Page 58 of What He Wants

I was sure that I’d notice if someone was following me around and watching me all the time. “So, if I’m with them then I’m protected too?” He nodded. I smiled. “See? That won’t cost you anything, either.”

God, why had it hurt so much when he’d hesitated from saying that he would claim me? I didn’t want to be claimed, did I? And now I was making the situation worse by being a bitch, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. I wanted him to see how it felt to be rejected, because that’s how I’d felt. It felt like I was good enough to fuck, but not have as a girlfriend.

“Thank fuck for that,” he snarled, turning away.

Ouch.

Rock and BK got to their feet and came to the kitchen with their cups. “We’ll be leaving. Make sure you don’t wander away from the group when you’re in Skowhegan. The prospects are there to protect the old ladies.”

“Yes, I get it, and I’m not one.” Big John snorted, but said nothing.

“In the meantime, we’ll try to find out what’s going on,” Rock continued. “If anything happens, or you think of anything else that we should know, get in touch right away. Be smart about this, sweetheart.”

I gave him a nod, knowing that he was right. I didn’t even want to think that Paul could be in the area, considering what he was capable of and the threats he’d yelled over the phone. I knew they weren’t idle threats. And if it had been him who’d shot at us? Then he’d acquired a gun sometime after I’d run away, because he hadn’t had one before that.

“And King’s will be out in the morning to install your security system.”

“Thank you.”

When they were gone and the door was closed, Big John and I made eye contact. The air between us felt awkward. “I’m not leaving you alone,” he said roughly.

“Jasmine will be here in less than half an hour,” I explained, crossing my arms. “I’m sure I’ll be okay−”

“Then I’ll stay until she shows up,” he insisted in a firm, no-nonsense tone. The look in his eyes said that I shouldn’t fight him on it. “And just for the record--” I waited, all but holding my breath, “I’ve already claimed you in my mind. But claiming you before the club, making it public, scares the fuck out of me.”

I wasn’t expecting this. Big John--afraid? I couldn’t fathom it. He was the scariest, toughest man I knew, all growly and bad ass. Other men in his MC were bigger, like Hawk, that man was a freaking giant, Rock, too, but what made Big John so menacing was the look in his dark eyes. They were bottomless pits filled with darkness and loss. There was a wealth of anguish there, too, the kind that revealed that he had convinced himself that he was a bad man. An undeserving man.

As we stared at each other, I felt myself wavering. The truth was, I really did like Big John, a lot, and I wanted something more with him.

“Why does it scare you so much?”

“Because once a brother claims a woman it changes everything, and when I claim you, there’s no going back.” His expression was fierce. “Ever.”

Big John’s words chilled me and thrilled me at the same time, and that was crazy. I knew what he was saying. Part of me even understood and agreed with it, but it was what he wasn’t saying that frightened me more. I was suddenly glad that I’d be spending the afternoon with the wives of the club, because I had a lot of questions for them. I needed to know exactly what it meant to be an old lady.

And how much of my soul I’d have to give up to make it work.

Chapter 24

Big John

“I put in a call to Covacks, we don’t have to worry about Whistler,” Hawk announced once everyone was inside and sitting down.

Jumper tossed me a scowl and I raised my hand, already knowing what he was thinking. I couldn’t blame him. Hell, I’d be pissed too if someone questioned me. “Not that I don’t trust what you say you saw at Last Hope, brother, but we have to be sure. For all we know, Covacks’ men just tapped him on the head and told him to get gone.”

“What about the rest of the Trouble Makers? Three of them showed up unexpectedly at Last Hope. You suppose we’re gonna have to worry about them now that their president is dead?” Clay wanted to know.

I shook my head. “The club’s been out for years, fuck, half the members moved on or can’t be found. If their VP and enforcer are out of prison, then I’d say it’s a good possibility.” I glanced at Fox. “Are Taco and Mooch still inside?”

He nodded. “Taco killed a guard a couple of years ago, so he won’t be out, ever. Mooch is messed up in the head, bad. Got jumped early on by a gang and they beat him near to death.”

I nodded, taking it in. “So that eliminates them as threats.”

“Sounds to me like their club is worse off now than it was when their prez was still alive and in prison,” Jumper pointed out.

“I agree,” Hawk nodded. “Unless someone steps up and decides to take over. Ned and Painter, I want you brothers to watch over them to see what their next move is.” The two acknowledged Hawk with chin lifts. He returned his gaze to me. “Anyone else we need to worry about from Trouble Makers?”

“The only other officer was Tiger, their road captain, but without the others to back him up he won’t be a threat. Besides, last time I saw him he was deep into drugs.”