Page 76 of Beautiful Noise
She threw her head back and laughed. “You a kept man?”
“Yeah, that might actually be a good look.”
“Hmm, I don’t know about that. And if that’s your plan, you surely have a girlfriend tucked away somewhere because there’s no way in hell you’re thinking I can afford to keep you in your current lifestyle.”
She would be right. Songwriters didn’t make shit in comparison to the money I generated from touring. Streaming was decent but most of my money came from ticket sales and partnerships with major companies.
“Why are you so determined to make a liar out of me?”
“How am I making you a liar?”
“You’re a first and only. I plan on keeping things that way but that’s a conversation for another day because I was fucking lucky to get you to agree to giving me a chance.”
She playfully rolled her eyes. “You act like you had to drag me into your life kicking and screaming. I had reservations, as would any intelligent woman well-versed in your past. No relationships, no attachments, not even a leaked puppy love situation from your teen years. I was well within my rights to believe you and commitment were an impossibility.”
“I have no valid argument but for the record your ass was kicking and screaming which was overkill.”
“A woman being dramatic. Hmmm, sounds about normal to me.”
I chuckled and pulled her closer. “You can be as dramatic as you want as long as you do it within close enough proximity that I can use the proper tools to combat the dramatics.”
I thrust my hips upward and she smiled sinfully slowly.
“I might be agreeable to that deal.” Her smile was teasing before her brows pinched. “Does this make sense?”
“This as in us?”
She nodded slowly. “No, but that’s why it works. Things that make sense often come together without rational thoughts and emotions are the most irrational shit to ever exist.”
“Then why are you so sure about us?”
“Because as irrational as my feelings are, they’re very fucking real. I might not be able to explain them, but they exist and I refuse to deny what I feel for the woman who makes me happy.”
“A lot of women have made you happy.”
I grinned and shrugged. They had, no sense in denying the obvious, but…
“Physically, yes, but that’s not what this is…” I paused, sliding my hands down her waist to cup her ass enough to edge her closer. “Even if you physically make me happy.”
When those pretty eyes rolled, my smile expanded before I continued. “But my point is, sex has been a necessary catalyst to my career. It has also been plentiful and relevant to my creative process. I’m not going to play with your intelligence by denying the truth but we’re more than sex, Ri. We’ve been more than sex since day one. I can fuck anybody I want. That has been my life for as long as I can remember. I want more.”
“Why now?”
I considered the many reasons I could cite. There were several but the most relevant was what I decided to share.“Music was the only thing I deemed worthy of committing my heart and time to.”
She frowned slightly. “That’s not answering my question.”
I dropped my head back against the base of the sofa. “I was young as hell when I signed my first deal. People think this life is easy, full of perks, and it can be. What no one glorifies is this life is also hard as fuck to navigate while keeping your head level. You can easily get lost in the mix of people fighting for the same thing you want.Success. Back then, women weren’t a priority, they couldn’t be. I had goals and didn’t need distractions that weren’t temporary. The label was on my ass about their expectations. Eventually things shifted enough for them to invest time and money in my career because I was making them money. But when that happened, they wanted something in return, so I still didn’t have the luxury of distractions.”
“They wanted more music.”
I nodded. “Which was the issue. I hadn’t really lived; so I didn’t have shit to write about. No true life experience. My dad would always tell me to write what was in my heart, what I felt. What I felt at eighteen didn’t fit what the label was trying to sell. I was so damn close to letting this shit go because I didn’t have a clue how to deliver what they were expecting.”
“But you didn’t quit…”
“Nah, I didn’t. One night I was at the studio waiting my turn to lay some vocals. Clay was working on something with another artist who was into some wild shit. I experienced things I probably shouldn’t have that night.” I grinned, shaking my head. “I wrote ‘Passion’ a few hours after thatexperience, played it for the label the next day, and they were hype as hell.”
“You had sex with some scheming ass industry hoe?”