Page 81 of Love Is…?
“You’re right. When I first started dating Abby, the poor Americans on her staff couldn’t understand a word I was saying. Abby could, which was handy. But, for example, there were two security guards manning the door to her apartment building when she and Grace arrived in Melbourne. Hilarious. The poor blokes had no idea what to make of me. I gave them food to win them over.”
Her love for the students, her care of others, her love for her family is apparent, but I circle back to her point that love can leave corners of hearts dog-eared, or perhaps the cover torn because someone was incredibly reckless with it. Can love be perfect? What if a heart doesn’t wear a torn cover or have its pages rent?
“Then why would you walk away from that? It’s everything that I’ve said. Transparency. Finding your person. A love like that is brave. Courageous. Not in the ‘I’ll take up a sword’ courageous. More in the quiet courage that a person’s heart sees in another person’s heart. Love is finding your person.”
The words are stated firmly, then Sam blasts me with a smile, full of warmth and a touch of wickedness.
“Love is finding your person, particularly if you’re an absolutely not-at-all famous teacher who finds out that their person is an extraordinarily famous movie star.”
She taps her chest then points over her shoulder at the poster, then lays her hand back over her chest. It is a gesture of one who sees the woman behind the actress. Sam pats the air above the table.
“That’s not to say that all people must have another person in their lives to be in love. Maybe love is simply knowing who you are.”
Sam draws circles on the conference table with her finger, clearly giving the idea some thought, then looks up and points to the phone, as if to ensure it is recording her words.
“Yeah. Love is knowing yourself.”
Chapter
Sixteen
Tessa slouched in her seat,as the bus swept along the wide turn that was the city-bound off-ramp. The promise of fresh air, glimpses of native animals, and dry, open spaces in which to pitch their tents had been broken within the first hour. While the mist wasn’t actual rain, it may as well have been, because she, the four teachers, and fifty teenaged girls spent two nights in a fairly permanent state of sogginess.
It did add a level of danger and adventure to the daytime activities—high ropes course, walking to the waterfall over moss-covered rocks, and attempting to ignite damp wood to create campfires. Tessa had never eaten so many cold baked beans in her life.
The girls had a great time, banding together to accomplish tasks, and hanging out in their tents chatting about everything and anything. Tessa smiled to herself. The girls had forgotten that tents were not soundproof and so Tessa had gleaned all sorts of information about who liked whom, who had slept with whom—that one had been eye-opening and concerning. The expression on the face of Kate Porter, the Humanities teacher, demonstrated how quickly that piece of information was beingstored in her brain. There were going to be a few very interesting teacher-student wellbeing chats when they got back to school.
The thought reminded Tessa that she and Jayde also needed a conversation. Running out mid-way through what was turning into fabulous, pleasurable sex was embarrassing and would have left Jayde thoroughly confused. Tessa’s head ached when she thought about her ridiculous, and entirely predictable, behaviour, which only a proper conversation could fix. She’d come to that clear realisation while clambering up the mud-filled track that led back to the campsite.
“Want some lollies, Tessa?” Hira’s hand reached through the gap between the seats, a packet of red frogs clutched in her fingers. Tessa turned her head and grinned, taking two of the sweet jellies.
“Thanks, Hira. Just what I need.” It was, actually. Chewing on red preservatives was an excellent method for ruminating on past actions. Past actions which had ruined sex with one of the most fun, most gorgeous women she’d ever met. Jayde’s wide eyes, her face pale so that her freckles stood out, the ‘O’ of surprise on her mouth, were just three images that rotated in a carousel of regret in Tessa’s mind.
She chewed on the second frog, her thoughts drowned out by frantic rustling as the girls attempted to consume their weight in junk food before arriving back at the school. Many of the girls had smuggled packets of snakes, frogs, Fantales, and Violet Crumble bites into their backpacks as sustenance for the two days. Clearly they’d over-estimated, hence the frantic consumption going on around her.
As the bus turned into the street leading to Rawson Girls Grammar, Tessa pulled out her phone. Not having service had been a blessing because she knew that Jayde would have sent even more messages than the ones Tessa had received on Saturday night and Sunday morning. Messages she’d ignored.
The start up icon disappeared, the home screen popped into view, and Tessa’s hand vibrated as dozens of alerts stacked up on the screen.
Tessa opened the first one.
Hey Tess. You okay? Please text me back or ring me. Jayde x
She opened another message.
Hi Tess. I’m not sure what happened but I hope I didn’t do anything wrong. Please ring me. Jayde x’
Tessa heldthe phone in both hands, and felt tears gather behind her eyes. Jayde hadn’t done anything wrong. She was perfect, just like Tessa had told her before disappearing into the night. Her heart hurt to think that Jayde felt she was responsible for the abrupt stop to their kisses, and touches, and smiles, and quick breaths, and soft gazes.
Her gut churned but she grit her teeth. Once all the girls were sorted, and she’d travelled home with Grace, she’d phone Jayde. Tessa looked at her mud-caked pants. Shower first.Thenshe’d phone Jayde.
As the bus crawled to a stop, Kate Porter began walking up and down the aisle, distributing phones to the girls from a small black backpack as if she were a dealer handing out packets of cocaine. Within seconds the chaotic noise of forty-nine phones demanding attention filled the air.
Poweredby the energy of ten thousand preservatives and the relief brought on by phone reunification, the girls began hauling out their bags, dropping them on the lawn beside the driveway, then pairing up to drag tents, and other paraphernalia to the maintenance storage shed. They clustered in groups to hug each other goodbye because they wouldn’t be seeing each other for the next nineteen hours. Tessa giggled. She was exactly the same when she was their age.
Grace threw her bag on the ground next to Tessa.
“Okay. As much as that camping trip was great, I’ll be happy not to do it again for at least a year. It’ll take that long to get the dirt out of my pores.” Grace wore a mournful expression, which wasn’t really effective because her eyes were sparkling with mischief.