Page 21 of Serious Cowboy

“Put it down,” he told her, his tone one hundred percent order.

She did, craning her neck around to gape at him. “Zeke…” Her tone was questioning, but he barely registered this.

“You can’t be in here.” His voice sounded empty. Hollow. Then, he repeated, “You can’t be in here.”

“Sorry,” she mumbled, then began to ramble. “Guess I shouldn’t have gone in without your permission. Truly, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to invade your space but I thought taking a peek would help me get to know more about you. I want to know all about you. I mean we’re together. You can trust me, you know.” His only response was silence. Callie went on. “That looks like you in that photograph, but who is the pregnant girl?”

Zeke’s brain had become nothing but static. Nothing but an endless cacophony of buzzy white noise. He was trying to react so strongly to Callie being in his bedroom, but he couldn’t stop the need to hide his past even from her.

He attempted to clear buzz, to make his thoughts quit spiraling as if around a drain, but they wouldn’t. Maybe they couldn’t. He didn’t mean to speak his next words. They just popped out of him beyond his control.

“Maria.”

“You’ve never mentioned an Maria before.”

But as if everything he tried never to think about came to a head like a stubborn pimple, he burst out, “You need to leave.”

Bewildered, Callie looked at him. “What?”

“Leave now. Get out. You can’t be here. Not anymore.”

“Zeke… please. I’m not trying to hurt you. Let’s go back into the living room and talk?—”

“Go. Get out of here. Right now.”

She approached instead. “Zeke, I’m sorry for going into your bedroom. I truly am. I obviously crossed a boundary, and you’re upset. But if you’ll just tell me what’s wrong, I?—”

“I can’t do this with you. Leave,” he raised his voice at her, something he swore he’d never do to another woman. He didn’t want to become his father, to turn into his hateful parents. And despite what had happened with him and Maria, he’d made a point of not yelling at her.

Yet, he couldn’t seem to help himself. He could feel something shifting inside of him, something hot and scalding. Not anger. No. He wasn’t mad as much as he was… He didn’t know what he was. All he knew was that Callie couldn’t witness it.

No one could.

“Go, Callie,” he shouted, hating himself. Forcing himself to quiet his tone, he said it again. So softly it was close to whisper. “Get out of here, please. Please.”

She had tears in her eyes, tears he couldn’t stand. But she couldn’t stay here. Not now. She didn’t protest or produce more reasons to stay. She didn’t try to reach out to him again, either. Finally, finally, she collected her things. Then, she marched resolutely to his front door.

If he thought she might hesitate, might pivot to glance back at him, he was mistaken. Callie hurried through the door instead. And he knew that whatever they’d had over these past months was over. Erased.

Ruined.

And unlike so many other things in his life, there would be no fixing it.

CHAPTER NINE

Callie was upsetby what had happened at Zeke’s house. Her feelings weren’t hurt at how he’d spoken so sharply and ordered her to leave. She was worried about him. She could see in his eyes how she’d stumbled upon something painful, something that had damaged him in some way, and she felt awful. She’d give anything if she’d never walked into his bedroom.

She’d thought they’d gotten to a deeper place of trust than he was ready for. But his secrets had kept her from understanding how far they had to go. She should have been able to read him better and not make assumptions. His protection of his past was something she should have respected. Why did she always push too far and learn lessons too late?

The worst part was that in hindsight, she’d noticed something like this from him prior to that day. She’d caught flickers of it, these fleeting glimpses that had him going quiet and disappearing even though he was physically right there. But Callie wanted to kick herself. Mainly because she’d never pieced two and two together until it was too late.

She’d never imagined that a substantial portion of Zeke’s personality might come from some sort of past trauma.

She shouldn’t have been snooping. She shouldn’t have meandered into his room as if she’d had the right to. Sure, she’d thought they’d progressed a little further than they obviously had in the last few months, but that didn’t excuse her ill-conceived decision-making. Nothing did. She wasn’t a stalker, yet she was acting like one. What in the world had kept her from being logical and thoughtful?

And now she may have caused a rift to form between them that she might not be able to bridge.

After going home that night, she’d sat up most of the night reliving that handful of moments inside his room over and over. His midnight blue eyes had been in turmoil and shock to see her there, and she’d been so stupid. Just picking up those picture frames like she and Zeke were some lifelong friends just catching up.