Page 19 of Winning the Dad

Sawyer stirred, and I loosened my hold. He let out a huge yawn, stretching his body, and turned around. The grin on my face must’ve been dopey. “Hi.”

“Hi yourself. Sleep well?”

“Best sleep ever.” I brushed his cheek with my index finger. “I think we spooned all night.”

His cheeks flushed a lovely red. “I’m a cuddler, sorry.”

“Why would you be sorry? I loved it.”

We stared at each other.

“Jack,” Sawyer said softly. “What are we going to do?”

I didn’t have to ask what he was talking about. I knew. It was the same question that was plaguing me. How was I going to say goodbye to this man? Did I have any chance at a future with him?

“Forgive me the odd segue, but can I ask about your ex? What happened?”

Sawyer let out a deep sigh. “Of course you can ask. Justin was… We met in a gay club when we were twenty, and we hooked up. We kept running into each other, and the sex was great, so he suggested we give actual dating a try. We graduated from college, and I started law school. When he got kicked out of his apartment because the building was sold, he moved in with me. It wasn’t even a conscious decision or a momentous occasion. It just happened. And we stayed together. I’d always wanted kids, so when my lesbian friend offered to be a surrogate for me, I was so excited. In hindsight, the fact that she specified she’d be a surrogate for me and not Justin should’ve been a warning sign.”

“She didn’t like him?”

“No, but after mentioning it a few times when we’d just started dating, she never brought it up again, so I thought she’d come to like Justin.”

“But she hadn’t.”

“No, she was always critical of how he treated me, but I didn’t see it for the longest time. Anyway, Lucas was born, and we became dads. It wasn’t easy, though he was a sweet, low-maintenance kid. I took to parenting immediately, but Justin struggled. I didn’t know it, but that’s when he started cheating.”

Pain radiated from Sawyer. God, I wanted to pay his ex a visit and let him know what I thought of him. “I’m so sorry. When did you find out?”

“When I was diagnosed with gonorrhea…because he’d been having unprotected sex with countless men.”

“Jesus, he could’ve given you HIV.”

He nodded. “He was the only man I’d ever gone bare with, so when the doctor told me, I knew. In hindsight, all the signs were there, but I’d ignored them, wanting to believe he’d never do that to me.”

“How long ago was this?”

“Lucas was fourteen, so ten years. I confronted Justin, and he confessed he’d been cheating on me since Lucas had been two. Twelve years. For twelve years, he’d hooked up with other men. You wanna know the worst part? We’d gotten married only the year before, when gay marriage had become legal in California. He’d stood there, promising to be faithful till death do us part, and he was lying the whole time. I think that hit me the hardest.”

His eyes were misty, and I caressed his cheek. “I’m so sorry. What a despicable thing to do.”

“It was. Anyway, I filed for divorce immediately, and because we’d been married less than a year and I could prove the house we lived in and everything else we had was mine, he was left with nothing. Even his car was in my name, so I kicked him out with two suitcases full of clothes, and that was it. He never forgave me for that.”

Indignation rose inside me. “Never forgave you? What the fuck does he have to forgive? He’s the one who was in the wrong.”

“Yeah, but I had Lucas to consider, so I tried to shield him from the truth and encourage a relationship between himand Justin. Of course Justin used his weekends with Lucas to tell him lies about me, which almost cost me my son. We didn’t speak for a while, but one time, Justin got drunk and accidentally revealed the truth to Lucas. They no longer talk, and Justin blames me for their estrangement.”

“What an absolute asshole. How can he blame you for what he caused?”

Sawyer gave me a sad smile. “Because he’s an egotistical son of a bitch, but I didn’t see it. A prestigious firm hired me right out of law school, and I worked my way up quickly. Justin loved my money and the things we could do with it, but I don’t think he ever loved me. I don’t think he’s even capable of loving anyone except himself, which is truly sad.”

Maybe, but I found it hard to muster any empathy for Sawyer’s ex. “You deserved so much better. You’re worthy of being loved, Sawyer.”

He hung his head. “I know. But ever since, I’ve been scared, you know? What if I get hurt again? What if I’m the kind of guy who attracts the wrong kind of men?”

“I’d never cheat on you.” The words were out of my mouth before I realized it, but they were out in the open, and I didn’t take them back.

Sawyer let out a soft gasp. “What are you saying?”