Page 21 of First Surrender
“Maybe,” he utters, distractedly.
“So, you think my mom is just another addict that overdosed?”
“No, I don’t.”
This time I glance at him, surprised by his response. “You don’t?”
“I think Declan did exactly what you accused him of. I don’t know what will happen without the proof but I think he’s as criminal as they get.”
“Me too.”
“I need to know where he got the drugs. The drugs that he gave your mom are still out there. They never recovered any more of his stash but people are still overdosing. That’s why I’ve been butting into the case.”
“Here I thought you were out to get me specifically.” I huff, sadly. As validating as it is to hear him agree with me, it’s hard to accept that I was right. Declan is as bad as I thought.
“I’m not out to get anyone. Unless they deserve it. Bad people, criminals, yeah. Everything else is… Draining.”
His open admission stuns me silent and we stay like that, neither of us speaking until he pulls into the carport at the hotel. “You don’t sound like someone who likes their job.”
“I wanted Rollins to be safer. I didn’t want the job.” The dull tone of his voice suddenly sounds a lot less like indifference and more like exhaustion. “No matter what I do it’s never enough.”
“Your friend, the one who was kidnapped, is she okay?” I try not to let my thoughts run rampant on how good of a friend this woman might be to Jackson. I prefer to see him as a bully in a bulletproof vest, not someone with a family or love interests. I don’t want to imagine him with some perfect life when he goes home.
“Yeah, she’s fine, thankfully. She lives here now. She married the guy who saved her life, Nathan. I hang out with them from time to time.” He shrugs before putting the car in park in front of the hotel entrance.
“Who knew you had friends?” The jab rolls off my tongue before I can stop it and even though I regret it, I don’t take it back. I’m too prideful for that.
“Yeah and where are all of your friends?” He whips back without hesitating and now I’m glad I didn’t take my remark back.
“You really are a dick.” I shove out of the car and turn to grab my purse from the floor when a realization hits me. “Dammit,” I sigh.
“What?”
“My leftovers are still in Ty’s car. That’s the only reason I went on that damn date.” I groan into my hands until I remember that I’m being watched.
“You went out with a stranger because you wanted dinner?”
“A free dinner,” I correct too quickly, regretting my admission.
He stares at me dumbfounded but I avert my eyes. I don’t want to see his judgment. He has no idea what it’s been like for me, learning to survive my entire life.
“Goodbye, Sheriff. Have a terrible night.” The car door slams behind me as I march into the hotel.
I don’t turn around until the elevator doors are shut safely behind me, staring into the mirrored walls’ reflection. All I see is the broken girl that I’ve seen since I was a child.
For once, I want to know what it feels like to have someone to lean on. Anyone. Instead, I’ve always had to do it on my own. I fight so hard for Dec so he never has to feel the pain that I’ve felt. The abandonment that sets in every night when you’re trying to close your eyes to sleep and realize that if you never woke up, no one on this planet would care.
If Jackson wants to judge me for doing what I need to so that I can ensure Dec has a meal to eat when he comes back from Charlie’s tomorrow then so be it. His opinions of me don’t matter. Except now I went on that damn date with no leftovers to show for it. I have to brainstorm where our next meal will come from anyway, even after dealing with two infuriating men tonight.
An hour later I’m still grumbling about my wasted evening when someone knocks on my door. I’m mid-brushing my teeth and not expecting anyone so I silently tiptoe to the peephole to check.
There’s a set of broad shoulders in my view and I know they only belong to one person. “What could you possibly want?” I ask his back as I fling the heavy door open.
He turns quickly, his eyes cataloging the toothbrush dangling out of my mouth before pinging to the bird’s nest on my head and then down to my exposed bare legs.
“I was getting ready for bed,” I add defensively even though he didn’t say a word. He only silently stares at me as I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand in case there’s any lingering toothpaste.
“Here.” He shoves a bag into my chest and it hits me before the smell does.