Page 22 of Ruin Me

“Why are you telling me this? Do you want me to feel bad? Because I do. I never meant her any harm, and she didn’t deserve what happened.”

“No, she didn’t, but don’t misunderstand. I’m not telling you this to guilt you.” Kent rubbed his chest as the brackets around his mouth deepened. “I needed you to know what happened. Because until you showed up, I hadn’t felt anything deep enough to move me, and I hated it was you of all people, to make me feel again. I honestly don’t know what this means long-term, but I’m tired of fighting myself when you’re right here. And now that I’ve glimpsed the hell you’ve been living in, I don’t think I can stay away from you even if I wanted to.”

“This is a lot to take in,” I said. “And I don’t think after everything else, I should make decisions right now.”

“I understand, and I won’t rush you…”

“I sense a but.”

“It’s just that… I’d really like to hold you.”

His response surprised me and filled me with warmth. All this time I’d been tempting his lust, but instead of pushing for it, he demanded a different level of intimacy.

“I’ll be honest. Having you in my arms is partly selfish. I need to know that you’ll be okay after what I did downstairs, butabove that, I’m hoping we can soothe each other’s pain. We’ve been carrying it around for eight years. Aren’t you exhausted?”

I hugged myself as I thought about his request. “Where did you want to hold me?”

“We could lie on the couch or in the bedroom. Wherever you’re comfortable.”

Now that my emotions have leveled out, I scanned the room. This was my first time in Kent’s penthouse, but I couldn’t be comfortable here. This was the place he brought his one-night stands. Meaningless hookups that had no future.

“Can we go somewhere else? Your house if it isn’t too painful… or a hotel. Maybe the other penthouse,” I rushed to add when his eyes widened in shock.

“I haven’t brought a woman home since Lola.”

“The downstairs penthouse, then.” I nodded, a little disappointed, although I understood.

CHAPTER 10

Kent

I led Madison to the elevator. Though a sense of relief stayed with me, the disappointment I’d glimpsed in her eyes when I mentioned my house was a boulder-sized weight on my shoulders.

Instead of clicking the button to go to the second penthouse, I selected the garage. She turned questioning eyes on me, but I didn’t have the words needed to explain my actions. I let her wonder in silence if I was taking her to a hotel, but doing so felt too impersonal after what we’d experienced.

We traveled in silence to my house, but when Madison stood at the threshold, she paused.

“Why?” she asked.

I looked at the home I’d shared with Oyinlola, the place Ife still found comfort in. There were so many bittersweet moments under this roof that I forced myself to face whenever Ife visited. But one thing had changed. The pain I avoided was no longer a raging menace, and it was thanks to Madison. Suddenly, the words that escaped me crystallized.

“I can’t expect you to explore these feelings we have for each other if I can’t show you I’m ready to move on from Lola. And I want the chance to rewriteourhistory in this house and give you something positive to remove the sting from what I did the last time you were here.”

“You’ve been agonizing over this before I made my request, haven’t you?”

I shrugged, not proud of my behavior but wanting with everything inside me to overcome my shortcomings and gain something more with Madison.

She stepped through the house. Not much had changed over the years. A cleaning service came in every week to maintain the space, but all the furniture and photos were in their usual spots. As Madison trailed her fingers over wooden surfaces and photo collages, I watched from inside the door.

My instincts were right. Seeing her here didn’t cause a violent revolt inside me.

“About what happened in your office…”

My body stiffened at her words. I hadn’t planned the punishment I doled out, neither could I say how I felt about it. Despite restraining the power of my blows, I’d done something out of character, and Madison had every right to call the police on me.

“I didn’t know how much I needed that kind of release. If ever things build up for me like that again, would you… I can’t believe I’m asking for this.” She shook her head while avoiding eye contact with me.

“You want me to punish you in the event you act up?”