Page 68 of Fighting for Lucy

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

January 28th

6:18 A.M.

It had been a long,cold, terrifying night.

Lucy’s head throbbed with a vicious headache from being knocked out when she and Zander were abducted, and she had no doubt that she had another concussion.

Not a good thing for any person to have two head injuries so close together, but for somebody like her, whose brain malfunctioned all on its own, without prompting, sending her into seizures for no identifiable reason, it was particularly dangerous.

But worse than the cold, worse than knowing what was coming, worse than the pain and the fear, was feeling Zander slip further and further away from her.

He could barely look at her and had uttered nothing more than the bare minimum to answer a direct question, although he’d ignored her at first when she’d woken up and begged him to speak to her so she knew he wasn’t dead.

Those minutes when she wasn’t sure if he had survived the initial kidnapping were the worst.

When he didn't answer her, she was positive it was because she’d already lost him.

Then finally, he’d told her he was alive. He’d told her who had taken them, although since they weren't in the jungle she’d kind of figured it out all on her own anyway. And that was about it. After giving her the briefest of rundowns on what would likely happen to them so she could be prepared, he’d just shut down.

She got it.

Really she did.

Already he blamed himself for the deaths of his teammates at the hand of Zimraan Mostafa’s brother, and to be back there, with her, this was like reliving his worst nightmare.

So, while she understood his need to withdraw from her and start building emotional boundaries he wouldn’t allow her to cross, it didn't mean it didn't hurt.

Because it did hurt.

A lot.

She was already losing him even though he was still alive, and at the worst possible time. She needed him right now, needed his comfort and reassurance even if it was in vain. And she knew that he needed her, too. He needed to know that she wasn’t angry with him and didn't blame him. Whatever happened to them was not his fault. If she could take that assurance and force it into his brain, she’d do it in a heartbeat.

This was not Zander’s fault.

He’d been doing his job when he and his team were captured, and he’d been doing his job when he gathered the intel on the weapons deal so Zafir Mostafa could be caught or killed. If the terrorist’s brother had vowed vengeance that was not on his head.

But how could she convince him of that when he wouldn’t even look at her?

As much as she wanted to beg and plead with him not to shut her out, that if she was going to suffer and die then she at least wanted to hold onto the connection they were forging, she didn't. Zander had to survive how he had to survive, and she couldn’t demand that he put her needs above his own.

So, instead, she sat huddled in the corner, knees pulled up to her chest, arm wrapped around her legs, her body shaking so badly her muscles ached. They hadn't dressed to be outside in the cold since they would only be inside at Prey, and her jeans and sweater were no match for icy temperatures.

Her mouth was dry with that cottony feeling of dehydration, but she could do nothing about it. It wasn’t like she was going to call out to the men inside the houses surrounding the courtyard. They didn't care if she was dehydrated or cold. They’d brought her there maybe because they knew she was connected to Zander or just because she’d been with him at the time, but whatever the purpose, she was there to be tortured and killed, her comfort was of little consequence to them.

Although she couldn’t know for sure, she was pretty sure she hadn't been brought by accident. Somehow, Zimraan knew that she and Zander were a couple, and that was why she was there.

Which made it all worse.

There was no chance in hell that Zander wasn’t going to blame himself for this.

Lucy ached to reach out and soothe him however she could. They could have spent the hours comforting one another, talking through what had happened, who could have leaked intel to the Syrian terrorist, anything to pass the hours so she hadn't had to spend them alone.

Now the first rays of sunlight were beginning to streak the sky, and Lucy could honestly say she had never felt this alone in her entire life.

With more light filling the courtyard, she could better make out Zander’s huddled form in the opposite corner. His big body was curled in on itself and she knew everything would have been just the tiniest bit better if she could touch him. Offer comfort and take some comfort for herself.