Page 96 of Ruin Me
Thanks to Emily’s friends, I landed in Santa Marta, Colombia within a week. I was still getting used to my new identity, but I expected it would take months. I found a modest home andset up a VPN. My first message was to my parents. The second and most nerve wracking was to Ife. I had little hope she would respond, but if she ever did, I wouldn’t think twice before going to her.
My new home was colorful with comfortable furnishings. The climate here was always warm, but I rarely felt the heat. A chill took up residence inside me and nothing I did thawed the frost. My only comfort was the picture of Kent I kept on the pillow beside me at night. Without it, I slept fitfully and woke without feeling rested.
A month dragged by, but I had no desire to do anything but watch the sea on my balcony. I had plenty of funds to last me years and no ambition to find alternative employment. Maybe one day when I could get through the hours without crying myself to sleep.
The worst part was I only had myself to blame. I made the choice, now I had to live with the consequences. My only regret was Kent was somewhere also living with the repercussions of my decision.
One day, maybe he would forgive me, even if I didn’t deserve his absolution.
CHAPTER 39
Kent
“Dad?” The worry in Ife’s voice failed to move me today. As it had failed yesterday and the day before and every day for the past month.
She wasn’t alone in her ineffectiveness. Nothing, unless it dealt with Madison’s whereabouts, moved me.
Ife appeared at the threshold of my living room, concern dominating the features so much like her mother’s.
Looking at her hurt. Not because she reminded me of losing my Lola. That would have been an easy reminder to live with. At this moment, seeing my daughter only reminded me why Madison chose to sneak away like a criminal on the run. I avoided her gaze, preferring the amber liquid in my hand. I gulped mouthfuls, welcoming the burn as it slid down my throat.
“How long are you going to be like this?”
I stared into the bottle I held in my hand. Last time it took two and a half bottles before Madison visited me in my dreams. However, I’d passed that one bottle ago and was still conscious. Why wouldn’t drunken sleep overtake me and allow me the fewmoments of sweet torment that made waking up to another day bearable?
Why did I still want to wake to a new dawn when dreams of my sweet Madison were better than my reality? Because with every sunrise came the hope I’d hear news of Madison’s location.
“When’s the last time you walked Benson and Stabler?” Ife switched the topic since I refused to discuss the company.
I glanced toward where the boys had taken up vigil. Like me, they barely moved from their spot in front of the elevator.
“A dog walker takes them out,” I said, dragging my eyes away from them.
Her mouth turned down in a frown. “Why is it they don’t move from that spot whenever I visit?”
“They’re waiting for their mother to come home. They seldom move from there, and when they do, it’s for food or water. Then they return to their vigil.” I guzzled from the bottle until only an inch or two remained.
Ife huffed, then snatched the liquor from my hands. “Dad, I could really use your help. I’ve been trying to keep the company afloat without you. Since you stopped showing up, the board voted me in as the interim CEO but I’m so out of my depth.”
Although she changed the subject, I was no more interested in the topic. “Who cares? You can sell the business if it’s too much to handle. You have my proxy. It was probably what put you in the CEO seat. Use it to liquidate or whatever you want to do.”
“You don’t mean that. Not after we fought so hard for you to maintain your control.”
“Ife.” I sighed, mentally and emotionally exhausted. “Be honest with me. Was Madison the price for my company?”
She stepped back. “W-w-why would you ask me that?”
I pulled the letter I kept over my heart. “Good question. Maybe because I’ve read and reread this letter countless times,but it makes little sense. Despite loving me, Madison still left.” I turned and captured Ife’s watery gaze. “You’re the only person she would abandon everything she loved for. But then I think about the days I was in jail. You two almost seemed close again. So how did your rapport disappear as if I’d never seen it? As if you’d struck a deal.” I met Ife’s eyes.
Now she avoided my gaze. “I don’t get it. When Mom died, you weren’t like this. You buried yourself in work, making Luxe Locations a titan in the industry. If it worked once, it can work again to help you get over her.”
“Ife, I don’t want to get over her. And even if I did, I couldn’t.”
“Why? Are you saying you love her more than you loved Mom?”
“Ife, your mother died! It’s not about who I love more. I had no hope of ever seeing Lola again, so yes, I used work as a crutch. I still love Lola, but she isn’t here and I’ve found love again, one I never thought to experience again. With Madison, not only is she alive, but she’s alone somewhere and she’s suffering.” I stretched my hands out, noting their emptiness. “So I’m suffering. Her pain, your pain, their pain”—I pointed toward the animals—“ And my pain. With all that, why should I care about a company that cost me my heart?”
Ife kneeled before me, placed the liquor bottle on the ground, and held my hands. She kissed my knuckles one hand at a time.