Page 10 of Broken Pieces

It's beyond fucked.

Everything we had with Violet has fallen apart because we love her too damn much.

I’m losing my mind staring at my ceiling. Yet I can’t bring myself to move.

My shirt smells like her. Like Violet.

Right now, it’s all I have of her and I don’t want to lose that connection.

She should be in here with me. Curled up in bed with Mad and I, as we watch some crappy movie that we let her pick.

If we just took her offer, that’s exactly where she’d be. Not locked away in her own room, doing God knows what.

She could be texting some guy, for all we know. She has every right to do that. Violet’s her own person, as much as we’d like her to be ours we can’t force her.

All she wants is to be friends,siblings.If she knew even a fraction of what we want from her, she’d hate us.

We nearly screwed things up on her birthday.

After that, Mad and I decided we couldn’t be alone with her anymore, we can barely trust ourselves when we’re both with her. If one of us had her alone in her bedroom, who knows what we’d do.

The urge to possess her, to make her ours, is becoming overpowering.

We’d never hurt her.

Never make her do anything she didn’t want to do.

So why the fuck Mad thought it was a good idea to walk around half naked and use her damn shower, I have no idea.

Fuck. The way she looked so devastated when we told her we wouldn’t spend her actual birthday with her broke my heart.

I’m starting to think her hate would be better than her absence.

Having enough of the empty spaces in my bed, I sit up and head to my closet. I’ve still not packed for college and moving day is looming over my head.

Up until now, it felt like if I left everything exactly where it’s supposed to be then things wouldn’t have to change. That I wouldn’t be about to take the biggest step in my life by myself.

I’ve never spent a day away from Mad, so how I’m supposed to live in a completely different city for months without him, I haven't got a clue.

I grab the empty luggage that's been left untouched next to the closet door for weeks and toss it onto my bed. Without even looking at what I’m picking up, I grab some clean clothes from my dresser and pile them in, not caring for any order.

I used to like order, I craved it.

My hand grazes something soft on the top shelf in my closet and I pull out the small bear that I’ve not seen for what must be two years now.

My heart swells at its stupidly cute yellow face and from the memory it brings back. Violet sat in the bleachers, pressed up close to Mad, their hair shining in the sunlight like a beacon for me to find them.

When she spotted me, she sprung up, waving at me. No one had ever done that before. The game hadn’t even started yet, there was no reason to cheer. I hadn’t succeeded in anything other than showing up.

She was smiling and cheering for me.

Not the bat. Not the game.

Me.

Afterwards, she ran up to me, wrapping her arms tight around my waist and I had to stop myself from kissing her in front of the whole team.

She gave me the bear as a gift and I would have cherished it, if Mad hadn’t gotten jealous and hid it.