Page 69 of First Surrender
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Jackson - Six years old
“Mommy. Why don’t I have a daddy?”
It’s Saturday morning and Mommy just made me her big weekend breakfast. It’s our tradition and I usually eat two plates.
“Well, honey. Um. What makes you ask that question?” Mommy sets her fork down on the kitchen table and looks at me as I stab my pancake.
“The kids at school have dads.” I shrug my shoulders and keep tearing up the pancake that I don’t think I’m hungry for anymore. Yesterday was Dad’s Lunch Day at school and I was one of the only ones who didn’t have a lunch buddy. Mommy is the best but I don’t understand why she is always alone.
“You do have a dad, honey. One day, I think I’ll tell you about him but it’s not anything you need to worry about now. Okay?I’m sorry if you feel like you’re missing out.” She reaches out to hold my hand, stopping me from destroying my pancake.
“But, where is he?”
“He’s a very important man. He’s busy working for the President of the United States.”
“The President?”
“He has an important job and has to be there at all times. That’s why he isn’t around.” She smiles but her eyes are watery.
“Oh. Okay. Will I ever get to meet him?”
“I don’t know, Jacks. I don’t know. Maybe when you’re older.” She shrugs her shoulders and takes her plate to the sink. I don’t ask any more questions.
I don’t want to make Mommy sad.
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I startle awake, confused, and disoriented. It’s daylight, I never wake up in the daylight. It isn’t until I blink a few times, and feel the warmth wrapped around my body that I remember. It was only a nap and it’s still early evening. The sun won’t set for another few hours.
The body pressed to mine in every spot possible is all-consuming, giving me more comfort and peace than I’ve ever thought possible.
However, impossible for me to remain decent in these conditions. She feels too good. Especially when she starts to wake up and instead of rolling away, she rolls even closer, plastering herself to me entirely.
Her hand searches for something, tapping the pillow by my head, then my shoulder, until she finds my neck, sliding her palm until it cups my jaw. The way that her thumb brushesagainst my cheek is a loving caress that she probably has no awareness of doing.
I don’t care. She can touch me any way she pleases, in her sleep, awake. It doesn’t matter, I’m at her mercy whenever she wants me.
Have been for quite some time.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Natalie
Five years old…
“Mommy! Will you play princesses with me?” I’m bouncing up and down outside of the bathroom door while Mommy cleans the bathtub.
“Can’t you tell that I’m busy? I’ve gotta have this whole house clean by the time Ricky gets back or we’ll be homeless again. Do you want to be homeless?”
“No, Mommy.” I don’t know why we don’t have our own house. We always stay with Mommy’s boyfriends. They never let me have more than one or two of my toys because they say I’m messy and annoying.
“Go be useful and make yourself a PB&J. Make me one too.”
“Okay, Mommy.” If I make the best PB&J ever, maybe Mommy will play with me for a few minutes. I skip to the kitchen in my Pooh Bear sneakers, making the charms on the ends of my shoestrings jingle.
Mommy’s last boyfriend bought them for me, he was nice to me, and always wanted me to play special games with him, but then she said we had to leave. We came here the next day.