Page 54 of When Night Falls

Breathe.

I let my voice float into her head the way I know she misses the most, allowing it to give her the kind of calm she needs in this moment. She wraps her arms around my back and squeezes herself in my hold. I let one hand rest on the small of her back, and the other smooths gently against the back of her head.

This is so fucking dangerous.

Sheis dangerous.

Having her this close to me and allowing the luxury of physical touch wasn't a part of the plan. None of this was a part of the plan.

Feeding from her.

Pleasuring her.

Learning that I'll be her first everything.

Pure enrapture.

That's the only way to describe it.

Something carnal yet formidable threads its way into the fabric of my soul at the thought of tasting my sweet sin. How high it made me feel. How I'll never be able to live without it from this day forward.

I guess it's a good thing that soon, she'll be mine forever.

To have and to hold, till death do us part.

20

desire for defiance

Lucynda

I deserve a medal. A standing ovation; take a bow and encore.

I played my part like a Starlette on the big screen. And I think he bought it.

After the stunt he pulled on me, my blood was boiling. But then to find him cozying up in the corner with some girl while he drank from her—again, might I add—I started to feel more than angry. I saw red. Part of me wanted to be the girl trapped under him, so eventually I did offer myself up, recognizing that I might have felt slight jealousy because if I am to be his wife, I don’t want his mouth on any other girl.

I won’t lie, he caught me off guard when he went and slipped his fingers under my dress. I was not expecting that. And it felt so fucking good. So good that I had to make him stop or else I wouldn’t have been able to keep my composure long enough to feed him my innocent bullshit.

But God did I want it.

I lied about everything. About never having touched myself, not knowing what it feels like to have an orgasm, I pretended to sympathize with his demons and I made him feel sorry for mine. The only thing I was truthful about was wanting to repay him for freeing me of my monster. That was the truth. And I did, so now I owe him no debts. I let him feed from me like the blood sucker he is and now, now I will show him what it really means to live in the shadows of darkness.

My betrayal might seem trivial and puerile. I recognize that, but it’s all I have right now. Little by little, Rivian is feeding this beast inside of me that wants nothing more than to come out and play because he won’t give me a chance to do otherwise. And I know he’s lying to himself too.

I fear that he's pushing this false narrative for reasons that I may never know and worse of all I worry that he will take that lie to his grave. That for a vampire could be a very, very long time. If he’s going to force himself to only see me as a means to an end, then I plan to give him exactly what he wants from me. Darkness. Because that’s all I’m good for according to him. And I can’t stand around and be gaslit while I attempt to play house, forced to live yet another life trapped beneath the shadows of monsters.

But for his sake, he might want to reconsider. Eventually, compression of darkness will erupt and I won’t care who’s in my way when mine does.

October 16th – 3 days until the wedding

"Do you know what style or brand you're looking for?" The tall, red-headed sales consultant asks me, walking over to us as we stand by the front door waiting to be brought to the back for our appointment. An appointment I didn't know I had until about forty minutes ago seeing as I slept in that comfortable ass bed until nearly ten this morning—the longest I've ever slept in my life.

I look over at Troy who just shrugs her shoulders at me, standing nearby as we linger in the lobby of this wedding dress boutique.

"Umm, no?" I say it as a question. "I don't even know when my wedding day is." I look around the shop feeling overwhelmed and crowded with all the bright white dresses floating around, looking like I might be preparing for an over-the-top prom turned debutante ball.

While I never really had deep thoughts about wedding planning, I know that I feel uncomfortable while being blinded by the whites of these dresses.