Page 129 of Mafia And Maid
“He’ll take my son. He has all the power in that situation. He’ll do whatever he can to take him from me. I could hire the best lawyer in the world, and it wouldn’t matter. He has power and pull. I can’t ever risk that happening.I can’t.”
“We have power. We have pull. My brothers and I, we can figure it out.”
“It’s not the same kind of pull.” Her words pierce my chest. She’s not wrong. But it still stings. She perches on the edge of the bed. “I want to be rid of him, but I can’t. I can’t risk my son. I can’t risk the court giving custody of Ethan to that monster. I can’t do that to Ethan.” She’s kneeling now on the bed, pleading with me to understand.
But her words ring in my ears.Not the same kind. The pull that separates us from them.The kind that divides her from me.
“I’m yours,” she breathes, settling herself on my lap. Soft hands cup my face as she searches my eyes. “I’m yours. You have me. Completely.”
But I don’t.
“Please.” Her words are soft, her gaze falling from my face. “Say you understand? I have you, and you have me. That’s all that matters. Right?”
“I do.” My thumb brushes her cheek, watching her eyes flutter closed. But the words are hollow, meaningless.
She might not have said it in so many words, but the rejection still stings. It slices through me like acid. And bile burns the back of my throat.
She’s not mine to keep.
The voice whispers again and again in the back of my head.
I’ve always known that. I knew it the moment I kissed her. The moment I tasted her and claimed her body. I knew that I’d never be able to hold on to her. Because that’s the way the world works.
I’m not likethem.
I’m not likehim.
He’s powerful in a way that stems generations and reeks of nepotism. He’s connected and threaded into the high society of Chicago. I’m…none of that. People don’t know my name the way they do theirs. I’m the shadow lurking against the wall, barred from entering. And I’m lesser because of it.
My chest tightens uncomfortably as the feeling settles over my skin.
“Camillo?” Her lips graze my jaw and neck.
“I should get up,” I tell her as I push the covers back.
Her brow furrows as disappointment and hurt briefly flicker over her features.
I take her in my arms. I can feel the heat in her body, but it’s not enough to distract me from my thoughts. I keep hearing that voice in the back of my head that continues to haunt my nightmares. I’m not good enough—and nothing can change that…
I kiss her forehead where it wrinkles as I shove the thoughts and feelings that bubble in my gut down. They don’t belong here right now.
Because I have this woman in my arms, pressed against me, demanding my attention. For now, it’s enough.
It has to be.
I’ll worry later. And I’ll deal with the rest later.
“If we don’t, we’ll never leave this bed. Plus, I have a meeting at the casino this morning.”
“Oh?”
“I’ll be back before lunch,” I assure her, pecking the corner of her lips. “Then we can finish this and watch that movie Ethan wanted.”
I ease her from my body. Each of my muscles are wound tight with some push and pull I don’t understand.
I need the gym. I need to work out my frustrations to see the bigger picture. I need to figure this shit out. To find a way to be part of her world. But for me, it’s an impossible task…
“I’ll meet you down there,” I murmur, heading toward the shower, each step stiffer than the last.