Page 38 of When Night Falls
I run out of the bookstore, locking it behind me and hurrying back to my apartment.
I’m not ready for that. I don’t want tobe him.
I practically kick open my door and toss down the phone right as it vibrates, signaling another text message coming through. But I can't look at it. I decide that in this moment I want nothing to do with this, any of this. Rivian and his sexy, alluring vampire charm can shove his crazy idea of taking me as his bride right up his ass. I was crazy as it is before, or so I thought, but it would be even more insane for me to accept this ludicrous offer.
The phone is still buzzing but I ignore it as I hurry to my closet and start hastily throwing my clothes and other belongings into a suitcase. I need to get out of here before the decision is taken from me.
15
the chase
Rivian
I think back to one of the few memories I've preserved of my mother. I was just five years old when she was banished from the compound forever, a decision that was taken from her because she was not good enough in the name of love.
She made me promise her that if I ever found love or even experienced an inkling of it, that I would follow it through. But how can I keep that promise to her when I know that love is ultimately the reason why she was banned to the shadows? The idea of love at the age of five was trivial. Though I could see it in my mother's eyes that love did exist in her mind.
I am a man of my word, but I have no real intentions of searching for love in this matter. This feeling I have for Lucynda is pure infatuation, an obsession I developed due to the tether. My need for her is purely for selfish reasons. The idea that I would exercise something so negligible as falling in love would ruin everything.
Love is nothing but a trap that hides you from the truth about life, that it's clouded by people who will always want the next best thing. Even if Lucynda was not pinned to be my soulmate, her fate would still be the same. She may be on the road to becoming my queen but she was always meant to be my pawn. I just didn’t expect for the complete annihilation of my reserve, wanting to consume everything that is her. It will ruin me.
Nocturnes experience their emotions a lot harder and a lot faster than humans but I have more control over mine than most. There aren’t many Nocturnes who can train an abyss to take over, leading them to suppression of their emotions which in turn can be damaging to everyone around them. However, that abysmal take over can only survive for so long before the damn breaks and emotions start to flood. That is also detrimental. But I plan to be long gone before then.
I pace my office, feeling slight unease about knowing that I will be taking this girl’s innocence entirely. Sure, my agenda stands and I won’t be stopped in my pursuit, but I do have some sympathy for innocent souls being used for an evil’s greater good. I recognize my part in all of this will destroy her. She’s been thrust into this life of mine without any volition of her own; I gave her no choice but in the same note,Ihad no choice.
No one else knows of the real reason I went back to avenge her. Why I took the necessary steps to make sure she ended up here in Shadow Creek, in Hollows Trace, in my home, as my queen. To the kingdom, she is myanima vinculum, which is true. But to me, she is the key to my retribution.
I cross my arms over my chest and look down at my feet.
“How did it go?” Zharus welcomes himself into my office without invitation and immediately jumps into conversation. “I take it not so well considering she is not here.” I know he doesn’t mean to come off as an imbecilic irritation with his conclusion.But it irks me that his assumption is an opinion against my ability.
I look up at him, pegging him with the annoyance that swirls in my eyes. I can prove to be somewhat of an aversive man to those who question my schemes, or who question me at all, really. But Zharus does tend to test my limits knowing that if he were anyone else, they wouldn't be as lucky.
“She will have no choice. I’m simply entertaining her need to feel as if she has control over the situation, allowing her the time she requested to process.” I stand my ground using my tone to project my commanding presence. Though, I don’t need to try so hard to portray order and respect. I just hate the feeling of knowing some people require an explanation from me rather than just trusting my word.
“What if she runs?” He plants an unbothered smirk on his face, seemingly testing me and what I might do if things don’t actually go my way. But history has a way of repeating itself and I wonder if he’s simply making sure that I am prepared for the same fate my father was met with, a runaway bride, a participation trophy for the most murders performed in war, and ultimately his death.
"You know she has no business being our queen if she's as flighty as she's shown us. Lore isn’t law, necessarily, and I’m sure the Society would understand if your next best choice was your first choice. We need someone who isn’t going to bleed doubt onto the other societies, or to our own. It's not fair to give the title to someone who is living in fear." His words hold truth. The Society needs someone who will stand by me and delegate what's necessary when duty is concerned, and provide me with support, and hold her head up high when things get a little tough. And though those are the true intentions that a queen must fill, that does not necessarily mean they are the intentions I have for her.
None of those things matter to me for what I intend.
"Riv?" Zharus sits down on one of the leather couches in front of my desk and rests his elbows on his knees as he looks up at me with question in his eyes.
"I'll marry Lucynda. Even if I have to force her. She will be the next queen. She will do what is asked of her. And your concerns are not needed any further.” He watches me as I push his thoughts back to where they came from. Normally, Zhaurs and I are on the same page with everything. But when only one of us knows the truth, a difference in opinion is expected and I don’t anticipate indulging in his concerns.
"You're allowing the Society to look weak to the fronts of the Faction and the other kingdoms. You could have married weeks ago and no one would have batted an eye. You really think that-”
I pound my fist into the wood of my desktop, stopping him from insulting me any further.
"Zharus, I implore you to stop fucking talking." Vexation pinches my voice and claws at my skin.
Immediately, he closes his mouth and holds up his hand in apology. I'm well aware of how petty it might seem to someone like Zhaurs, who all his life has never had to do anything remotely as damaging as watching someone you love be taken from you, or to be forced against your will to become one of the monsters that instill fear, or needing to find a way to rectify all of that by sacrificing everything.
"I suggest that you refrain from telling me how I should run my kingdom. You may be my closest friend, but you can be expendable if you see it best to get in my way." It's a threat, no doubt. I don't often let my Factotum get on my nerves for more than being inefficient in something where efficiency is needed. But I will not tolerate the lack of reverence from anyone.
"You're right, I'm sorry." He holds up his hands before running them through his hair.
Silence falls between us for a few beats while we let the tension settle to nearly nothing.