Page 59 of Hers To Keep
Was that another one of my mother’s lies? I am almost sure it was all an act she put together to place the blame on Chaz and hide what she and Wesley had done. They killed my supposed grandfather because he knew their dirty little secret.
“That’s why you’re back,” Ace mutters from behind, bringing me back to the conversation. It’s then I realize my hand is still in Maxwell’s and I instantly pull away. “That’s why Drea called you. Alek and Drea turn eighteen this month.”
“And Scarlett is eighteen today,” Maxwell says, looking from Ace to me.
“Scarlett’s the eldest Smoak heir,” Ace murmurs under his breath, as if that means something.
“And my brother Malcolm knows,” Maxwell answers as they speak as if I’m no longer in the room.
I’ve just about fucking had it. I don’t have to stay here. I don’t have to deal with any more of this bullshit. “This is too much, I can’t,” I say, feeling faint as I fall back into Ace’s hard chest.
Maxwell steps forward worriedly but doesn’t reach for me. Instead, he speaks to Ace. “Take her home to get some rest. I can’t imagine how she’s feeling given everything she’s endured here today.”
Ace nods, helping me stand, my head pounding with so many thoughts bouncing back and forth before he scoops me up into his arms.
“Soon, if you would like, we can get together and I’ll tell you what I know,” Maxwell says in a more somber tone. I lift my head from its place nuzzled in Ace’s neck to look at him. His blue eyes glazed over with what looks like sorrow or guilt as he looks at me. I’d almost think it was genuine if there was such a thing. “You don’t have to believe a word I say, if I were you, I wouldn’t, but know this, Scarlett. If I had known sooner, I wouldn’t have left you with her. I would have taken you far away from this wretched place. I still can, just bear that in mind.”
Just like it always has been, I’m left wondering what could have been. I’m left with nothing but haunting thoughts of what-if.
Chapter
Thirty-Two
SCARLETT
“What do you want from me, Ace?” I cry out as he creeps in, joining me in his bedroom back at the beach house. The drive here was terrifyingly silent, neither one of us daring to be the first to speak. The events of the morning have exhausted me, the truths that were revealed too much for my feeble mind to process. But now we’re here all alone, and I know I can’t ignore this for long.
I begged him to leave me alone and give me space at least to take a shower and wash away the vomit from my skin as I threw my soiled clothes in the trash bin in his bathroom. I was hoping after I showered, he’d continue to leave me alone and let me rest.
My swollen eyes burn, threatening to close as I sit here on his bed, but I know there is so much we need to talk about. Now that he’s here before me, there’s nowhere left for me to run and hide and avoid the inevitable.
“I want you to tell me you’re okay, Scarlett. Baby, I want you totell me how you feel after everything that’s happened today,” he says, moving to sit on the bed beside me, careful not to get too close. The bed dips as his weight shifts, but I unknowingly scoot further away from him. He glares down at the space I’ve created between us, then back up at me with a dark sadness in his eyes. Eyes that drive me insane yet are the only ones to calm the madness within me. The fuel to my eternal fire, yet the only thing that can tame its flames.
“I feel nothing.” I chuckle lightly as he moves in closer to me. “Isn’t that sad? I'm numb to it all. Day after day, a horrible new truth is revealed, and I have become numb to it all.” Once again, I shift away, trying to keep my composure when everything inside me is getting ready to explode. So of course I lie to him.
How am I supposed to explain what I feel, when there are so many feelings and emotions going through my mind right now?
I’m not even sure what’s real.
“That’s not healthy, babe. I’m here. Tell me what you need.” he pleads, but there is only one thing he can do for me.
“To be left alone,” I beg, but instead of heeding my pleas, he reaches out to me, enveloping my hand in his, tenderly entwining his fingers with mine. I look down at our interlocked fingers, my hand minuscule compared to his, and the ache inside of me only grows.
“I can’t do that,” he mutters quietly, the deep rasp of his voice coating my entire body with a desperate need as he brings my hand up to his lips, placing soft kisses against it.
We’ve never been like this. So fucking vulnerable in front of each other. I’ve let my guard down and he’s showing me a side of him I wasn’t sure existed. The devil inside of him now is just a fallen angel who fell from grace and doesn’t know how to find his way back.
All the while I’m an angel they’ve dragged down to hell, but it’s up to me to decide if I will burn in its flames, or if I will reign.
I stand up abruptly, shouting as I turn away from him. “Thenwhat do you want me to say!?” The events from earlier today, the torturous occurrences from the past few weeks, the horrifying truths from the previous months, all come flooding back like an ocean of guilt drowning me, suffocating me as each wave harshly crashes into me. I pace the room erratically, and he nervously stands, his fingers restlessly weaving through his hair. The same agonizing look of not knowing what to do next clouds his eyes.
“That you love me!” he shouts out, stunning me. I freeze, staring at him, my eyes growing wide as I take in the sight of him. Ace looks utterly distraught, his eyes a usual clear shade of blue, now bloodshot and swelling out. “Admit it to me, admit it to yourself, but goddammit, Scarlett, just fucking say it!” His face is now an image of utter agony as he walks over to me slowly, dropping down and kneeling before me, his head hanging down low as he breathes harshly. Ace reaches out grabbing both my hands in his, bringing me down to kneel in front of him. He cups my face tenderly in his, and his eyes look down to meet mine—their captivating shade a spellbinding blue opal—as his voice softens.
“Because I fucking love you, Scarlett Steele! I’ve loved you from the moment you told me to go to hell. From the moment you told me to go fuck myself. What kind of a sadistic son of a bitch does that make me, that the more you fought me, pushed me away, the more I hurt you, the more I wanted to make you mine?” His words sting, like shards of glass on my fingertips, not because of their meaning, but how badly I wish he wouldn’t say them. He can’t love me.
I pull back from him trying to stand but he pulls me back toward him gripping my shoulders and holding me in place. “You don’t understand what love is,” I cry out, my tears threatening to break free from the dam that’s been holding them back since we arrived back. “This thing we have between us, not sure what it’s called but it can’t be love. Love shouldn’t be this dark, it shouldn’t be this fucking hard. We have so many obstacles in our way. So many people are trying to keep us apart, to make us turn on oneanother. You lie and betray me time and time again. I can’t love you because I’ll never be able to trust you.”
There it is--what’s been holding me back from screaming how I feel from the top of my lungs. At least that’s what I keep telling myself, yet here I am.