Page 111 of All Your Hate
“You are, but no I’m not going to say that. You think I wear it because I don’t like what’s underneath? I’m fucking stunning and so are you. But if it makes you feel good wearing it then wear it.”
Taking a deep breath she closes her eyes and says, “The last time I wore any was the night I was taken and I can’t…I can’t look in the mirror.”
“Why not?” I ask, not quite understanding why that’s got her so upset.
“I’ve not looked at my reflection in months. I don’t want to see who I’ve become. Who they’ve turned me into.”
Understanding washes over me as I recall the times she’s avoided her own gaze in the gym or in the bathroom. She’s kept this from me all this time?
I’m pissed off about it, but I can’t blame her for not telling me. I was an asshole to her at the start of our relationship and even now I’m hardly someone to confide in. That changes starting now.
Kneeling next to her, I pick up an eyeliner pencil and turn her face towards mine. “They haven’t turned you into anything. You’ve become exactly who you were supposed to be. That stunning ethereal creature I saved has grown into a fucking goddess, full of wrath and so much fucking love. Do not give them any credit for who you have become.”
Her brows knit together and her eyes go distant as she gets lost in her thoughts. I’m ready to push my fingers or cock into her mouth, whatever she needs to bring her back, but she does itall by herself. “You’re right. It wasn’t just me though. I couldn’t have done any of this without you. Not just the saving me part. Noah, you’ve changed me. At first, I was scared of who I was becoming. Some bloodthirsty being so intent on killing to heal, but I know it’s the right thing now.”
Noah.
My hand almost slips, but I manage to keep it steady. I love it when she calls me that. It’s like some secret shared only between the two of us. Plenty of people know me by name, but there’s only a handful that know both.
“How did you get into makeup anyway?” Wynter asks as I pick out an eyeshadow palette.
“My sister,” I try to hide the gravel in my voice, but it’s so hard to talk about her without the guilt tearing me to shreds. “She had me wrapped around her little finger, I did anything she asked, including playing dress up. Dad was furious when he caught me wearing glittery eyeshadow one day.”
“I’m guessing that didn’t stop you?”
“Of course not.” I grin. “I stole one of his credit cards and bought actual makeup, not the little kid crap we’d been using.”
“He was okay with you doing that?”
“I don’t think he noticed. He’s always been the kind of man that puts work before anything else. If he saw where the money went he probably just thought it was Mom who bought it. I stopped wearing it for a while after they died. Then one day I woke up with this need to put it on. It felt like I'd found a lost part of myself. I never stopped after that.”
“You miss them.” She strokes my cheek with the backs of her fingers.
“Every day. But it also feels like they never left. I still feel them all over this place.”
“Why stay here? You’ve got enough money, you could live wherever you wanted to.”
I contemplate her question as I pick out the right shade of lipstick for her complexion. “Perhaps I’m just a glutton for punishment? Dad moved into an apartment in the city so he could be right on top of work, but I didn’t want to let this place go so he let me stay.”
“How did your family die?” She looks nervous as she asks me the question I’m sure has been on her mind a lot.
Pain fills my chest and it’s hard to not let it turn into anger. She’s only asking a question. She has every right to know the answer. I’ve taken over her entire life, it’s only fair I tell her about mine. But I can’t.
“We don’t have time for that story tonight. There, all done. You’re going to look at yourself, Wynter. Whatever you think you'll see I promise you it’s not there.”
“But—”
“Look in the mirror,” I say firmly. Grabbing her chin, I turn her face so we’re cheek to cheek. She squeezes her eyes shut, refusing to look at herself. “Wynter. Don’t make me tell you twice.”
Her eyes flash open and meet mine in the mirror. “I—” she loses her words as she catches her own reflection.
“Everyone will be looking at you tonight because you're the most beautiful creature in existence.”
“That’s me?” Her voice is quiet and timid. I stroke my hand up her leg, to trace my fingers over my name. It’s going to heal into a beautiful scar. She shivers and lets out a sigh.
“You see how beautiful you are?”
To my surprise, she nods.