Page 17 of Everything I Crave
“Well, why did ya?” She goes back to cooking but doesn’t end the conversation.
“It’s complicated.”
“You like singing?” she asks.
“It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do but in Nashville -”
“You ain’t in Nashville anymore, Little Red. You’re here with us. You sing if you wanna sing. Anyone complains and I’ll take care of ‘em.”
This is Mack ending the conversation. This is Mack accepting me. She makes it seem so simple.
“Yes, ma’am.” I risk a hug to her side, she doesn’t stop what she’s doing but the corners of her lips tick up just enough for me to notice.
I go back out to the patio feeling lighter than I have in a while. Who knew I just needed Mack's approval that it was okay to sing here at The Bar, that she and this patio are my safe space. After I take care of some of my other tables I go back to my sisters’ table.
I’m happy to see them, but I feel like they have ulterior motives for coming to see me. They want to know the full story of what happened in Nashville but I’m still not ready. I lost so much; my career, my friends, my passion. All bought by Jake and left me high and dry. Including the girls who were going to come forward in the lawsuit with me.
“Are you singing tonight, sweetheart?” Johnny, the lead singer of the band asks.
They were here last time I sang for the girls who made a request. The time that I fell off the stage because I kept getting shots from them.
“I don’t know.”
I don’t know if I want to get up there to sing without some liquid courage. Singing to break up the fight was different. I sang out of necessity. I saw it once in a movie, so I gave it a go. It looked like Mack and Gunnar needed help. And after the mess I created with the drinks, I kind of owed them.
“Oh, come on, get up here. You’re a better singer than he is anyway.” His drummer juts his thumb toward Johnny.
I peek through the window into the kitchen and see Mack’s encouraging look.
“How about a duet?” I counter.
“You got it, sweetheart.” He smirks at me.
“Let me just do one more round around the patio then I’ll be ready, if it’s ok with Gunnar.”
He yells over to Gunnar to get permission and Gunnar sends a thumbs up back in his direction. The only one with a frown seems to be Madeline. She can’t stand that I’m getting more attention than her.
Lucky for her, she doesn’t know the bullshit that comes with the attention.
I make one more round to check on my tables, making my sisters’ table the last stop.
“I’m about to go sing a song with the band, do you guys need anything before I do that?”
“No! Just to see you do what you love,” Addy answers for all three of them. She claps her hands in front of her in excitement.
Guilt slams into my chest. All my sisters want is for me to open up to them so they can help. And all I’ve done is push them all away.
I head back to the stage. Johnny extends his hand for me to be pulled up onto the stage.
“What do you think about ‘I Walk the Line’?”
Such a classic duet choice. My voice has always been best with a simple guitar. I hated when Jake wanted me to use auto tuning, or have loud bandmates.
“Are you asking to be the Johnny to my June?” I joke with him, but catch the scowl on Gunnar’s face that is directed in Johnny’s direction.
He just winks back at me in response before grabbing his own mic.
He introduces me and the song to the crowd. Surprisingly, more people come out to the patio from inside the bar. The patio is packed now, and my nerves are heightened. The tingle in my palms is growing. I did gigs before, but these are the people I grew up with, and the people who don’t know of my epic failure in Nashville.