Page 35 of First Surrender
“What we did was completely consensual. We, two grown adults, had sex. You did not coerce me because you are a man of authority or because you are a man. I came on to you to scratch an itch. You would never be smart enough to convince me to have sex with you if I wasn’t willing.” Her finger jabs me with each punctuation of her sentences until I fall back to sitting on the workout bench.
She stands over me, glowering at me and despite the fury being directed at me, I’m so fucking relieved.
“Why did you say no?”
Her jaw locks at my question.
“It doesn’t matter, forget it. Go back to work and stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are a grown man. Act like it.” She turns and storms out of the garage grumbling to herself while I stay glued to where I’m sitting.
It was consensual. All of my grief has been for nothing. Sleepless nights and not being able to stomach food has been for nothing. I bury my face in my hands and breathe easily for the first time in days.
I hear her grumbling again and whip my head up to see her storming back into the garage with a bag in her hand. “Here. I brought you this because I thought you had the flu.” She shoves it into my hands and the savory smell hits me immediately.
“You made me soup?”
“No. I made my brother soup, you get the leftovers. Go back to work!” She shouts, stomping back to her car, peeling a u-turn in my driveway, and leaving tire marks in my grass.
I feel like I’ve been picked up and tossed around by a hurricane. I cannot get a read on this woman to save my life.
When I open the bag, there’s an envelope with a hot pink logo in the corner. “Babe Shack.” Huh. Inside is a stack of small bills.
Her first payment.
Chapter Seventeen
Natalie
Idon’t know why his interpretation of our sexual encounter has made me so upset, but I can’t stop scream-crying into the interior of my car as I drive. Not actual tears, but full-blown crying out to the universe with my frustration.
He is just another man who has intruded into my life and tried to best me somehow. Every male of the human species feels like they have an automatic advantage over women as if our little female brains can’t pick up on their gaslighting and manipulation tactics. Jackson is no different.
Instead of admitting that he partook in a consensual one-time fling, he twisted it in his mind that he coerced me. As if he is capable.
I am a grown woman and I know what coercion looks like. I’ve lived it. I don’t need him to dumb it down for me. He made me a victim and I am no one’s victim.
This is exactly why I am paying back the money for the hotel. I will never let anyone think they have something to hold against me. As if they have power over me.
Maybe I’m being irrational but I don’t care. Jackson Malec is never going to touch me again. He and his high and mighty horse.
Two more weeks living in the hotel and I am no closer to findinga new place to live. A few apartments I’ve looked into require more money for a deposit than I have in my bank account and the first month’s rent upfront.
How do single mothers survive like this?
I’ve only been doing it a year and feel like I’m buried neck-deep in quicksand. I can’t get a second job because I need to take care of Dec after school and on weekends. I can’t afford childcare. I don’t have a village to supplement the childcare. It’s impossible.
Brax has been scheduling me every day during the week at the coffee shack, but by the time I ration my tips to put toward my hotel fund, I hardly have anything left. Dec and I have been eating a lot of doctored-up ramen cooked off the hotplate at the hotel because I refuse to go on any more bad dinner dates.
He hasn’t complained because he gets different stuff at school, and a few times he’s had dinner at his friend’s house. I on the other hand have been living off of off-brand granola bars and peanut butter crackers during the day.
Sometimes I’ll snag the day-old muffins from the coffee shack before they’re thrown away and that’s a nice little treat. The real prize is when someone’s order is wrong and we take back their drink to give them a new one. No matter what kind of concoction it is, the caffeine is welcome.
Today has been one of those days that I need the boost to get through my shift. It’s not even noon and I’ve been asked on two dates, hardly filled my tip jar at all, and spilled a hot cup of coffee down my legs.
“Woah, easy tiger.” Brax laughs as I slam the dirty paper towels into the trash can.
“This day has been the worst,” I utter.
“Well, it’s lookin’ up. Look who is pulling in.” I glance at the monitor that shows us the cars as they approach and groan. No fucking way.