Page 51 of Grump and Grumpier
“Charles knows about us,” I say, cutting him off.
Both men frown. “What?”
“He knows I was with you last night. Did you tell him?”
They looked skeptical after my first statement, but now they both shake their heads. “Of course not,” Jansen says.
“Were you talking about it where he could have overheard?”
Without a moment’s hesitation, Jansen blurts out, “No,” making me wonder whether he’s sure, or if he’s just telling me what I want to hear.
“He says he won’t say anything, but I'm sick about it.”
Jansen’s watch rings with an incoming call, and when he looks at the screen, his frown deepens. “I need to take this. Charles won’t say anything, Ana. It’s nothing to worry about.”
As Jansen exits, Gloria appears at the door with adelivery for Derek, and I decide to leave. They’re both obviously distracted, and not nearly as concerned about this as I am. It’s easy for Jansen to assume Charles won’t say anything, but if that’s the case, why did Charles say something to me? And how does he know?
I can’t say I haven’t been reckless with our encounters here at the office, and if Charles said he knew about that, I’d feel just as much to blame as Derek and Jansen, but how does Charles know I was with the men at night?
And what if Charles does decide to spread this news? My credibility will be ruined, and the efforts I’ve made at improving morale in the office will have been for nothing, because finding out the HR manager is sleeping with the bosses would surely make a lot of the staff mad.
People assume the worst when there’s an office affair, and they’d think I’m getting special favors from the bosses. I feel horrible knowing that’s the truth. Jackie sees my salary when she does payroll, and she probably already wonders why I’m being paid so much. Knowing I’m having sex with the bosses would make it all clear to her, and I doubt she’d have a shred of respect left for me.
My mind is racing like a hamster on a wheel, and my stomach is churning in a similar way. No matter how Charles became aware of what’s going on, I haveno one to blame but myself. I made the decision to open my blouse during my interview, and then I agreed to work here. And now, at best, I have to carry on with a sense of doom hanging over my head.
More likely, I’m going to have to face the consequences of my actions.
The only glimmer of hope is the fact that Charles doesn’t seem like the gossipy type. He eats alone, and I rarely see him socializing with anyone. Maybe hewillkeep it to himself.
I’m playing with fire, and I should stop getting together with Derek and Jansen, no matter how hard that will be.
Is it too late to make a New Year’s resolution to stop banging my bosses?
I keep my head down and work hard the rest of the day both as a means of distraction, and to try to prove to myself that I’m worthy of what I’m being paid, though I don’t quite believe it.
When it’s finally time to leave, Owen is waiting for the elevator with a bicycle by his side.
“I didn’t realize you ride your bike to work,” I say.
“I don’t typically, but thought I’d give it a try,” he says with a shrug. “Do you have a bike?”
“I do, but I’m afraid it’s gathering dust in a storage unit.”
The corner of his eyes crinkle as the elevator announces its arrival. “We should ride sometime. I like to take the coastal path on weekends.” He angles the bike into the small space after I enter, and when he steps in, he and I end up closer together than we’d typically stand.
What would things be like in some alternate universe where I conducted myself like a rational person during my interview at Community Bean, got hired on my professional merits, and perhaps dated a peer, rather than engaging in a shamefully secret power-imbalanced relationship with my bosses? What would my life be like if I was interested in nice guys instead of unreasonable grumps?
“Oh, I’m really out of practice,” I tell Owen. “I’d probably hold you back.”
“You wouldn’t,” he says, that easy grin of his almost, but not quite, becoming infectious.
I need to put an end to my forbidden fling and get my head on straight.
CHAPTER 40
ANA
Derek and Jansen are away for a week overseeing a new coffee shop that’s opening a couple of hours away, and I’m glad, because it means I don’t have to try to resist them.