Page 10 of True As Steel
“No.”
I waited for him to elaborate, but he merely proceeded to carve off larger chunks of meat from the animal before breaking down the embers for the carcass to slowly finish cooking. He gestured for me to take more, but I was done. He began chowing down the much thicker slices he’d just cut, that were leaning a little closer to rare than medium rare. He hadn’t been kidding by saying his body needed lots of fuel. I had no doubt he would eat the meat left on the bones.
“Just no?” I insisted when he didn’t seem intent on elaborating.
“The social butterfly in me was a bit of a knucklehead, and the elite soldier in me always wanted to push my skills further. Becoming a Cyborg handled both. So, no, I have no regret about becoming a Cyborg,” he said matter-of-factly. “But that’s not your true question, is it? What you really want to know is whether I was among the Cyborgs that remained loyal to Emperor Shui, or if I truly was one of the rebels. Right?”
I swallowed hard, then nodded slowly.
“Under the current circumstances, does it matter?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said forcefully, making it clear I considered it self-evident.
“Why?” he asked, tilting his head to the side. “If I say I was a true rebel, you have no way of verifying my statement. If I say I remained loyal, what are you going to do about it? Try to kill me? Get on your speeder and flee? Ask me to leave?”
I blinked and stared at him speechless. I’d always considered myself a rather smart woman, but I’d never felt more stupid than in this instance. Every one of his questions was spot on. What indeed would I—orcouldI—do if he confessed to remaining loyal to the Emperor?
“Honestly, I don’t know,” I admitted, feeling my cheeks heating.
“Then you better start thinking about it,” he deadpanned.
I froze, my eyes widening as I stared at him in disbelief. My eyes flicked between his, searching for the slightest sign that I had misinterpreted what his last words implied.
“Why? Because you indeed remained loyal to that monster?” I asked in a breathy tone.
“Yes, I did,” he replied, matter-of-factly.
My stomach dropped. I felt cold and hot all at once, anger, incredulity, and a sense of betrayal washing over me.
“And after all the atrocities he has committed and continues to commit, you sit here telling me you have no regrets about becoming a Cyborg?” I exclaimed, outrage and contempt oozing out of my voice.
To think I had felt safe around that bastard!
“I said I have no regrets about becoming a Cyborg. I never said I have no regrets about remaining loyal to Emperor Shui,” he countered, apparently unfazed by my anger.
“Why? Because he betrayed your ass in the end?” I snarled, immediately chastising myself for antagonizing him.
Whatever my feelings about what he did, he had saved my life and was speaking honestly. Like he’d so accurately said previously, he could have lied, and I would have been none the wiser. As Iwantedto believe he’d been on the right side, I would have bought it, hook, line, and sinker just so that I could feel better about liking him, trusting him, and wanting to continue this journey alongside him.
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Aside from the terrible deaths of the prisoners onboard the transport ship, the Emperor’s betrayal is a blessing for someone such as me,” Jarog explained. “He released me of my oath to serve him loyally until death instead of forcing me to break it.”
“Would you have broken it?” I challenged, more relieved than I dared to admit.
“The way things were going, yes I would have, but with great pain,” he confessed. “Protecting the Emperor doesn’t justify senseless genocides.”
“Great pain!” I exclaimed, recoiling in shock. “Why the fuck would it pain you to stand up to that psychopathic dictator?”
“Thatwould not pain me,” Jarog retorted as if I’d said something dumb. “But breaking my oath would. You will find, Tamryn, that my word is my bond. I swore my life and allegiance to the Emperor of Kirs. When he began his reign, Emperor Shui was a good and benevolent ruler. That changed over the years, but it was subtle. In truth, I believed the rumors that the Prime Ministers of many countries were in fact the ones trying to topple him to usurp his power or break free of imperial rule. So, of course I stood by my Emperor. It was my sworn duty.”
My brows furrowed, and my hand ran through my hair as I examined his features. Emperor Shui had indeed been a benevolent ruler in the beginning. I understood and respected honoring one’s word, but so many atrocities had been committed in his name…
“Why did you tell me this?” I asked, genuinely confused. “Why didn’t you just lie?”
“I do not hide from the truth, and I do not lie,” he said with a shrug. “If I cannot be honest with you, whatever the reason, I simply won’t answer, dance around the topic, or flat out tell you as much. However unpleasant, you will always get the truth from me. But enough about me. I believe it is time you tell me about yourself... unless you would rather run.”
I harrumphed and gave him the ‘don’t be stupid’ look. My ass wasn’t going anywhere in the dark. I didn’t even know where the fuck we were at this point. He had a map in his head that I didn’t have access to. He was my safest bet to get to Satos in one piece. And… I genuinely believed what he’d just said, and still trusted him, however irrational my mind said this was.
“There isn’t much to say about me, to be honest,” I said, feeling self-conscious for some odd reason. “I’m the younger of two. My parents were both tech heads, but my mother left us when my brother Damian and I were still young. Damian always wanted to join the military, and I wanted to do whatever he did. I was his little shadow.”