Page 13 of Awariye

That explained his pink cheeks and bubbling glee. Rather than helping Sigrid, I had to keep moving out of her way, I was so entranced.

"See, there he is, Wren," Awariye gestured to me, but the movement was loopy and uncoordinated. "I told you he's real."

Wren laughed. "Igor? Yes, he is real, you silly thing."

I quirked a brow up in question, crossing my arms and planting my feet with a look that saidDid you forget I exist?

Awariye's mouth stretched into a smile and his eyes shone with such mirth that I could not help but echo it back to him. "You see, Igor, at the monastery, we trained to hold certain images in our minds as we fell asleep, so the subconscious has a symbol to ponder and work on while we rest."

Wren perked up at that, going nerdy. "Ach!Yes, indeed. For those of us doing more advanced training, we go through a long system of breathing exercises before bed, pulling life force into certain energy centers in our body. Then we review the day’s events in reverse order, which helps the immortal soul process the current incarnation and makes things easier between lives.Thenwe focus on a symbolic image as we drop off to sleep. But what does that have to do with Igor?"

Awariye waved his free hand likewait your turn, I'll get there. "There are many different images one can use to drop off to sleep. Care to name some, Wren?"

I smiled at Awariye indulging his bookish comrade. Wren gladly jumped in, bouncing in his seat. I caught Ulbrecht smiling privately to himself at Wren's enthusiasm, rubbing his palm on Wren's thigh in encouragement.

"Some eastern traditions have practitioners imagine a lotus blossom blooming within their bodies as they drop off to sleep. It's a metaphor for the unfolding of their enlightenment," Wren explained. "Our western tradition has quite a few. One is to imagine the sun shining over water. It's a metaphor for the One Life, the Absolute or the Manifest, awakening the Unmanifest from within the cauldron of Annwfn, at the dawn of each Cosmic Day."

I glanced at Ulbrecht and found him looking at me, a perplexed expression that likely mirrored my own. Those two had clearly gone off into the woods and left us behind, but we didn't have it in us to tame their joy.

"And another one we use is to imagine our higher souls with us," said Awariye. "As larger humans nearby as we hand over our consciousness and succumb to sleep."

"Well, only some branches of our tradition hold that our higher souls are humanoid, but yes..." Wren trailed off.

"Or..." Awariye interjected. "If you're a lonely bard on your travels, you can take that exercise and instead imagine a partner in the bed with you, andthat'swhy I keep getting startled when I wake up and Igor is actually there."

There was a beat of silence, and then everyone in the room burst into giggles, Sigrid included.

Awariye sobered first, furrowing his brows with a memory clearly dimmed at the moment by all the medicines rushing through his system. "But you have a lover, don't you? And yet, there's something I never seem to remember..."

As Sigrid bundled up the last of the bedding and carried it out, waving me off when I offered assistance, I came to stand in front of my beautiful bard and knelt at his feet to look up at him. "You remember because we've talked about him a couple of times before, but always when you wake in the night and your tired mind might have sifted the information elsewhere in favor of your healing."

As if on the edge of that memory, making contact with the emotions associated with it, even if the information was still suppressed, Awariye's skin turned blotchy around his eyes as they filled with tears, red-rimmed.

"He was my lover, my best friend, and my shield mate," I supplied.

Ulbrecht drew in a heavy breath. "Kristoff. By the light of heaven, we all miss him. He was a good fighter; you two were unstoppable together. Sören was always saying how Igor and Kristoff reminded him of the way he and I fight so well together."

My king's statements filled me with pride and power, remembering the strength Kristoff had always given to me and I to him. What we'd shared had fueled us both, had made us men. I was as strong as I could be today thanks to him, and I hoped he carried my love for him into the beyond. Just in talking about him, I could see his smile and hear his laugh, his dark red hair flying wild and his brown eyes twinkling with delight.

But now Awariye's eyes spilled over with tears, and I could not let him be in pain. Releasing Wren's hand, Awariye beckoned to me, and I went to him, leaning in so he could hug me. He spread his knees apart and I moved in even closer, my head against his chest as we wrapped our arms around each other.

"I'm so sorry, Igor," said Wren as Awariye sniffled and cried into my hair, resting his cheek against the top of my head.

"It's all right," I answered truthfully, because it was. "Kristoff is the reason I now believe in the Unseen."

For a moment I relived those memories, and thankfully my king spoke for me. "That's right. You said his spirit stayed close to you for a couple of battles because he wanted to make sure you weren't leaving your back open, expecting him to be there. That was why I had you come closer to me. Even though it's an unusual formation, with Sören at my side and now you at my back it still works. Though that's what got you injured this last time."

"And also why I don't regret it," I replied. I would die for Ulbrecht, but the harder struggle was to keep living for him, to keep this king alive through such bloodshed.

Awariye had calmed somewhat, no longer trembling as his emotions rolled through him. Yet still I held him close, not wanting our embrace to end.

"Kristoff would have loved you," I told him softly.

"One day, in the beyond, I hope to meet him," answered my sweet bard.

"There will be time between lives to reconnect with your loved ones," added Wren.

"And if he has gone ahead to his next life, then I await the chance to fight with him again," said Ulbrecht.