Page 44 of All Your Pain
It feels wrong to want to change the subject after he let himself be vulnerable with me but I can’t risk falling too deep.
“I still need to cut the thread,” I say quietly, my mouth suddenly dry.
Passing the small pair of scissors back to me he playfully asks, “promise you won’t stab me in the neck?”
“No promises,” I find myself smiling back. I take them from him, being careful to not touch his fingers, the last thing I need is a sudden spark between us being the catalyst that sends me into his arms.
I’m about to stick a bandage over the area when he gets up and says, “no, wait, I want to see.” He looks over his shoulder at the mirror to study the stitches and a bright smile bursts out on his face. “You did such a good job! Guess I won’t need to pay shit loads of money to the doctor anytime I need patching up from now on.”
“This isn’t going to be a regular thing! I only did it so you didn’t bleed out on me. Now sit down so I can put the bandage on,” I say crossing my arms.
He obediently sits back down in front of me and that makes me feel kind of proud that he actually listened to me.
With the bandage on my hand I slap it down on him only a little bit too hard. I’m not an asshole like some people. My pouty smile fades when he doesn’t react.
When he turns, he looks up at me and my heart lodges itself in my throat. He looks…sweet. For once he's not towering over me and his expression is soft. He looks at me with so much reverence that I have to look away first.
“Thank you, Willow.”
Dean takes hold of both my hands and brings them to his face where he places gentle kisses on my wrists and palms. His warm breath and soft touches are wearing down my last few defenses. If they break entirely I’ll have nothing to protect me from the other half of him though. The part that wants to hurt me and push me to the limits of my pain.
16
DEAN
“Something wrong?” I ask Willow as I lean against the bedroom door frame.
After we had breakfast together downstairs, she wanted to come up here to lie down and I had some work to do so I left her to it but I’ve not been able to think straight with her away from me.
“Huh?” her head snaps to mine where she’s been staring out the window from her position on the bed. “Oh no. I’m fine.” She shakes her head and gives me a small smile but I know she’s lying. I just don’t understand why. I thought things were good between us.
“You don’t have to stay in here all day, you know?”
“Yeah, I know it’s just…” she trails off and I can see her shutting me out but I can’t have that after we’ve made so much progress. I step into the room and sit next to her on the bed, taking her hands, I run my fingers along her palms and she lets out a shaky exhale as she looks up at me.
“Talk to me, baby. I want to know everything you're feeling.”
She bites on her lip and I think she’s about to shut that door tight on me but she doesn’t. “I’m not used to having this much freedom,” she says quietly and I don’t know what to say.
Is she joking?
Her cheeks start to turn that lovely shade of peach they do when she’s nervous and she quickly adds. “I know, I’m not. I’m here and I’m yours and—
I cut her off by putting my fingers over her lips. “Slow down, baby. Whatever you want to say, I promise I won’t get mad. Got it?” She nods and I move my fingers away, reluctantly, because god I love the feel of her lips. So soft, they make me want to kiss her and sink my cock into them at the same time. Not the time for that now though. I need Willow to trust me and distracting her with sex isn’t the best move right now.
“Like I told you before, I never had any freedom. I was so used to being kept in my room all the time and I think I’mstill used to that. It’s messed up how scared I am to be able to just walk around freely and to even have someone want me around them. You say you care about me and I’m scared to trust that feeling. Scared to trust you.”
Her father has clearly worked his way into her brain after all those years being stuck with him. He locked her away, then when she got herself out, I took her before she had a chance at real freedom.
What Willow has with me isn’t what she deserves but I’m too damn selfish to let her go so I’ll do everything in my power to give her what she needs here with me.
“I understand having people not want you around them. I spent a lot of my childhood surrounded by people but I was still completely alone.” She looks at me with sadness in her big eyes and it breaks my heart that she’s got enough empathy in her to feel sorry for me when she’s already hurting.
“Willow, I just want you to be happy. You don’t need to hide in here, I want you with me every second of the day but I’m worried that’s too much for you. If there’s anything you need, I’ll get it for you. If you’re bored, I’ll buy you a new hobby. You can have all the freedom you want but it has to be with me.”
Her eyes go red with tears and she twitches her nose before wiping her face with the back of her hand. Then with a small laugh she says, “there’s no way you want to spend every second with me, Dean.”
“Baby, if I could chain you to me I would. I mean I can totally do that, it's not like you have much choice,” I tease her hoping the dark humor’s not too much for her but she just laughs and shoves my shoulder.