Page 40 of Love Is…?

They stared at each other, both lifting their spoons and scooping up another mouthful. They chewed in time.

Tessa broke first.

“Okay. It’s Jayde, and you can’t travel with me to faraway land because that’d be weird.”

Angel laughed, and placed her bowl on the table.

“Spill.”

Tessa exhaled at the ceiling, absently admiring the pendant light, then lowered her head. “She makes me tingly. I can’t explain it.” She took in Angel’s look of disbelief. “I mean, yes, of course I can explain it. She’s hot and sexy and funny and deep and smart and caring and considerate and hot.”

“You said that last one twice,” Angel pointed out.

“She kissed me.”

Angel squeaked. “She did? You did?”

“No, I didn’t do the kissing. She did. She kissed me on my cheek as a…” Tessa waved her hands vaguely. “Gesture to demonstrate romance.”

“Certainly does that,” Angel said, nodding with an impressed look on her face. “Was it a peck or the soft swoony type?”

Tessa narrowed her eyes, and Angel rolled hers in reply. “Tessa, you tell me everything. Shit, babes. You’ve told me that one of your nipples is slightly larger than the other, although I really couldn’t tell?—”

“Okay!” Tessa held up her hand. “It was the soft swoony type that made me weak at the knees and made my hand touch the spot where she’d kissed me.”

Angel sat back. “Ohhh. That kind.” A slow smile lifted the corners of her lips. “No wonder you’re all…” She flapped her hands at Tessa.

“I’m not anything. She’s very attractive and yes, maybe I’m reacting to that attraction, which is complicated because she’s at Abby and Sam’s house constantly, and she distracts me. But I can deal, all right?”

“Nah. You can’t. You’re Tessa, the eternally optimistic lover of love, and you’ve already got Jayde popped into a box.”

Tessa opened her mouth to reply but paused at Angel’s long look.

“What?”

“You can’t string her along, babes.”

“I won’t. I’m not. Besides, I like strings and she doesn’t, so there’s nothing to worry about.”

Angel sighed. “You need to take care of her heart as well as yours because your strings don’t go from you to the other person, right?”

“What do you mean?” Tessa knew exactly what Angel meant. They’d had versions of this conversation before. It still stung, though. She sat on her hands to stop them from shaking.

“Your strings don’t go to the other person.”

“Of course they do. They’re strings of love. Strings attached.” Tessa looked everywhere except at her cousin.

“Tessa, your strings stay wrapped around you. It’s this—” Angel flicked two fingers into the air—“‘I will bend love to my version of it even if it kills me’ thing that you do, and you get tangled up in your own strings. If you let go of them, if you had no strings, it might be freeing. Maybe it would help you see each other without peering through a maze of really thin shibari ropes.”

Tessa growled. “You’re as bad as Jayde.” Then she sighed. “You know why I don’t do that. The letting go, the no strings thing.”

Angel’s expression softened. “I do. Knock backs suck.”

“I wasn’t knocked back.” Tessa poked her finger into the plush cushion shaped like a mushroom. “I was embarrassed and hurt. Yes, I was shot down, which I know happens to lots of people, so I’m not going for self-pity here, but some of those women told meto my face.” Tessa glared and clenched her teeth. “That my flirting was awful, then they mocked me, and when I did pick up someone because my game was working that night, those women laughed when I said I didn’t want them, you know, to go inside. They said that I was too vanilla.” Tessa’s voice wobbled. “That I was tame, that I wasn’t worth the night, that there were better options. I just…”Her eyes filled with tears.

“That was mean and hurtful,” Angel said gently. “I’m sorry that happened to you and it doesn’t matter that it was years ago. We hang onto stuff and it doesn’t make it less valid than when it happened at the time. However.” The word was delivered in Angel’s ‘I’m serious, babes’ voice so Tessa knew to make eye contact. “You’ve said this yourself. Not everyone will do what those women did. Jayde makes you all moony in a good way. Not in a nervous, excited but not sure why way. That’s a good sign. She also sounds like a decent person. She sounds like she’ll be good for you.” They sat for a moment, then Angel delivered a decisive nod. “I hope so, anyway. I want to meet her.”

Tessa raised her eyebrows. “Because?”