Page 118 of First Surrender
Chapter Fifty-Three
Jackson
Ijust laid my heart out to the woman I’m in love with, telling her my intentions to marry her, but I’m more terrified for the conversation that lies ahead. I want Dec to accept me again. I need him to.
“Did you really wait to name her so I could?” Dec asks from the living room. He’s sitting on the couch with ‘girl’ between his knees. It’s the only temporary name I could think of to call her these last two months.
“Yeah. I wanted you to know she was your dog as much as she’s mine.” I sit down hesitantly next to him. “That means you’ll have to work with her. Let her outside, play with her, and make sure she’s always taken care of.”
“I can do that,” he states confidently.
“I took her to some training and she’s going to help me out at work, but she’s our dog. She’s a part of our family.”
Dec looks at me thoughtfully but doesn’t say anything. He’s usually so affectionate, I miss the kid who would attack me when I walked through the front door. It’s been a long two months without it but I don’t know if we’ll ever go back to how we were before.
“I’m sorry about your dad, Dec. I wanted to be the one to tell you what happened that day. I never wanted to hurt him. I promise that it was never something I wanted to happen.”
“Natalie told me. She said that if you wouldn’t have shot him then he would have killed you guys.”
“It wasn’t a good situation. You were the first thing I thought about. I didn’t want to break your heart, buddy. I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t want him to die,” he utters so softly that I can hardly hear him. “But I know he was bad. I would have chosen my sister, too.”
“What do you mean?”
“If I had to pick who to got to stay alive. I would pick my sister. She always loved me more than my dad did.”
It’s so complex for an eight-year-old to consider that it stuns me silent. He’s had to see too much in his life; I only want to give him a better one moving forward.
“Are you going to feel okay staying here? I don’t expect you to forgive me for what I did, but do you think it would be okay if I stuck around?”
He ponders my question, silently petting the dog on the head. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. His trust and acceptance mean everything to me; it’s a big ask after what I did. No matter how justified the shooting was.
“I’m scared, Jackson,” he whispers and it cracks my chest in two.
“Scared of what, buddy? Me?”
“No. I don’t know.” He buries his head in his hands and I notice his shoulders trembling slightly. “I’ve been keeping a secret and I don’t want you to be mad at me.”
“Anything you tell me is safe, Dec. You’re always safe with me.”
“I lied to Natalie.”
“About what?”
“She asked me once if I saw Mommy taking drugs and I told her no. She asked if I ever saw my dad with any pills and I told her no.”
“But?”
“I watched my dad give Mommy blue pills that morning before school. He left and I didn’t want her to take any more, so I took them.”
My heart is thundering again, making it hard to hear his words. “What did you do with the pills, Dec?”
“I don’t want to get in trouble, Jackson. Natalie didn’t know, I don’t want her to get in trouble either.” He starts to cry, his little body shaking uncontrollably.
“I am on your side, Dec. I’m always on your side. You are not in trouble, I promise. I just need to know what happened.” I wrap my arm around his shoulders on instinct and sigh in relief when he leans into me instead of pulling away.
“I hid them. They’re in a little treasure chest I gave Mommy one year for Mother’s Day. She used to put her rings in it.” He wipes his cheeks, regaining his composure. That means the biggest of his secrets is out, everything else probably isn’t as bad.