Page 82 of Piece Us Together
Great, really.
I’ll leave and never fucking come back.
I can be a dom for Nolan now. I’ve watched Hunter enough. I can pretend. It’s my job, after all—becoming someone else, hiding behind a mask. I’ll be Nolan’s boyfriend and his dom, and I’ll throw myself into every mission Keats has available for me. Hunter will become a ghost. Just another person to haunt me. Just another person outside the locked house of my nightmares,just another person that I can’t reach, that I don’t deserve to have at all.
Maybe a mission will kill me.
Carter would have Travis and Nolan could come to Hunter. MaybeI’mthe problem.
I walk outside, only stopping for my jacket because my gun is in it. He follows silently. Nolan just watches us go.
There’s a shovel leaning up against the side of the house, mostly protected by the awning of the front porch. I grab it and head down to solid ground. He remains quiet, but I can sense him behind me, watching me.
“Ten minutes, tops,” I say as I stab the shovel into the snow. It’s the wet, heavy shit that makes great snowmen and awful driving conditions. “Then I’ll be out of your fucking hair.”
“See, I don’t believe I made that an option.”
I throw a shovel full of snow to the side and turn to glare at him. “What?”
“I said you could have a drink and we watch movies until bed, with no sex. Or you don’t drink, and we can play some more.” He shrugs, his arms hanging loose and casual at his sides. He didn’t grab his jacket. It’s fucking freezing out.What the fuck is he trying to do, get himself sick?“I didn’t say leaving was a choice.”
I grin at him. It feels angry and a little unhinged. He just blinks at me. “Whether I stay here or leave isneveryour choice. You think you can fucking keep me here?”
He tilts his head, not at all afraid of me. “I think maybe I could, yes. If you trusted me enough.”
“What the fuck does that even mean?”
“If you trusted me enough to believe me when I tell you that you should stay. When I tell you that being here is where you need to be. Where Nolan and I want you to be.”
I look away from him, my throat feeling impossibly tight. I jab at the snow. “I could hurt you.”
“You could,” he says easily. “But you won’t.”
“I hurt people.”
“Okay.”
“I’ve killed people.”
“I thought maybe you had.”
I snap my eyes to him, feeling scared and relieved all at once.How’d he figure that out? Has he really played with me knowing that?
“I’ve done worse,” I tell him, not letting myself look away even as the fear starts to crawl through my veins. “There are worse things than killing. I’ve done them.”
“Okay.”
I squeeze the handle of the shovel until my fingers ache. “It’s not fuckingokay. I’m abadman.I ruin things. Why the fuck don’t you get that?”
“Is that what you’re trying to do? You want to ruin this?” He shakes his head. “I’m not going to let you.”
“I already did, right? That’s why I’m out here? Clearing shit away so I can leave?”
He shakes his head. “No, Maison. You’re out here because you’re on the brink of lashing out and I’m not going to let you do it in there. Not in front of him. You asked me for help, remember? You asked me not to let you ruin this. So let it out. Beat the shit out of the snowbank or shovel until you can’t feel your muscles or scream at me or cry or come here and let me fucking hug you. Whatever you need to do. Then we will go back inside and you can decide what happens next.”
He’s the one without a jacket on, but I’m the one shivering.
I don’t think it’s because I’m cold.