Page 77 of Merry with Me

“Baby….” My throat is thick as I try to swallow.

“I don’t expect you to say it back. I don’t expect you to feel the same way, but I needed to tell you for me. I needed you to know that you’re not just some guy I’m dating, Oliver. You are the love of my life, and I want to share my life with you. I want to be merry with you, but we can’t do that if you don’t let the past go. Leave it in the rearview mirror where it belongs.”

“Blake—” I start, but she shakes her head, stopping me. She drops her hands from my face and offers me a sad smile.

“This is who I am, Oliver. I love all things Christmas. I enjoy spending time with my loud, sometimes crazy family and celebrating the smallest of events to the holidays. That’s who I am, and you despise that.”

“Not you.” My voice is like gravel. “I don’t despise you.”

“You despise what I love.”

“Blake, you know that’s not true.” She does, right? She has to know what she means to me.

“Then stay. Be merry with me. Forget her, release the pain, and let’s move forward together. You’re letting them control your life four years later, Oliver. Don’t let them.” She smiles, but it’s not my smile. It’s not the one I’m used to seeing from her. This smile is sad, and if I’m not mistaken, disappointed with a shimmering of unshed tears.

Then she turns and walks away, taking every piece of me with her.

I don’t want to be here, but I want her here without me even less. So, I follow her, keeping my distance but watching her intently. She smiles and laughs, and it seems as though everyone wants to talk to her. To my girl. I understand it, because if I could, I’d glue myself to her side every minute of every damn day.

Be merry with me.

Her words run through my mind. I want to give her everything. I just don’t know if I can. I think about all the time we’ve been together, and it’s been different than anything I’ve ever shared with another woman. Even Hannah.

With Blakely, there’s this… need that courses through my veins. If I go more than a night without her in my arms, I’m antsy. At first, I chalked it up to being new and that it’s been a long time since I’ve had a female companion in my life, but that’s not it.

That’s not it at all.

I never felt that way when I was with Hannah. I could go days and not see her during my residency, with our schedules not matching up, and it never bothered me. No way in hell could I do that with Blakely.

My need for her is too strong.

I feel someone approach me, and I turn to see Hannah, my ex, standing there. “Go away.” My tone is harsh.

“Good to see you too, Oliver.”

I ignore her. She’s not worth the waste of breath.

“You know, we never would have worked, right?”

I roll my eyes but don’t take them off Blakely, who is now talking to my parents. “Why is that?” I can’t help but ask.

“Because you never once looked at me the way you look at her. Merry Christmas, Oliver,” she whispers as she walks away.

My eyes betray me, and they watch as she makes her way to Josh, and he opens his arms for her. She smiles up at him, and he peers down at her like she’s his entire world.

She’s right. We never would have worked out. We might have tried to make it work, but there would have always been something missing. The passion and the need that I feel with Blakely was never there between us.

Because Blakely is my person.

She’s the one who was meant for me.

Everything I’ve been through, it happened for a reason, and that reason was Blakely. It wasn’t our time yet, but it is now. My eyes find her again, and she’s still talking and laughing with my parents as if she’s known them for years. Hannah never did that. She never really fit with us. Not like Blakely fits with us. It’s as if she was meant to be a part of this family.

I’m in love with you.

The most amazing woman I’ve ever met said those words to me, and I didn’t say them back. I let her walk away from me. I need to fix this. With one foot in front of the other, my feet carryme to where she’s standing with my parents. I wrap my arms around her from behind and bury my face in her neck, breathing her in.

When I lift away, she turns in my arms. “What are you doing?” She tilts her head to the side as if I’m a puzzle she can’t figure out.