Page 24 of Scars of the Sun
Río obviously had no qualms with immediate text-backs, because he shot off another response almost as soon as I texted mine.
Río
Thinking about skating after work again. You gonna be there?
Me
I can be
Río
See you at 11
Just like that? Was it that easy? It couldn’t be. What—whatever this thing with Río was or could be, I felt far from having earned it. And yeah, I’d seen him multiple times at the skatepark, but they were always unplanned.
Was this adate?
Something about his last text felt like a goodbye, so I couldn’t think of anything else to write. I sank to the ground beside my basket of sweet potatoes, fiddling with the cuffs of my sweatshirt. The edge of one of my fingers nudged its way beneath the fabric, almost to see if the raised, bumpy skin had disappeared.
Of course, it was still there. It was like a cruel fucking joke that the quick healing I inherited from my mother didn’t extend to these wounds that would sound the alarm of anyone I encountered. They were a bookmark that constantly called back to the lowest I’d ever felt. Well, actually, not the lowest. I shoved my hands back into the soil as whispers of the pure relief I felt the moment I took blade to flesh ran down the back of my neck.
I breathed through the longing that followed, focusing on the simple task in front of me. I thought of my brother and sister-in-law behind me, along with my niece and nephew. Now, they were the thin threads that kept me tethered here. I nodded to myself, drops of sweat falling off my nose and edge of my chin.Yes, seeing Dahlia and Ollie grow up. I wouldn’t have that if I gave into it. Hurting all of them would be the consequence of me making that final decision.
Was it fucked up that when I woke up in my bathtub, in water on its way from deep pink to just red to match the bits that’d landed on the tile, that I hadn’t thought about them at all? All I felt as I weakly climbed into an Uber with towels wrapped around my bleeding arms underneath my jacket was disappointment that I was still here.
Fucking typical that I’d survived the attempt but was unable to erase the physical reminder.
If I hadn’t been weakened by the blood loss, I would’ve never thought going to the hospital to get stitches would be a good idea. Because after they treated the wounds, I’d blinked and found myself being moved to an inpatient facility.
We watched some good movies there, at least.
I reached my hand back in the dirt, searching but finding no more sweet potatoes that were ready to be pulled. What the fuck was I supposed to do for nearly eight hours?
“Hey, do you want me to pick up the kids?” I twisted around to find everyone standing. Josie was pulling on her t-shirt and shorts that she’d had in a crumpled pile on the floor.
Sylvie was leaned into Orion’s front and looked over his shoulder to answer me. “If you want, but you don’t have to. Josie’s actually offered to take Juno to the airport instead. So, Orion and I were just going to go.”
I waved a hand, “Nah, I’m just going to take a quick shower, and then I’ll go. I’ll take them to get ice cream on the way back.”
“Are you sure you’ll be able to handle them both on your own?” Orion asked.
Instead of bristling and getting defensive at his dry question and expression, though, I thought it over as I stretched back to standing. Any time I’d been in charge of them alone, it was eitherat the house or for drives to and from school. “I think so. But if it’s looking like I can’t, I’ll just come straight back here.”
My brother nodded, face still blank, “Okay. Text us or call Sylvie if you need help.” For some reason, my brother’s readily given trust in me to keep his children safe made a sudden flood of tears threaten to fall. I blinked them away as I brought myself and my basket back to the porch.
I stretched it forward, “Sounds good. Think you can make something with these?”
He gave them an appraising glance while Josie and Sylvie exchanged parting words. “I’m sure I can. They look good.”
It was stupid, because I wasn’t the one who planted them, nor was I the one with any magical abilities that aided in the vegetables being large and hearty, but I felt a swell of pride all the same.
“All right, thank you, friend, for your help. Can I get my things out of your car?” Juno looked a bit more relaxed now, the lines of tension on their face seemed a bit smoother. But there was a weird tingly tension between them and Josie, even with her offering to help them out.
“Sure,” Orion started to pull away from Sylvie, giving her a whisper that was too low for me to hear and a lingering squeeze on her ass before following Juno back toward the front of the house.
With just the two of us on the porch together, Sylvie ran a hand through my spoils, humming in approval.
“Do you ever get jealous?” Sylvie’s quirked brow asked me what I was talking about, and I honestly didn’t even know why I’d blurted the question. When I’d dated Matt, it was a shallow, high school relationship, sure, but the sting of finding out he was cheating on me with a girl he claimed as ‘just a friend’ had left me feeling angry and paranoid. Even now, the thought of Ríowith someone else, when we weren’t even anything at this point, made me want to fume.