Page 4 of Mistletoe Kisses
“I’m surprised I haven’t seen Natalie yet. Where has she run off to?” Almost like she expects my ex-wife to pop out of thin air, she looks around. She must notice Delilah’s grimace as quickly as I do.
They didn’t tell Cassidy the reason behind my stay and probably didn’t even warn her that I was here to begin with. Just the same as they held back on me about her arrival. They’re both terrible at giving a heads-up.
My house collapses as I press the second slab of the roof with too much force. Enough to crack the damn thing into two pieces. Delilah doesn’t scold me about what I should’ve done. The pity behind her gaze is more than enough.
“She’s no longer in the picture.” Leaving it at that, I come to the decision that I am no longer interested in building houses. Instead, I think I might need a little fresh air.
It’ll give Delilah enough time to catch Cassidy up on everything without taking the risk of reminding me of the past.
“Going to take a smoke break.” Excusing myself from both women, I escape to the front door before Delilah can shoot an apologetic expression in my direction. Grabbing my jacket from the hook, I’m momentarily distracted by the scarf on top. Discovering how soft it is, I realize how hard it’s going to be to get away from the sweet vanilla smell.
A moment of weakness passes through me as I brush my thumb against it. However, hearing Natalie’s name again through their shared whispers helps me move it onto another hook so I can pull my jacket off to throw it over my shoulders.
The cold air nips at my cheeks the moment I’m outside. Strolling over to the swinging seat, a visible puff of air flows out of me when a sigh rolls off my tongue. I’ve been doing that a lot–sighing. As if all my troubles can escape me one exhale at a time, sighing has turned into a habit.
When did I turn into such a pessimist? Was it before or after I realized my marriage was failing? Had to be before. Right around that time when I found the first receipt for a hotel I’d never been to in my life. Back when I started having trust issues.
Dusting the light layer of snow off the seat, I plop down and pull out the crumpled pack from my pocket. With only five remaining, I consider asking Henry to pick up another pack while he’s out and about. Needing one to help calm the storm raging in my head, I pluck it out and curse when my lighter doesn’t want to work after the first three strikes.
After enough attempts to make me dig my fingers through my hair, I’m finally taking in a lungful while sitting back. I have the view of snow falling to keep me company. Second prettiest thing I’ve seen today.
My cigarette lasts me five peaceful minutes. Even after I’ve stubbed it out, I’m not sure I’m ready to go back inside. Not yet.
Ever since I came here, I’ve been pitied by the two I consider my closest friends. I don’t think I’m ready to invite a third to this party. Not when I don’t trust the way my thoughts are forming when I take in Cassidy’s changes.
There’s no way in hell I’m ready to welcome any thoughts of lust or needs. Whatever strings that young woman is plucking, I know I’m only kidding myself. My heart isn’t ready for another round, not with any woman.
I think I’m done with love, actually. Yeah, I’m fed up with it. Never again.
The front door opens after a few more minutes and I see those wavy brown strands catching flakes as soon as Cassidy takes a step outside. Looking around, she spots me and smiles.
Ah, shit. So much for my peace.
“Can I sit?” Reaching me in all but a handful of steps, her eyes fall to the vacant space to my left.
While I could always tell her no and enjoy another one from my pack, I chose to swipe her seat free of snow so she could settle next to me. Her body shivers, of course, it does. That sweater isn’t doing her any justice. Her body shifts a little closer, seeking to soak up some heat.
Neither of us speaks, not at first. A gust of wind knocks some snow off the roof, crashing against the few plastic candy canes shoved into the ground. She plucks at her sweater, pulling at a loose strand while rolling it between her fingers. The way her lips purse, I can tell she’s trying to pick her words carefully.
Everyone always does. It’s like there is a layer of thin ice surrounding me and no one wants to risk falling through by getting close. I’ve lost count of how many times someone has used the phrase “it’s not your fault” on me. Hell, some even insulted Natalie to my face like what love I did have for her over the years meant squat. Am I ready to hear such things again?
“I lost my apartment,” she blurts, saying something so out of left field that I jerk to look at her. “I haven’t told my parents, but I get it.” She doesn’t meet my gaze. “You lost your house in the divorce. I lost my apartment because my boss was a prick. We’re both a bit homeless right now.”
Grunting in agreement, I try not to stare at her for too long. For just a moment, I don’t think about my shitty circumstances. Instead, I can worry a little about Cassidy.
It’s a pleasant little distraction. She doesn’t seem in any rush to throw Natalie’s name in my direction.
“So, you plan on sticking around town?” Without realizing it, I’m holding my breath. Exhaling once one shoulder lifts to shrug, I nod.
After I told Henry I wanted to get out of this town and leave everything behind, he immediately demanded I lean on them for support. Hell, he caught me looking at some of the cabins for sale up on the mountain only a couple of days ago. Can’t spend the holidays alone, that’s too much to ask for. He insisted I experience all these traditions they go through every year.
From the sound of it, we both need to get away. Seeing as she left this place once before, how much time will pass before she gets the urge to run away again?
“Let’s make the most out of the holidays.” She looks my way and gives me a smile that plucks at those same strings again. “Two weeks of distractions, and then we can both figure out what we’re going to do.”
There’s something different about hearing her say the words that feel different than when it came out of her parents. It’s like she needs a little convincing too, only partially believing her words.
Sure. I’ll meet her halfway. I’ll shove whatever this is trying to crawl its way through my body and put my focus on helping us both get through this rough patch.