Page 25 of Hannah.
“Speaking of Conrad, don’t give him your last name. He'll dig a rabbit hole trying to find out every little bit of information possible about you,” I caution, glancing in Conrad’s direction.
“Seriously?” she scoffs, her disbelief obvious. “Why should I trust you on that? I don’t know why, but I have a hard time believing it.”
“I’ve known him since my first year here,” I tell her, trying to infuse my words with sincerity. “If anyone knows him, it's me. I’m not trying to insult the guy; I know what he’s like.”
“Fresher year, huh?” She leans her weight on her mallet and taps her chin with a finger. “So that means you've probably shared some things about my sister, haven’t you?” Hannah’s eyes narrow with suspicion.
Hell. She’s on to me. My silence confirms her suspicions. She catches on, her eyes widening with understanding. “Ah, I see it now,” she says, her voice tinged with disappointment. “You’re afraid he might dig deep enough to find out Elise is my sister and that you knew me before Cambridge….”
There it is, the raw truth. I try to hide it, but anxiety sweeps through me at the idea of her revealing my secret. All she would have to do is tell Conrad her last name, and then everything would be a fucking mess. Damn!
Hannah’s mouth twists, seeming almost cruel, and I know she’s aware of the power she holds over me now. All I can do is hope she doesn’t use that against me.
“Can you please keep it to yourself?” I plead.
Astrid's cheerful shout interrupts our conversation, pulling her away from me. Hannah looks me up and down quickly and then shrugs one shoulder. “I'll see what I can do.” And retreats, leaving me with a sinking feeling in my chest as I watch her walk away.
The game continues, but my focus wavers between the croquet balls and the Dutch girl on the field. Every swingof her mallet seems purposeful, and each hit echoes with determination. I can't help but feel a pang of admiration. Our silent competition escalates into a battle of glares and unspoken challenges. Every victory on her end feels like a blow to my pride. Yet, when I manage to outplay her, I catch a glimmer of annoyance in her eyes, a sign that I’m not as inconsequential to her as she lets on.
I play my turns with renewed vigor, hoping to match her skill. The intensity between us crackles, creating an invisible barrier that only seems to grow stronger with each passing moment. I steal glances at her, trying to decipher the enigma that is Hannah. The more I observe, the more I realize there's more to her than meets the eye.
The game unfolds, and I find myself captivated by her determination to win, a trait that resonates with my own competitive spirit. In this moment, surrounded by laughter and sunlight, I’m drawn to her in a way I can't comprehend, leaving me both bewildered and strangely giddy.
Oh, this girl. I can’t be around her much longer. Not when she draws me in like a moth to a flame without even looking my way.
The croquet mallets rest against the stand as we all converge near the lemonade table beneath the welcoming shade of a massive oak tree. I’m parched, as is everyone else, and I gladly accept an ice-filled glass when it’s offered to me.
“Hey,” Astrid walks in, standing next to me and taking a casual sip of the cool lemonade. I smile in return but don’t say a word. We stand in silence for a moment until Astrid finally speaks up again. “Conrad seems quite smitten with Hannah.I haven’t seen him this into someone since his breakup with Valentina.”
I glance toward Conrad and Hannah, their conversation filled with animated gestures. “Yeah, good on him, I guess.”
Astrid turns her attention back to me, her eyes searching mine. “You seem tense today. Is everything okay?”
I take a moment to collect my thoughts, knowing that if I start this conversation with her, there’s no going back.
“Astrid, we need to talk about us.”
“Now?” Astrid's surprise is evident. Her brows furrow as she looks at me, attempting to read my expression.
“Yeah, now,” I reply, my voice steady. “But let’s step away for a moment to get some space.” With a subtle nod, I lead Astrid away from the group, finding a quiet corner in the garden where we can speak in private.
The rustling leaves and the distant talking form an odd contrast to the serious tone of our conversation. I take a deep breath, readying myself for what's to come. “Astrid,” I begin, my voice softer now. “I’ve been feeling…conflicted lately. About us.”
Astrid's eyes widen with concern, and she crosses her arms over her chest, leaning in. “Conflicted? What do you mean?”
“I care about you. I truly do.” My words are heartfelt, yet it’s hard to proceed when you know the rest can hurt someone you care about. “But I think we might be moving too fast. I need time to figure things out, to understand what I want.”
Astrid's expression shifts from confusion to worry. “Johan, I thought we were happy together. I thought––”
“I’m happy with you, yeah. But I feel you are taking us too seriously,” I try to explain, feeling a headache build up in the base of my skull. “I need space.”
Astrid's gaze is sharp, her face deepening. “Please clarify. I don’t understand.”
I take a deep breath, my words chosen carefully. “Well…I’m not comfortable with how you've begun to introduce me as your boyfriend. It’s not that I don't care about you, like I said, but it just doesn't sit right with me.”
She frowns, hurt and confused. “What do you mean? We've been spending so much time together; it felt natural to take that step. After everything this summer especially….”
I nod, my guilt intensifying. “I get that, and I’m sorry for not speaking up sooner. I should've been clearer about my feelings, but I didn't want to ruin our time together. Just because we hang out and have sex with each other doesn’t automatically make us boyfriend and girlfriend. You know that, right?”