Page 44 of Never Fall Again
“But the thing is, she took them and left. And she had every right to do that. I had no rights when it came to the boys. But in my heart, they were mine. And then they were someone else’s. I realize this is going to sound weird, but if the boys hadn’t been in the picture and she’d cheated on me and left me, I would’ve been hurt, but I would’ve moved on a lot easier.”
“Have you moved on?” It didn’t sound to her like he had.
“I think I have. Although I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t believe me. When I first got back from my deployment, before I was out of the Marines, I tried to date a little. I asked a few women out.”
“Too soon?”
“Too soon and all kinds of wrong. It took me a few dates to realize that I was using those women, and they didn’t deserve that.”
“How is asking a woman out using her?”
“Because I was asking them out to try to fix myself. To prove to myself that I was over Gina.”
“I’m not sure I’m following you.”
“When a man asks a woman out, it should be because he finds her intriguing. Because he wants to spend time with her. He should want to understand what makes her laugh or what makes her sigh. Why she likes certain books or why a particular song makes her cry. He should spend time with her because he’s desperate to figure out what makes her tick. Not because he’s afraid he’ll never fall in love again or to prove to himself that he isn’t hung up on a woman who clearly never loved him.”
He took a deep breath. “I haven’t dated since then because I refuse to use a woman that way. And because women with children scare me to death. I’m not sure I could handle another breakup that involved children.”
Thirteen
Cal watched several emotions play across Landry’s face and a tear slip down her cheek.
She swiped at the tear. “I’m sorry I put you in a situation where you felt you had to share that. There’s some history that we don’t need to get into right now, but it’s made me quick to assume the worst. That has led me to hurting people who never intended to harm me. Which has taught me to speak up when something seems hinky. In the long run, it saves a lot of hurt feelings. Either I find out the person isn’t who I thought they were, or I find out the truth, which is usually more complicated but also freeing.”
“I don’t feel like I was coerced. But I do need to ask you if they said anything else that I need to know about or that has you worried.”
Landry twisted her lips to the side.
Oh no.
“They did say something about trying to set me up with the police chief.”
“Gray?” Cal fought the surge of frustration welling inside him. He’d had the same thoughts himself. They would make a good couple. But there was that whole thing with Meredith...
“Yes. And if you could help me with that, I would appreciate it.”
“You’re interested in Gray?”
“Goodness no. I barely know him.”
That was not relief flooding through his system. Or maybe it was, but that was because now things wouldn’t be awkward with Meredith. “He’s a great guy.”
“I don’t doubt that he is. But it would help if you could convey to them that I don’t need to be set up. With anyone. Ever.”
“You aren’t interested in dating?”
“No.” Flat. Unequivocal. “And since you shared your fears with me, I’ll give you this for free, although I would appreciate it if you don’t tell your aunts.”
“It’s in the vault.”
“Thank you.” She took a deep breath before she continued. “Your fear of women with children, especially in light of what you went through, is understandable. My fear is of so-called ‘good Christian’ men. The more often they go to church, the scarier they are. And this is coming from a woman who loves Jesus.”
Cal didn’t like where this was heading.
“My marriage was not happy, but no one in our church believed me. Dylan was such agood man. So faithful. I was blessed to have snagged him.” Her voice had pitched into gossipy old lady territory. Then she shuddered. “I was young, naive, and in love. But the man I married was not the man I’d dated and been engaged to. He got me pregnant on our honeymoon. I realized later it was so he could control me. Eliza has no idea that the daddy she adored only saw her as a way to keep me in line.”
Maisy lifted her head and placed it on Landry’s leg. Landry ran her hand over Maisy’s back. “She’s a seriously amazing dog.”