Page 56 of Hannah.
“Not really… Johan is my closest friend and the mate I hang out with the most. But I’m sure he and Astrid have plans. Their families are so close that they spend all sorts of time together. It’s like the whole town is waiting for them to get engaged.”
A hot stab of jealousy runs through me. I’m aware that people expect the two of them to end up together, but even just hearing him say the words as if there is no doubt in his mind makes me feel like a third wheel. “Sounds like it,” I reply shortly, wishing desperately for this date to end. Little does Conrad know that Johan definitely won’t be with Astrid. He'll be with me. “You said their families are close? I didn't know that.”
“Yeah,” Conrad says, pushing biryani around on his plate. “They knew each other before Astrid and Johan started dating. Their families are in the same social circles, I guess, and they were all over the moon when their children spent the summer together. The two of them getting engaged is basically expected at this point, even if Johan seems reluctant.”
Reluctant? My interest is piqued. Johan doesn't exactly strike me as a marrying man, but Conrad knows him better than I do. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. Johan isn't into the whole serious relationship thing. I know Astrid wants to move fast, but it's like he has no desire to commit at all.” Conrad levels a serious stare at me. “Don’t you dare repeat any of this to Astrid, by the way.”
My hopes sink a little bit. I know it's too early to expect anything, but Johan sounds like the kind of man who would have a friend with benefits—someone he can have fun with without any commitment or expectation. Maybe Johan won’t be serious about me, either.
“That must be hard on Astrid,” I murmur, and Conrad nods, eating the last of his meal.
“It can't be easy for her. She really likes him, but I’m not sure if he’s the settling down type.”
God, I feel miserable! I’ve grown so close to Astrid, and even if she and Johan aren't serious, how can I be considering sleeping with him? Not even considering it, but actually planning and looking forward to sleeping with him! Now I learn that their families are close and spend time together—how can I even compare?
Everything is stacked against me here. Astrid’s feelings for Johan, their parents’s friendships, the fact that Johan is technically my professor…what am I even doing? Does being with him feel good enough to mess everything up?
I push my food away, no longer hungry. “Ready to go?” Conrad asks, but he doesn't notice my distress, and I suppose he wouldn't since I’m doing my best to hide it.
“Mhm,” I drain the last of my lassi and get up. “I'll pay half.”
“Nonsense.” Conrad puts a hand on the small of my back, leading me down the stairs. “I was the one who asked you out. Don’t worry about it.”
“But I really insist.”
He gives me nothing but a side smile. “I insist more.”
Once we're outside, Conrad turns to face me, taking my hands in his. “This was really nice. I enjoy talking to you.” He smiles down at me. “Thank you for giving me a chance.”
“Of course,” I hesitate. I don't want to hurt him, but it feels like that is the inevitable conclusion to our date.
“Hannah?” He reaches up to brush some hair out of my eyes, but I step back instantly.
“You know what?” I try to play it cool, but my posture tenses. “It’s getting late, and, eh, I’m tired. Can you walk me home?”
Conrad agrees easily, and we walk back across campus, arm in arm. We're mostly quiet, and I can feel the mood souring as we get closer and closer to my building. When we arrive at the entrance door, he looks disappointed but doesn't comment. “Thank you for dinner,” I say again, trying to soften the blow. “I had a nice time.”
"Did you?” he questions, raising his eyebrows.
“Of course.”
“Then why are you acting so weird? Did I do something wrong?” Conrad steps closer, and I back up towards my dorm door.
“No, of course not,” I search for an excuse. “I’m just not really...into dating. I’m just a fresher, after all. I really want to focus on school this year. I’ve been wanting to go to Cambridge for my entire life.”
Conrad sighs, but he looks understanding. “I get it.” He nods with a pensive expression. “Maybe we can take things slow?”
I seize onto the lifeline he’s offered.
“Yes!” I agree quickly. “I do enjoy our time together.”
Conrad brightens. “So next weekend after this one—lunch after the auction?”
Shit. “Ok,” I agree hesitantly.
“Great.” He cups my face and leans in, and I allow the kiss but turn my head to take it on the cheek. It isn't terrible, and Conrad is very charming, but my heart isn't truly invested at all.