Page 7 of Christmas Kiss
“Of course. The other day stocking shelves at the general store, I looked up and completely forgot where the crackers went even though I was looking directly at them. I don’t know why it happens, but it happens all the time for me. I think I’d forget my birthday if it weren’t written on my license.”
“When is your birthday?”
“June sixth. Why?” After I’ve said it, I wonder if it was a trap to see if pregnancy brain is real.
“Well, I figure I need to know everything I can about you before the wedding.”
Turns out, this isn’t a test.Thank God for small miracles.
“I don’t think you’ll be doing much talking. If you can keep the woman in white away from me, that’ll do.”
“It’s that bad?”
“Kind of. My mom is the most judgmental person on the planet. I figured the wedding would be weird because she always has something to say about my body, or my hair, or something new I’m wearing, but now that she’s got this whole unwed pregnancy thing to glom onto, it’s going to be a circus of shit.”
Charlie laughs. “A circus of shit, huh? That’s a new one.”
“Well, get ready. My mom holds nothing back and I’m pretty sure she still blames me for the breakup with my ex. She loved him.”
“What happened with you guys?”
“He started out nice, and when we were around family, he’d ham it up, ya know? But when we were alone, and I wanted to talk about my feelings or whatever, he’d lose it. I mean, cursing, name calling… but I left when he punched a hole in the drywall. I wasn’t going to wait for my turn, so I broke up with him. I found out about the baby like three weeks later.”
“Did you tell him about the pregnancy?”
“No! God, no.”
I expect some judgment, because I’m still not sure if I’m doing the right thing, but Charlie nods.
“That’s smart. Sounds like he’d be a terrible father.” There’s something so comforting about a person who doesn’t ask a lot of questions, but validates your decision, like they trust you to be smart and understanding of what you need in your life.
“Anyway, thanks for listening. I haven’t told many people about the pregnancy yet. There was a time I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with the baby.”
Charlie nods again. “Why were you questioning it?”
“Fear. I want to be a good mother, but I don’t know how.” I feather my fingers back through my hair.
“I think wanting to be a good parent is the first step.” He leans in slightly. “If it’s any consolation, judging off what I know of you, I’d have loved having you as a mom.”
“Okay,” I say, glancing side to side. “Thanks.” I’m not sure how to take what he’s said given the fact that he’s my boss and most likely here out of pity, but his words are nice. They’re much nicer than anything anyone has said to me in a long damn time.
“Well,” he slides his hand down over his beard, breaking the thick air in the room between us before standing, “I shouldget to work. You stay here and eat. Call me if you need anything. I’m starting with the windows.”
My head reels with possibilities of what just happened. A second ago he was saying this super nice thing, and now he’s running off like he can’t stand the looks of me. Maybe everything I said just sunk in.
My cheeks heat uncontrollably. This is embarrassing.Looking back on that conversation, I’ve just presented myself as a massive loser who can’t find a decent partner, use contraception correctly, or feed herself. Oh, and I’ve confirmed that even my mother thinks I’m a mess.
What the hell is wrong with me?I’m reading self-help books. I’m learning about not leading with emotion. All I have to do is apply the knowledge. Yet here I am, my thighs aching, my mind reeling, desperate to run after my boss and ask him if I did anything wrong and if I can make it up to him.
Fingers crossed he likes his bad girls on their knees.
Chapter Four
Charlie
I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here, but listening to that shit about Mariah’s ex has my mind racing. How do I act like a civilized man when all I want to do is knock out her ex, and why do we give a fuck about what her mother thinks about any of it?She’sclearly got poor fucking judgment.
I lean against the window and pop a bit of caulk in all four corners before smoothing the beads down with my finger. The windows need to be replaced, but this will have to do until I can get some ordered. I’m not sure when this became my responsibility, but I can’t see any way around it now. I need to take care of Mariah, at least until Chevy comes back. I’ve just gotta figure out a way to keep my hands off her while I do it.