Page 15 of Christmas Kiss
“So, you weren’t thinking of me when you imagined that little scenario?”
I was most definitely picturing Charlie next to me in a pair of jeans and a nice button-up rolled at the sleeves. All that ink and his strong forearms reaching out for me. Saying that out loud would be ridiculous. I can’t fall for him. He’s my boss, he’s so much older, and I don’t really know him. I’m super horny, exhausted, and stressed. I’m clearly making bad decisions, and I have a baby to think about. I can’t get distracted by a messy love right now.
“Look, this has been fun. And last night… was insane. Like, I’ll flip into that fantasy for the rest of my life, but I have a baby on the way, and I’ve never done this before. I need to focus on that.”
My self-help book would be proud, but saying the words out loud leaves me gutted.
This time, his hand stays on my thigh, and he squeezes gently. “You have to do what’s best for you. I’m here if you change your mind.” His tone is somber, and though I get thefeeling he wants to read me the list of reasons I should give him a chance, he respects my decision and flicks the blinker to the left toward my cabin.
I almost wish he’d fight me. It would make this decision so much easier. Instead, he’s kind, gentle, and patient.
Patient as hell. He’s more patient with me than anyone has ever been.
The self-help book doesn’t explain this emotion. The one where you’re getting in your own way. The one where you don’t believe you’re good enough. The one where the feelings you’re having are real, but you’re too scared to admit them.
Chapter Eight
Charlie
“Shut the fuck up.” I don’t bother looking at Gabe as I talk because that would be ridiculous. He doesn’t understand shit like this. Hell,Idon’t understand shit like this.
“It went that bad?” He laughs and flicks on the lights in the reindeer barn. “I told you she was too young. Girls that age don’t know what they want.”
I glare at him and away again, shoveling oats into the wheelbarrow. “You didn’t say that shit, and didn’t I say shut the fuck up?”
He laughs and grabs the flathead shovel from the driveway. “Come on. It was two days. You can get over it. We’ve got too much shit going on right now to think about women disappointing us.”
“What woman did you let disappoint you?” I groan, digging into the feed. I can’t imagine Gabe getting close enough to any woman to let her disappoint him, but I guess I thought the same about myself until recently.
“Mira. Her date stood her up at the wedding yesterday and I saw her last night at the bar.”
I want to pass an ass ton of judgment, but I hold back. “You two get together?”
“Fuck no.” He grins as he says, “I know better than to fuck with employees. Besides that, she’s my buddy’s baby sister. I’m not goin’ there, but we did talk for a while.”
“That’s how it starts, man. One conversation and it’s over.”
“She’s too young. You learned that last night. I mean seriously, Mira’s twenty-one. I can’t fuck around like that.”
I shovel in the last of the oats and head down the row of stalls, shoveling feed into all the bins. We keep reindeer here all year, but this time of year is when they make their money. Everyone wants to see Santa’s flying team.
“I don’t know what it is, but I don’t—”
The barn door slides open, and I glance back to see Mariah standing in the sunlight. Her hair is down, blowing back in the cold winter breeze, and the cute red dress she wears is covered by a long, white down jacket. “There’s a lady up front who wants to talk to a manager. I tried calling back but no one’s picking up.”
Nick is supposed to be working the front today. I wonder where the fuck he is.
Gabe glances toward me with narrowed brows as though we’re working through who’s going to handle this. Falling for Mariah and having her push me away is harder than I thought it would be. I can’t work next to her now. The thought of her smiling and knowing I’m not the cause of it would kill me.
“I’ll help you.” Gabe leans his shovel against the back wall of the barn and pulls off his gloves before heading out.
“Thanks. This lady is irate.”
“She tell you what’s wrong?”
Mariah shakes her head. “Nope. Mira is up front with her until a manager comes.”
I nod and swallow hard. Gabe is handling the customer, and this is the perfect opportunity to apologize to Mariah for messing things up. This is a small town. We’ll run into each other again even if we’re not working together after the holidays.Besides that, Mariah comes back every year. I don’t want her to feel like she can’t because of me.