Page 42 of Fighting for Lucy

If she was never going to be able to have Zander for real, if he wasn’t in a place where he was willing to give her a chance, to give them a chance, then she didn't want to pass up this opportunity.

It could be all she ever had.

There was a better than even chance that as soon as they got home, he was going to disappear, and if that happened, she wanted to have this memory to hold on to.

Maybe there were the last remnants of the drug in her system, giving her a confidence she wouldn’t otherwise have possessed, because she didn't hesitate to reach up and grab his shoulders the second he settled them under a rocky outcrop like the one they’d slept in that first night in the jungle.

Drawing him down, he was unresistant, but also didn't participate as she touched her lips to his. If he didn't want this then she’d stop, but she felt his need as surely as she felt her own, and she knew he wanted this every bit as much as she did.

It might be all either of them ever had.

After a couple of seconds, she felt his control snap, and then he was lifting her up, hauling her against him, the bulge in his pants nestled against her throbbing center as he kissed her until there was no air left in her lungs.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” he asked against her lips.

“Positive.”

“Lucy, I can't promise anything. I want to, but … I'm not in a good place right now and I won't drag you down with me.”

“You'd never drag me down,” she told him, positive of that. Zander was struggling, and he wasn’t the only one who had lived through a horrific ordeal. What had happened to her at Raul’shouse would live in her head forever, and right now, it felt impossible for it not to affect everything she did from here on out.

But with Zander she was safe.

That thought was all that was in her head at the moment.

Nothing else.

She wouldn’t let anything contaminate this beautiful moment.

“I'm not asking for promises, all I'm asking is that you don’t shut me out. Let me be there for you. I know what it’s like to feel alone, and I'm not at all comparing having epilepsy to living through what you did, but you feel enough for me to save my life, so please feel enough for me not to shut me out. I'm here for you, Zander.”

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, his lips were back on hers. While he didn't say anything she felt his gratefulness, his awe, and his appreciation in the kiss that reached down inside her body all the way to her soul.

Pressing her back against the rock, he balanced her with one hand on her backside while his other found its way inside her pants. Despite what had happened earlier, nothing but desire fanned to life inside her as he ran a finger across her wet center.

There was a desperation she knew they both felt, and Zander didn't hesitate to nudge his finger at her entrance. He teased it a little first, rimming around it before slipping just the tip in. His thumb found her bud, and when it glided across it, she already felt pleasure beginning to build inside her.

After all the orgasms in the shower, and only small doses of the drug in her system after, Lucy would have sworn there was no way her body could orgasm again for days. But already it was quivering inside her.

“Zander,” she moaned as his finger sank all the way inside her, grazing that spot that had little pinprick stars dancing in her vision.

“You're so tight, babe, so perfect,” he murmured, then began to kiss and nibble at her neck.

With nimble fingers, he simultaneously worked her inside and out, all while taking her weight with his other hand, and never before in her life had she felt so utterly secure. Didn't matter that they were in the jungle, being hunted, that they were both scarred and a little broken inside, in this moment everything was perfect.

Just as she felt herself beginning to climb the ladder of pleasure, Zander’s fingers withdrew. A protest fell from her lips, and Zander’s hearty laugh kept her hovering on the ladder, not falling completely back down again.

“Hold on, babe, want to be inside you when I come. Do I need a condom? I'm clean, haven’t had sex in … I don’t even remember how long.”

“I'm clean, too, and on birth control. I don’t want anything between us, Zander.” Not a condom, not his trauma, and not her own. No barriers, she wanted to feel the full ramifications of this connection that tied them together.

“I've never gone in without one, I'm glad you're my first,” Zander whispered as he unzipped himself and pulled his very impressive length free.

Feeling what he’d left unsaid, that she would be his first and likely only, Lucy refused to let it take her out of this moment. Zander wasn’t lost to her yet, and she was going to do everything she could to hold onto him. All he had to do was let her, she’d do the rest.

Let me in, Zander.

The silent plea echoed through her mind at the exact moment that Zander shoved her pants down, removing them, and then slid inside her in one smooth move.