Page 16 of Love Delayed
“I’ll give you a few moments alone, and I’ll be back soon. We will have to do a dilate and curettage, or what’s known as a D&C procedure. Afterward, I’d like to keep you overnight to be monitored and check on you tomorrow before discharging you. We have an amazing staff here, and if you’d like, I can set up an appointment for you to talk to someone if you need to before I release you,” she said, giving my hand a tight squeeze.
Speechless, I gave her a slight nod.
“Would you like me to call anyone? Your husband, perhaps? You shouldn’t be alone right now,” the doctor offered.
I covered my face with both hands as I shook my head from side to side. I had to tell Evan, but I didn’t want him there. My parents and sister would only come and fuss over me. I just wanted to be alone to process what had happened. So many questions plagued my mind. Did I wish this on myself, or did my Father in Heaven take the baby from me because of my bitterness toward Evan? Was I not deserving to have a child? I had many questions and would pray to Abba for all the answers, but His comfort was what I needed first to get through this heartbreaking loss.
The doctor returned after the nurses cleaned me, got me into a fresh gown, and changed the bed sheets. She asked about my pain levels. I was slightly uncomfortable, but my heart ached more than my stomach and vagina. Still, I accepted when she offered something for the pain. She also said if I needed something to help me sleep, she would give it to me. I nodded in response, and she vacated my space, closing the curtains behind her. A few moments later, the nurse came with pain relievers and told me that they would have a room for me soon. Again, I nodded.
Not even a minute after she left, she returned to inform me that my husband was there and asked if I wanted him to come back. I froze, wondering who had called Evan. Maybe it was Leila or one of my staff who had reached out, but I did not want him there with me. I wanted to have time and space to grieve alone, not hear how brokenhearted he was about a baby he hadn’t bonded with. The morning sickness, fatigue, and flutters I had felt in my stomach confirmed I was nesting a baby. Then boom, that was no longer my reality. I knew I was being selfish, but I wanted this night to pray, cry, and process it all. Everyone else could feel whatever they wanted to feel tomorrow. Despite wanting to be alone, I gave her a slight nod, indicating she could allow him to join me. Moments later, I was blinking to make sure the meds didn’t have me hallucinating as he walked in. When I realized I wasn’t, I smiled a little.
“Come on in,” I said.
Still dressed in his tux, he looked like a gorgeous masterpiece.
“May I?” he asked, gesturing to the chair as he approached slowly.
“Of course, and thank you for coming. I didn’t expect to see you here. How did you even know which hospital I was in?”
“Our event planner told me. The question is, why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?” he asked softly. “We talked for hours that night, Zee, and not once did you say you were pregnant or married.”
“I didn’t think you needed to know that, Marc. I mean, why would that even concern you? We randomly ran into each other at the airport, and I certainly didn’t think we would see each other again after Vegas. And it’s not like you mentioned you were engaged to me.”
“You’re right. Neither of us was forthcoming with our current situations. That night, I wanted to tell you so badly, but I enjoyed our reunion, Zee. Still, I should have said something, and I am sorry.”
“I’m sorry, too. I should have said what it was, but like you, I was also enjoying our reunion and didn’t want to bore you with all the bullshit going on in my world. Plus, I thought we’d go our separate ways and return to our lives once we got back here. I didn’t expect you to say what you said outside the airport. Since that day, it’s been on my mind, but now that I know you’re getting married, none of it matters now.”
He rubbed his temples, took a deep breath, and dropped his head.
“I guess it doesn’t. No matter how I feel about you, the reality is that I’m engaged, and you’re pregnant with your husband’s child. I’m just here to check on you because I’ll always be concerned about your well-being, Zee. I wanted to make sure you and your baby are okay,” he stated sincerely.
My eyes welled, and I let out a few moans from the pain. While releasing the hurt I felt inside, I told him the entire truth about what was going on in my life.
“Marc, I’m getting a divorce, and unfortunately, there is no baby anymore. I lost my baby tonight and am still trying to process it,” I shared through my tears.
“Oooohhhh, baby, I’m so sorry,” he said, rising from the chair and coming closer to my bed.
He grabbed my hand, and I didn’t resist as he pulled me into his strong arms. By the time I finished sobbing, his tux was wet with my tears.
“I’m sorry,” I said, rubbing a hand over his jacket.
“Zee, please, no apologies needed. I am so sorry. Where is your husband? Does he know? Why isn’t he here with you? Do I need to make any phone calls for you? Tell me what you need, and I’ll do whatever,” he offered.
Before I could reply, two nurses pushed the draped curtains back and entered.
“Mrs. Watts, your room is ready, and we’re here to take you up. Are you ready?”
“I am, but can I have a few more moments?” I replied. “I know visiting hours must be over,” I added, being familiar with hospital rules.
“No, it’s okay,” the other nurse said. “Given the circumstances, your husband is allowed to stay overnight. He can follow us up.”
Neither of us bothered to let them know he was not my husband, and ten minutes later, Marcus was sitting on the edge of the chair next to the bed in my room. Recognizing that look on his face, I decided to share more with him about my situation. If I didn’t, I knew he would drive himself crazy from worrying.
“Marc, I’m in the process of getting a divorce. Evan and I aren’t together, and the baby was one of those emotional moments before he moved out. Well, he was supposed to move out, but that changed. Getting pregnant wasn’t in our plans after shit went left. Initially, when I told him, he thought the baby would be the cure for our toxic marriage, but too much damage had been done. I still wanted to go through with the divorce.
“Only my staff and you know I’m here,” I continued. “And before you came, I didn’t want to see anyone tonight. I just needed a moment to process my feelings about it. I wanted this baby, and even though I didn’t jump for joy the day I found out I was pregnant, I grew more excited about it with each day that went by. I didn’t want to be a single mother, but I’ve always wanted to be a mom.
“You’ve known me many years and know I am a believer. So, I know things don’t always go as we want them to, but I needed to talk with Him…” I said, pointing up towards the ceiling, “…to understand how I keep losing everything I fall in love with.”