Page 85 of First Surrender
“I’m really glad that it was you. And, still you,” I whisper. “I still think you’re good at everything you do, but it doesn’t bother me like it used to. I guess I’m starting to find you somewhat endearing,” I admit, hiding my face in embarrassment. I’m not used to being so open with my thoughts but it’s a sacrifice I’ll make if it means he’ll end his day less dejected.
He cups my face tenderly. “I think about that night every time I walk through that doorway, every time I sit at my desk. You’re the only one that I’ve ever had in my office. In my bed. This is a unique experience for me as much as it is for you. We can navigate it together.”
“You’ve never brought a girl here?” Not that I want a full account of his sex life, but I am curious.
“No. I always cut all my encounters short. I had no interest in playing house with anyone.”
“But, you brought me here.”
“You’re special. I knew that a long time ago.” He brushes his thumb over my chin delicately.
“Jackson, you’re insane. I was mean to you all the time, how could you have possibly known that I was special?”
“Arguing with you made me feel alive again. Having you and Dec here only confirmed that. Now, I don’t want you to leave,” he whispers, hesitantly.
“That’s a big commitment. You can’t mean that.”
“I don’t say anything that I don’t mean. You should know that. Don’t worry about it though, I didn’t mean to drop it on you like this.”
“What if I want to stay, too?” I ask under my breath, not quite able to meet his eyes.
“Then you’re home, baby.” He drops his forehead to mine and I can’t help but smile.
“Don’t you realize how hard this is for me to believe? I’ve never been able to depend on anyone.”And, it doesn’t seem real that anyone would actually want me.
“I know, but I’m willing to put in the work to convince you.” He pulls me in tighter, sighing contentedly.
“Jackson, we haven’t even talked about what we are. Not really. Aren’t we supposed to, I don’t know, be in love before we live together?” I ask against his collarbone.
“We’ve had our own timeline, that’s true, but I’m way past pretending that I’m not in love with you. I’m only waiting to say it so I don’t scare you off. This doesn’t count, by the way.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Jackson
My arms are braced, preparing for her to bolt, but after a few minutes, I finally let myself relax. I sprung a lot on her and she is acting surprisingly okay.
“You’re in love with me?” She whispers. We’re lying so close that I can’t see her face but can feel her breath against my neck.
“Hypothetically, whenever you’re ready to admit that you love me too, you can rest assured that I’m in the same boat. Okay?”
“Why do you think that I will?” She asks, but curls further into me and I take that as a sign that we’re good. She’s not running for the hills. I’ve still got her.
“I hope you will. Even if I have to let you win all of our arguments,” I tease, making her huff a laugh.
“Don’t let me win, it’s not as fun that way,” she admits softly. She doesn’t say anything else about the love topic so I let it be. Having her in my arms is enough for now.
In the morning I get Dec on the bus, letting her sleep, and then text Roberta to let her know I won’t be in today. I worked the last seven in a row and need a day uninterrupted with the woman in my bed.
She’s right where I left her and rolls back into my arms as soon as I lay down. Every time she chooses me, in her sleep orfor the smaller insignificant things, I celebrate. Her vulnerability is something that I cherish because no one else gets that side of her. It’s all for me.
Her leg hooks over my hip and drags me closer. “Why are you wearing so many clothes?” She grumbles against me.
“I couldn’t stand naked in the driveway sending Dec to school.”
“Ugh. You’re so responsible.” She squeals as I squeeze her side, tickling her. “Okay, I take it back. You’re a child.”
“I love it when you’re mean to me,” I tell her honestly.