Page 69 of We'll Meet Again

“Fine, I’ll take the pressure off,” she snapped, and started for the door.

He caught her by the wrist. “Oh, no you don’t. We are gonna talk this out.”

“Don’t speak to me like I’m a child.”

“Don’t treat me like a stranger.”

Her frown deepened and she wrenched her hand free, but did not try to leave again. She didn’t speak, either. Stubbornly, she folded her arms over her chest and raised an expectant eyebrow. She watched him school his face to disguise his anger.

“Fine, I’ll start,” he said. “I don’t put on any airs about who I am. I’m not perfect. And I’ve never asked you to be. All I ask is that you open your heart enough to let me in.”

“I have let you in!”

“Not completely, you haven’t!”

“Don’t presume to tell me what I’m feeling, you -”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me you wanted to go to law school?”

“What?” she cried. He couldn’t have shocked her more if he’d slapped her. “Where is this coming from?”

“You did an awful lot of talking last night, darlin’, I learned some things.”

Her mouth fell open. He had never used that endearment with so much venom before. “Are you seriously pissed at me because I -”

“Yeah, I am!” he shouted. “Suddenly, I feel like I don't even know you! I had to find out this huge thing - your life’s ambition for God’s sake - while you’re drunk as all get out!”

“Why does it matter so much?”

“Because it makes me feel like you don’t trust me!” He paused for a beat to take a breath and run a hand through his hair. When he spoke again, his anger was gone. “Jesus, Billie, I’m giving this everything. Am I enough for you?”

She blinked, softening at the sudden uncertainty in his tone. Her arms fell back to her sides. “How do you mean?”

“I mean, that I’ve always tried to be good enough for the people in my life,” he said. “It didn’t work for my ex, I couldn’t be the high society man for her.”

Billie seethed all over again at the memory of the things he’d told her about Sarah. From the speech and grammar classes he had taken to try and correct his accent to the way he hid his family history from her social circle. No matter how high he jumped, she kept jerking the bar out of his reach. Ethan didn’t talk about her much since he assured Billie he had healed from it in therapy, but clearly, it still had some effect on him.

“I try to be the best player on the pitch, but I still let down my teammates yesterday,” he went on. “Hell, I tried to be a great son, but it wasn’t enough for my mother to ever get clean and stay clean.” He held her gaze heavily. “So, I’m asking you now. Is there something about me you don’t feel totally confident in? Am I enough for you?”

Her eyes welled up and her throat got tight. She hated herself for making him feel that way, for letting him doubt himself for even a moment. He was more than enough, he was everything. “Of course you are.”

“Then what’s -”

She threw herself at him, holding him around his waist. He braced himself and wrapped his arms slowly around her shoulders. She pressed her lips into his chest.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

He rested his cheek on top of her head. They stood there in silence for several long moments, breathing deeply and letting their hearts get back in sync. She did need to let him in, at least a little bit. She knew that. If she let these feelings fester, it would ruin them. Finally, she looked up and met his gaze.

“I ran into Greg at the match,” she said. “He started in on me, talking about how he’d seen our article in the paper, and how I was only going to break your heart like I did to him. I let it get to me, and I’m sorry, Ethan.”

“I forgive you,” he said softly, and kissed her forehead. “But why did that affect you so much? He’s just a sour ex-boyfriend.”

She had to chew on that for a moment to find the right words. But how did she explain that? Her irrational fear of falling in love in case she lost it. It didn’t make sense to anyone, not even her closest friend or her family.

“I…I think because maybe I’m afraid it’s true,” she said. “I’ve had the thought myself, and it scares me.”

“The dream?” he asked, tucking her hair behind her ear.