaky shit later,” Theo says.

“Fine. What?”

“Why do you want more pain?” he asks.

“It makes my brain shut up,” I say.

“At what point do you think it will be enough?”

“When I can go more than 30 seconds without thinking about him trying to kill me,” I say.

“So, it’s not the rape?”

“No,” I say. “Do you know how many times that man has fucked me? I am so used to it that it doesn’t even register as good or bad. It’s normal. It’s not normal for him to try to kill me. He’s never hurt me before like that. He’s never put my life in danger. Why now? Why does he suddenly want me dead? He could’ve tried to brainwash me back into living with them or some shit. He had so many different options, yet he decided to try to kill me instead.”

“The dead can’t talk,” Anika says.

“What do you mean?” Theo asks.

“If she’s dead, there’s no one to tell her story. Only the two of them know just how bad it was, and he knows that the cops are getting close to him. He figured a murder charge would be less of a charge than whatever he’s trying to hide,” she says.

“Probably the child porn,” Quinn says. “He’s a judge and a child molester. If he goes to jail with one of those charges for hurting a child, they will fucking destroy him in jail. Prisoners don’t take kindly to people who hurt children.”

“That’s a good point,” Theo says. “Without proof or your testimony, they wouldn’t be able to charge him with any of that for when you were a kid.”

“Yeah,” I sigh. “It just fucks with my head. I don’t like it in here right now, so I want out for a second.”

“Are you wanting the pain or the escape it brings?” he asks.

“The escape,” I say.