Page 91 of All Your Pain
“Not yet. I actually have something to tell you. I was going to tell you when you got home but obviously you were kinda busy and—,”
“Willow, baby, spit it out,” I laugh to hide the nerves from not knowing what she seems so desperate to say.
“I think—no, Iknow—I’m pregnant,” she says with a nervous smile on her face.
My heart stops and I don’t hear what else she says over the ringing in my ears.
Pregnant?
Shit. I didn’t think this through.
I sit up and run my hands through my damp hair. Of course it was bound to happen. We didn't use protection but I didn’t plan on keeping her at first and then I just never considered it. Or maybe I did? Did a part of me want this all along? To bind her to me permanently with my baby?
No. I’ve never even thought about having a family before. Never wanted one. The thought of Willow getting pregnant just never entered my head.
“You can’t be. We can’t have a baby, Willow.”
Her face falls and her complexion pales. “But…I thought you wanted this? A life with me? You’re the one that never used protection, I thought this was what you wanted.”
“Yes. A life withyou.I want you, Willow, not a baby! This will change everything.”
“You’ll still have me. You’ll always have me, Dean.” She puts her hand over mine and guides it to her stomach. “We’ll just have to be careful of what you do to me when we’re having sex. Just make sure it’s not too rough. Nothing’s really going to change. I mean we just had some pretty mind blowing sex and—”
I snatch my hand back and she flinches away from me. Fuck, how is this all going so wrong?
“No. That’s not how this works. Everything will change! You’re mine. I own you. All of you. You’re not keeping it.”
Willow stands up and backs away from me with her hands pressed to her stomach. I stare at my name etched into her, already branding her as mine and settling the feeling in my stomach of what I need to do.
“You don’t get to choose that! Dean, I love you. I want this baby with you.Please.”Her voice breaks on the last word.
I don’t say anything as I stalk towards her. She backs up until she’s pressed against the wall.
“I’m sorry.” Grabbing her wrists I drag her back to the bed, she digs her heels into the carpet as she fights me the whole way but I pin her down easily.
I reach under the bed for her old restraints I keep stored there just as a precaution, then I secure one to her wrist and loop it around the bed frame before securing the other wrist.
“Dean, stop! Let me go! We just need to talk about this! Please,” she sobs but I don’t listen to her. I can't. Like Bones said she’s already changed me. I can't have her changing me anymore and making me see her side of this. I’d do anything for her but I can’t bring myself to do this. It’s my own fault and now she’s the one that’s going to suffer for it.
I’ll get Luka to come and sort the problem out. After that I’ll make sure she’s on birth control and this will never happen again.
“Dean, please don’t hurt the baby. Please!”
I grab some clean clothes off the floor and take them to the door so I don’t have to hear her crying any longer than I have to. Each sob breaks my fucking heart.
“I’m sorry, Willow. This is my fault but I’m going to fix it and I swear I’ll do everything I can to make this as easy as possible for you. I’ll be back soon.”
She’s going to hate me for this but seeing her strength as she let me kill the man that abused her for eighteen years proves to me that she’ll come back from this.
She has to.
36
WILLOW
My throat aches from screaming for so long and my eyes sting from the tears that are still streaming down my cheeks.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. Dean loves me. Why wouldn’t he want to have a family? Surely his obsession can’t be so strong that he can’t bear the thought of my love being split between him and a baby?