Page 75 of Never Fall Again

Landry’s expression grew pensive. “Maybe. But you haven’t heard it yet. So stop interrupting me.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Landry leaned against a tree where she had a full view of Eliza by the edge of the river, building a tower of rocks. “I have to becareful. I never want Eliza to think she isn’t wanted. Or that I have a second of regret when it comes to her. I don’t. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I never say that I wish I’d never met Dylan, or that I hadn’t married him, because then I wouldn’t have her.”

“Understandable.”

“But I do have regrets, Cal. So many.”

Cal planted himself against a tree near Landry. Close enough that she wouldn’t have to raise her voice to be heard but far enough to the side that she wouldn’t have to make unwanted eye contact.

“My childhood was okay. There was food in the house. And I had clothes, although I do remember frequently going for a while without shoes that fit. But for the most part, my most basic needs were met. I went to school because I liked it. I went to church because my grandmother took me. I took a bath because a teacher I liked at school said you should take a bath at least once a day. I didn’t realize until recently how much my parents didn’t do. I thought it was normal for little kids to be left alone for hours at a time. I didn’t realize parents were supposed to make sure their kids ate. And slept. And went to school. My parents weren’t abusive the way most would define it. They never hit me. They never yelled. But they were neglectful.”

Landry spoke in an almost monotone. She truly didn’t sound bitter about her childhood. More like ambivalent.

“I was mostly on my own. I don’t have siblings. If I have cousins, I’ve never met them. I got a scholarship and went to college and realized how much other people’s parents did for them.” She chuckled. “Remind me some time to tell you about my first roommate’s mom. Wow.”

“A nightmare?” Cal asked.

“No. A clean freak.” She waved a hand. “Anyway, I could go on and on. The point is, without realizing it, I was in a desperateemotional situation. I dated some in college, but not a lot. I was focused on school. I graduated, landed a job in sales, and started my life. Or thought I had.”

“Two years after graduation, I landed a job several hours away from my home. I made the move, settled in, and started attending the church his father pastored. That’s when I met Dylan.” The old bitterness crept into her voice. She tried to force it away.

“I don’t know if Dylan recognized my emotional vulnerability immediately, or if it was a case of someone who had no spine falling in love with someone who turned out to be a narcissist. Regardless, when he first asked me out, I said no. He was handsome, and he said he loved the Lord. He was at church every week. But I was traveling at the time for my job, and I didn’t think it would be a good idea.”

She paused as Eliza ran over to them. Sometimes she could see Dylan in Eliza’s face. Certain expressions and mannerisms had to be genetic, because he hadn’t lived long enough for Eliza to learn them by watching him.

“Look, Mommy! Cal!” Eliza held her palm flat, and a rock glimmered in the sunlight. She touched it with the index finger of her other hand. “It’s shaped like a heart!”

“Wow!” Landry studied it. How unusual. “Want me to hold on to it for you?”

“Yes! I’m going to see if I can find more.”

“Be careful.”

Eliza responded with a wave of her hand as she ran back to the riverbank.

Landry fingered the rock. “Dylan was persistent. I didn’t say yes until I was twenty-five. By then, I’d discovered pottery andbought my first kiln. I spent my weekends making all kinds of crazy messes. At the time, he claimed it was charming. Delightful. One of the many things he loved about me.”

She traced the heart shape. “He didn’t want to date long or have a long engagement. He sent flowers and candy to me at work. He held doors and said nice things. In hindsight, I can see it for what it was.”

“What was it?” Cal’s voice was a hoarse whisper.

“An act. A well-thought-out, carefully choreographed maneuver. I was a believer. I had no family. My grandmother died before I graduated from high school. My parents moved to Missouri while I was in college. I’d been on my own for years. That’s how I started volunteering at the, um, the place where I met Bronwyn.”

She’d almost slipped. Bronwyn was a big part of her story, but Bronwyn’s story wasn’t hers to tell.

Cal coughed. “I don’t know everything, but I know she met you at a rehab clinic. She talked about you a lot before you moved here. She credits you with keeping her sane.”

Relief flooded through her. “Like I said, I was alone. And the rehab clinic gave me a place to teach pottery and art, something I’d always enjoyed. They discourage the staff from becoming friends with the patients. So even though we hit it off, I tried to keep some distance between us.”

Cal snorted. “Bronwyn’s good at keeping her distance from other people, but if she wants to be around you, she’s almost impossible to avoid.”

“Precisely. When she got out of the inpatient part of her rehab, she chose to stay in the area for the next year. It was during that time that we became friends. I started dating Dylan a week after Bronwyn moved back here.”

“Is there a correlation?”

Landry looked at him. “I don’t want to believe there is, but it’spossible. I was lonely, and he was persistent. And once I said yes the first time, things moved so fast. I should have realized it was too fast. But I didn’t have anyone in my life who could see what was happening and warn me. And sadly, the people in my church were either too oblivious or too weak to stand up to his family. So they watched it all play out but did nothing to intervene.”